The Compassion of Mortality
by klcm
Summary: Morgan and Garcia find that it takes a pair, to beat the odds...
1. Contrast of Support

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Right, call this the buffer story just so that I can get my 200__th__ (yes 200__th__!) story out after much pestering =P This story will be updated every other day whilst I deal with assignment stress... So without further ado, enjoy!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope sat and watched the life around her continue. She had to laugh at how normal everything seemed to carry on when nothing felt normal around her anymore. This morning had started like any other morning off. She had taken a long lie in before getting up to go to a doctor's appointment that she had only made as a direct result of her best friend's pushy nature.

After spending the last few months with constant back pain she knew he was right and she had to get it seen to. However, she never realised that life could change as quickly as it had the moment she had entered the hospital.

Now she was taking a moment to help herself, before she even attempted to seek out the aid from the important people in her life.

She smiled a little at the irony of seeing Derek jogging with Clooney next to him. Whilst he had been living a perfectly normal work-free day, she had literally watched her world crumble and fall around her. Even now as he continued to run past, her life still felt like it was ending.

Dropping her head down, she bit her lip and tried to gather some reserve of strength back as she mentally prepped herself for the upcoming months. However, living this alone was making it harder to keep some sort of morale alive.

Having paced back, Derek had thought he was seeing things, but he hadn't and he couldn't let her be alone for a moment. "Baby Girl," He said, his breathing racy as he stopped his sprint with Clooney.

She smiled up at him, "Hey Handsome." She watched the sweat as it glistened upon his skin and didn't think it was possible to ever see Derek Morgan look even more handsome than ever, but right now he was even more delicious on her eyes than ever.

"Been to the doctors?" He asked before anything else, knowing she had an appointment that morning. He had listened to her complain about how her first day off in a while resulted in her going near a hospital. He watched her nod at him and he prompted her to talk to him, "Everything okay?"

"It will be," Was all she told him, all the while she prayed he wouldn't pressure her to discuss what was wrong.

She thanked her lucky stars when he didn't persevere with the topic.

"How's your day been?" Derek said as he stretched out and calmed his breathing entirely. He had his face scrunched up with a stitch as Penelope spoke. Even at that point, Penelope noticed she was his sole concern.

"I start chemo Friday," Was all she told him. She didn't want it to come out how it had, but it had just slipped out in response to his question. It wasn't even the right answer, but it was all she had. She watched him slump down and stare at her. "I have cancer."

"And you're only telling me now?" Derek asked, his grief at the news coming out in anger.

"I-I," Penelope spoke out shocked at his reaction. "I haven't told anyone yet."

"You should've called me as soon as you found out," Derek told her as he turned to her, putting his arm along the back of the park bench, the peeling green paint on it digging into his skin.

Penelope looked up as his hand rose from the wood to move some hair back out of her face, "No, because that would change everything."

"No it wouldn't have, P. I would have come to you and supported you like your boyfriend should have. God damnit," He said smacking the bench, "Lynch should have been with you! He should have let his own fears go and helped you with yours. Someone should have been there for you." He felt angered at this news, "God, you should have told me, Penelope! I'm your best friend, you shou-"

"Don't make this into an argument," Penelope told him as she moved away from his touch, "I am barely holding this together as it is, Derek. I honestly don't need a lecture for not calling you when I don't have a clue what I am actually doing right now."

"I'm sorry," Derek quickly apologised to her sincerely. He realised anger wasn't what she needed, but the immediate fear driven into him was of such velocity he had to just lash out. "I don't want to argue with you, Pen, but I would have been there for you."

"I know," Penelope choked back at him.

"That's all, Princess. I would have come along as soon as you had called, but I shouldn't need to feel like that, because Kevin should have been there regardless," Derek told her truthfully.

"He doesn't do hospitals," Penelope defended him.

Derek sighed, "And you do?" He queried with slick sarcasm and he saw Penelope shot him a quick glare. He put his hands up to reveal his sincere regret, "All I'm saying is that he should have stepped up today. Four years should tell him to fight his damn fears and put you first on all occasions. Christ, I would have!"

"He isn't you though," Penelope sighed nonchalantly.

Derek accepted that fact gracefully, "You need to go and tell him. He deserves to know what's going to happen from now and for a while. He needs to realise he has to step up and prove his worth now. This is his time to shine, but you just need to tell him."

Bile rose in Penelope's throat as she wondered about Kevin's reaction and she was reduced to one and one only. "Kevin's going to leave me," Penelope admitted lowly and looked down at Clooney as he slept away at her feet.

"Whoa, you don't know that," Derek interrupted her thoughts. "He loves you, P. He won't give up on you just like that. He will stick by you through this."

"Who wants a girl with cancer?" She asked him, her tone now emotionless.

Derek put his hand to her chin and forced her to look at him, "Anyone would want _you_."

She felt the smile weakly press against her lips as she realised she had a solace in Derek she had never truly experienced. Of course, she had felt his presence, taken advantage of his comfort, but right here and now, with her life hanging in a new balance, she knew he would always be her safe haven. It didn't matter what transpired between them – Buford, Battle, Kevin – they were forever going to be a constant in one another's life.

_That's why you fell in love with him, Penelope! Duh!_

"I guess I have to tell him don't I?" She asked quickly as though Derek was now the genius that held every answer to her life because at that moment she felt completely and utterly helpless. Even though she wanted Derek by her side, and she wanted to admit to him the dangerous truth of her heart, she had a relationship started at home. One with a man that loved her already and she knew he was her safety net. Course he was! She was already caught in it!

"That you do, Princess," Derek told her tenderly and leaned in, kissing her temple as he pulled her against his body. "We'll get through this." He held her there for a moment, "Together."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

In the time since she had allowed Derek to walk her to her apartment, Penelope was calmed and collected. She was sure about the prospect of not only her future, but her future with Kevin. However, no more than two seconds after her apartment door was closed, she broke her resolve and all the fears came bubbling up.

She was terrified – plain and simple.

Taking in a deep breath, she picked herself up off of the floor and paced. She needed a plan and she needed one quickly. She also needed to work out how the hell she was going to tell the team about what had occurred. Her head was alive with so many crossing thoughts that she was becoming more and more overwhelmed. As she heard the key slid into her door, she decided she would wait until after dinner before she uttered a work to Kevin. That gave her more time to think of ways in which to say it, and ways in which he would respond.

However, the moment she watched her boyfriend walk through the door she knew she couldn't wait until after they had sorted something for dinner. She couldn't wait another minute without telling him what had transpired today. How she had gone for a check up, and to check the complaint with her back and now here she was already transferred to the oncology clinic at their local hospital. She needed him to know why she couldn't act right, or why she couldn't be strong for the moment.

"We need to talk," Penelope said solemnly and she watched the scared expression take over Kevin's entire face. "I don't want to break up," She quickly covered that base and took his hand, leading him to the couch. "What I'm going to tell you is hard, Kevin, and it's not easy."

"What is it, Plum Sauce?" Kevin asked as he inspected her up and down. He knew something wasn't right and if he could claim anything, she looked like someone had hurt her. His mind had become an absolute chaos heaven. He had bad scenario after bad scenario streaming live in his mind and he couldn't fight them down with one ounce of logic.

Penelope decided her best route was to just blurt it out, no circling around it, no buttering it up. Just plain harsh bluntness: "I have cancer."

Apparently she was only hurting herself with this.

Kevin's entire world enclosed in on him hastily and he found it hard to comprehend, even harder to draw in a normal breath. He wasn't sure if this was some sick joke, or his hearing was going weird, but when nothing changed and he never woke up and Penelope continued to speak, he knew it was the complete God's honest truth.

"I-I understand if this is something you can't cope with, Kevin. I would never hold this over you," She told him truthfully, "Ever."

Kevin sat there and looked at Penelope, he couldn't believe that this morning had started fine and now his girlfriend had cancer. He couldn't deny that he loved her and cherished having her in his life and now as she gave him a get out from this relationship he felt overwhelmed to stay unmoved.

"I'm not leaving you," He told her and his eyes watered immediately. "I love you, Penny. I'll help you through this. I can support you and look after you and I will."

Penelope felt herself begin to cry, "Thank you," she began to sob and Kevin quickly captured her in his arms.

As they separated Kevin sat upright and stared at her. The words that left his mouth changed his entire promise feeling his minor speech. "You'll get through this," Kevin told her as he patted her hand sympathetically.

Penelope was struck at that. Kevin applied this battle on her; it was all hers and hers alone. Derek, however, had made it his battle too. It was their fight, not just hers. Even she couldn't stop herself from wanting to run to Derek after that cognitive thought entered her head.

As she watched Kevin sit opposite her, she felt a surge of disappointment rush through her veins. Maybe she was expecting aggression and fear of the potential to lose it all. Maybe she was after tears and sorrow. Maybe she expected an outburst of some point.

Not a man who absolved himself from the moment.

Then it hit her suddenly as Kevin got up from his place next to her. She had already received that. She had received anger and sadness, and she had already seen a man with fear in his eyes at the truth of her pain. Derek had been her knight, _her noir hero_, and had shown her the rush of anger and fear all in one shot. Kevin had just placated it and shed the feeling of responsibility off of his shoulders. He had left her defenceless, whilst Derek had cemented his place in her life.

"I'll think I'll go and get you your favourite Thai for dinner," Kevin said as he stopped in the doorway and turned to her with his small goofy grin. "And a box of red velvet cupcakes too for dessert."

There was Kevin Lynch's saving grace.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	2. Who's There and Who's Not

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Thank you to everyone who favourite, alerted and left a review – you all rule =) Now this is going to be a heartbreaker, but it'll be well worth it (or so I hope!). I hope you enjoy what's to come of this!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

As the days passed, Penelope's fears were going into overdrive, but her ability to confine them to the back of her mind was getting increasingly perfected. She knew if she could keep a lid on this, she would get through this blip in life fairly easily. She was a fighter after all. Being on this team made you into one whether you liked it or not.

But, Penelope could feel her fears taking over that cognitive thought and dampening it.

Whatever happened, tomorrow she would start chemo regardless, and she hadn't asked anyone but Kevin to go with her and he had let her down marginally. Why should she ask anyone else? He was her boyfriend, he should be there regardless. She could have asked Derek, but having Kevin as a boyfriend made her believe that it should be him that stepped up and took her above anyone else.

Penelope knew she had to tell the team, Hotch especially, because she knew she needed them to know what was happening, but she couldn't stop feeling like this was added stress and worry that they didn't need.

Then Derek popped into her head, chastising her for not telling them and she knew that the mental image of Derek was right. They _needed_ to know.

If there was one person she wanted on her side immediately, it was Emily. She knew from her she would get witty courage and understand that this was a fightable battle that she would beat – and knowing that if she didn't then Emily would give it a pretty good try.

Picking herself up off of her chair, Penelope went down to the bullpen and hesitated at the door. Seeing the bullpen still fairly empty, Emily was the only one on the team that was there, she inhaled deeply and went into the large room.

"Hey EP," Penelope said as she entered she tried to put on a smile. "Got a few minutes?"

"For you, PG, always," Emily said as she pushed her file away and looked up at her friend. "What's up?"

"Promise me you won't freak out?" Penelope asked simply as she slid onto her friend's desk. The last thing she wanted was for Emily to go ballistic at this news. After all she didn't think she would be able to cope with that sort of reaction.

"I'm freaking out now," She commented sarcastically as she tried to profile her friend quickly. For once, she couldn't work out what was wrong, but she knew it wasn't something good.

She couldn't hide the quick smirk at Emily's sarcasm; she needed a dose of that right now. Taking a deep breath, Penelope steadied herself quickly. "I start chemo tomorrow." Again the sentence came out harsh and blunt, but Penelope had no other ways to butter it up. She couldn't make herself make it sound positive. It was what it was - chemo.

"Chemo?" Emily repeated back at Penelope as she sat up straight. "As in chemo, _chemo_?" She asked her, "As in I've got cancer chemo?"

Penelope nodded and couldn't stop the tears from falling then. "That back ache I've been getting is a tumour, Em," Penelope managed to share with her friend and smiled bravely. "I haven't told anyone else yet, not apart from Morgan anyway. I just needed you by my side, my raven haired beauty." Penelope told Emily as she tried to add a bit of Penelope sass to the comment.

Emily reached up and took Penelope's hand, "Whatever you need, Pen, I'm here whatever."

"Thank you," Penelope whispered emotionally. She couldn't get the sadness that had formed on Emily's face out of her mind and she knew if two of them had shown it, then the chances were high that the other four of the team would pretty much match it.

Penelope wiped her face clean of tears, hoping she didn't look too much of a mess. She knew it wouldn't be long before everyone else flooded in and she had to somehow make it through telling the boss man about how her work schedule was going to be up in the air, if existent at all.

"I see you told her then," Derek commented as he saw the distraught look on Emily's face

Shooting round, Penelope looked at Derek as he stood just on the edge of the bullpen looking in on the pair. She tried to smile as she nodded

Derek stepped in and dropped a kiss to Penelope's forehead. "Morning, Baby Girl," He said as he then dropped his bag onto the table. "Want a drink you two?" He asked casually. It wasn't that he was used to the words – _Penelope had cancer_ – it was more that he knew it was a part of life now and he had to accept that as fact and not an erasable dream.

"Yeah, please," Emily said toneless as she realised she couldn't comprehend the news as quickly as she wanted to.

"I'm going to talk to Hotch and then head back to work so I'll pass. I'll tell the others later. I-I," She paused as she watched JJ get off of the elevator with Reid through the glass doors of the bullpen, "I can't do it just yet."

"Whatever you need, Baby Girl. Me and Em will be here regardless," Derek commented and looked to Emily who quickly agreed with him on that stance. Looking back he gave her a reassuring wink and smiled, "Lunch is on me, Goddess. Just you and me."

He watched her smile back at him in acceptance of that lunch date.

"What about me?" Emily said with a playful pout.

Derek leaned down to her, "You're not my baby girl."

Penelope couldn't help but laugh as she left the two to have their play fight. She needed to face this demon or she would bottle it.

They stopped and watched her go off to Hotch's office and knew that this was the hardest thing for Penelope to ever do. Putting a burden on the team was never her intention, but for once she had to let them in on what was going to be happening.

After all that's what families did – shared burdens and halved them.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope couldn't stop herself from clock watching. The confines of her office weren't doing a thing for her and she just wanted to get out in the fresh air and have a slice of sanity that she knew Derek would offer her. He would take her attention and hold it and make her think of something other than the next day.

"Hey Penny," Kevin called from behind her. "I just came up to see how you're doing."

Penelope smiled at the sweet gesture, "I'm doing okay, Honey," She retorted covering up her true fear. "Kevi, can I ask you something?"

"Course, Plum Sauce," He chirped as he entered her office completely. "What's up?"

"Can you please just come with me?" Penelope asked her boyfriend again as she stood up to face him. "I don't think I can do it alone."

Kevin smiled at her and brushed her hair back out of her face, "Of course you can." He told her confidently, "You're Penelope Garcia, you can do anything."

_I don't want to do it alone!_ Her mind screamed at her and she just had to face the facts that she could beg and plead and cry, but Kevin had made his mind up and that was how it was going to stay.

Penelope shook her head at that and looked at her boyfriend, her eyes bold and full with unshed tears. "I'm scared to do it alone," She finally admitted to him and felt her resolve weaken all the more.

"You'll be fine," Kevin said as he stepped in and took her hands in his. "I'll be there to pick you up when you're all done, but you can do this. Alone or with me." He watched as a tear fell down her cheek, "Hey no tears."

"I'm scared, why can't you see that?" She asked him emotionlessly and stared straight at him. "I really, honestly need you there, Kevin."

"I know, but I can't be there all the way. I will only be sitting there; you're the one that has to fight this. I won't be doing a lot," Kevin tried to sweeten this moment; he didn't want to argue with her. He also didn't want her know just how scared he was at the prospect of this turn in life. "I'm not going to not look after you, Penny, but I'm just saying that there isn't a lot I can do when I'm in the hospital."

Penelope sighed disappointedly as she realised that in Kevin's eyes this was a lone battle. Maybe he was right after all? No one could tag team her, or pull punches. This was her fight now. "I guess you're right," Penelope accepted defeat and let his hands go so she could turn off her computers.

"Don't be like that," Kevin started and stepped in to turn her around to face him, but was interrupted before he had a chance.

Derek knocked, intentionally to interrupt the pair, "Sorry to break the moment, but you ready to go, Pen?" He asked, he had already put lunch back twenty minutes as it were, but now he was starving and he knew that work waited on no man.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked defensively as he saw Penelope smile at her best friend. The jealous feeling rose in him again as it always did.

"I'm going to lunch with Morgan," Penelope told her boyfriend as she looked to Derek and gave him a smile.

Kevin's face fell, "Right, and when was this arranged?" He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"This morning," Penelope said and saw a moment to try and twist Kevin's arm enough to accompany her tomorrow. "Derek offered and right now I'm so consumed with tomorrow that I need a getaway."

"Like always," Kevin scoffed at her. "I'll see you later," Kevin said and stormed off out of the room.

Penelope looked to Derek feeling embarrassed by Kevin's attitude, "Can we go?" She asked as she felt desperate for an escape.

"Course, Baby Girl," Derek offered her a reassuring smile and put his hand out for her.

As ever, Penelope willingly took it.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Still hasn't manned up then I see," Derek commented as he watched the waitress walk off from their table after taking their order.

"Don't," Penelope warned as she reached for her drink trying in desperation to find some form of activity that would stop her shaking hands. "Seriously don't, Derek."

"Sorry," He quickly apologised, "I'll stop. You don't need me doing that to you. I know he'll look after you, but I just think he could do a better job."

"I just wanted him there," She shakily laughed as she ran her hand over her forehead. "Pathetically holding my hand."

"Nothing pathetic there, Baby Girl," Derek assured her quickly and swiftly.

"I'm scared about what's to come," Penelope fretted to her best friend, but how did she tell him that the man that should love her made her feel like the loneliest person alive? Maybe this was the make it break it of hers and Kevin's relationship. After everything that had already happened, this was the cataclysmic moment that told her whether they were destined to survive.

A part of her wanted to cut ties and run from Kevin, but she knew that that would be seen as drastic and maybe a little unwarranted. After all, she needed all of the support possible.

Derek reached over the table and took her hand, "You're gonna get through this, Baby. You're a fighter. I know you and I'll be here every step of the way, but you, Miss Penelope, are a fighter," He told her trying to be positive for her.

"Yeah well I don't feel much like one!" Penelope bellowed back and then sunk back into her chair trying to hide away. "Sorry. I'm really not coping well at the moment."

"P, you do not have to apologise for anything," Derek told her back gently and honestly. "You wanna cry then you do so. Wanna yell? I say do it, Baby."

"I shouldn't have to cry or yell! I shouldn't have to listen to you tell me what I am or how this is going to turn out because guess what, Derek? You don't get a say this time around! You can't always be Mr. Right!" The moment she had said it, Penelope regretted that sentence. He was being nice and she had let her fears go into overdrive and she was snapping at the one man that was trying to make this easier on her.

There was a couple of moments silent. Both were deep in thought, both were trying to make it look like they were just eating, but they weren't ignorant that the entire debacle about Penelope's new health status was driving a wedge between them slowly.

Why else had they started to argue? Or more like, why had Penelope now started to get short tempered with Derek when he was the one here for her?

"You know what?" Derek asked her quickly before answering his own question, "I'm coming with you – end of."

"Derek," Penelope tried to interject.

"No," Derek defied her as soon as she tried to stop him. "You shouldn't be just dropped off and picked up for something like this. Not when you're scared and vulnerable. You deserve to have someone there and if Lynch won't do that then I will. I wouldn't be a good best friend if I didn't do that for you."

"You don't have to," Penelope withdrew his responsibilities. "You didn't become my friends to do this."

"Pen," He said simply to make her look up at him, "I am your best friend, and any struggle that you come up against becomes mine regardless. You're stuck with me for life, and I wouldn't be holding true to my promise of looking after you for a lifetime if I didn't stick by your side at this turning point."

"I did Monday on my own," Penelope told him back, not wanting to get hopeful that this was real. "I got through everything that happened then alone. I can do this."

"We've all been to doctor's appointments by ourselves," Derek started and saw Penelope's expression. "It wasn't just a doctor's appointment was it?"

Looking at her hands, Penelope sighed and looked up at Derek, "It was, but then I had to go for an examination, MRI, and a biopsy," Penelope shrugged, "If I can do that alone surely I can do this?"

Derek's heart cramped at thinking of what Penelope had done on her own and he was sick of her thinking already that she had to do it that way. "You did that alone, but I won't let you do the rest of it alone. I don't care what you say, Baby Girl. I am not happy with you having to _think _you have to do it alone. That doesn't sit right me. I honestly don't give a fuck about if Lynch minds, or if Lynch gets hurt. At the moment you're getting hurting by his attitude and I won't allow it."

Finally, a sense of optimism fell on Penelope, but the moment that Derek's cell began to ring out, she knew that the doubt building in her was more than a little warranted. Penelope listened as Derek's face darkened as the call proceeded and she knew they had caught a case.

She knew what to expect as the call ended.

"Case?" Penelope asked him sadly and watched as Derek nodded sadly at her. She had accepted that cases crept up at the worst time possible a long time ago, but today she begrudged them.

"You know I'm gonna be back before you know it," Derek vowed to her as they stood up and he threw down enough money to cover the bill. "I will be back for you, Baby Girl."

Penelope smiled hard, trying to believe him, "I know."

She guessed she was really alone for the beginning of this new life now.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	3. Keeping You Around

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_So I never intended there to be quite the wait on this! I know I mentioned it would be every other day, but it feels ridiculously ages since I posted an update... Nonetheless, enjoy this rather long chapter =)_

_Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favourites!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope sat in the large room, her nerves in overdrive now. She was pleased that she was placed in the corner out of the way, in a place she could ignore everything if she so wished to. As she had been led in, she had seen men and women at all levels of their treatment. She had seen the sickest of the sick, to the healthiest of them all.

Now she wondered what she would look like when the chemotherapy would take hold of her. Would she finally lose those extra pounds she had been trying to leave or would she become too thin? Would she become bald and lose one of her best assets? Would she cave under the strain and become really ill or would she be able to keep on top of it all?

She guessed time would tell her.

As the nurse spoke to her, Penelope wasn't really paying attention, she gave answers, and was polite, but the whole situation of having the IV placed in her arm and being hooked up to the drug that was going to save her was all a blur.

She was almost becoming detached from this, whatever this was. She thought to Kevin as he did whatever he wanted and then she thought to the team and how she wished she was in work helping them fight crime.

"You might want this," The lady next to Penelope gestured and passed a book over once Penelope looked at her. "It gets _pretty _boring when you're here alone."

"Er, thanks," Penelope responded with a meek smile and then looked to the book, not sure what to do.

"You're definitely new to this," She teased her lightly and then leaned over and put her hand out. "Fiona."

Accepting the hand shake, Penelope smiled, "Penelope" She said and felt more comfortable now knowing someone even if she had just met her. "You alone too?"

"My husband had a meeting so I forgave him easily, but yes" Fiona quipped comfortably. "When you've had chemo as long as me, you get used to clashing of commitments trust me."

"How long have you been having chemo?" Penelope asked wearily as she took in Fiona's appearance. This woman was gaunt, and weak looking with a black bandana wrapped around what was presumably her now bald head.

"Three months," She replied with a smile. "Believe me, this doesn't change a girl." She motioned to the scarf with a cheeky grin, "My husband still ravages me."

Penelope huffed a laugh; Kevin hadn't so much as touched her sexually since her diagnosis so she wasn't holding out hope that her boyfriend was going to become some sex fiend. Derek however, had picked up in the levels of touching and attentive kisses he left whenever he merely left a room or arrived. A strike of irony hit her, trust her best friend to be the man that made her feel fine, but her boyfriend only put her on edge.

"Did I say something to offend you, Penelope?" Fiona asked as she picked up on the sudden inset of silence that seemed to settle into the room.

"No, not at all," Penelope responded honestly. "Just having relationship issues."

"You do tend to when you first start out, but you really find out who loves you and who doesn't when this sort of thing happens. Believe me, you really do," Fiona told her modestly and it was easy to see that she was reflecting upon past experiences.

Penelope recognised that look and couldn't help, but fall almost into her own heavy flowing reverie. It took her all of five minutes to realise that her main thoughts were about when she had to drop the bombshell on the other four members of her team. How she had to be weak to be strong and let them in. She knew she was most hesitant because she knew the moment she admitted it to them, she would have fully admitted it to herself.

"_Hey Boss Man," Penelope said after she had opened the door. "Got a few minutes, Sir?"_

"_It's Hotch, Penelope," Hotch told her and looked up with a smile. "What can I do for you?"_

_Penelope coughed nervously, "I think I might need to leave the team, Hotch. I mean I understand that's not my choice right now, not with my contract, but I-I need t-to," As the moment of truth drew closer, Penelope felt the words stick to her mouth like some form of toffee. They were there, but they were stuck._

"_Is this about why you have a personal day tomorrow?" Penelope nodded tearfully at her boss. Hotch stood up and went towards her as he noted Penelope's emotions take over. "You know you can talk to me about anything, Penelope, right?_

_Penelope bit her lip, "I have cancer." She whispered to him and tried to be strong. "I start chemotherapy tomorrow. That's why I think I might need to leave."_

"_You are not leaving," Hotch told her as he remained stoic and strong for her. "You know myself and the others on the team will be here for you every step of the way, but don't think that leaving the team is ever an option."_

"_I've been told to expect to take a couple of months off to help this along. I can't expect my job to just be here when I'm better," Penelope went quiet for a moment, "If I get better."_

_Hotch walked towards her and placed his hands on her arms, "I will make sure your job is here waiting on you when you beat this, but in the mean time you do not need the added stress that this job presses. I'm not going to take the option away from you, but I want you to work on your terms."_

"_Are you sure?" Penelope asked as she felt the tears fall down her cheeks. She didn't want her life to stop, but she realised that there would come a point when she would have to slow down and literally take a break from reality and fight this full on._

"_You're my TA, Penelope. You're irreplaceable," He told her and gave her a reassuring smile. "Plus you're family, and we have to stick together. I will be here every step of the way."_

_Then unnaturally, Penelope wrapped her arms around Hotch's neck in a fierce, grateful hug. Even more unnaturally was that Hotch didn't push her away, nor did he let her go easily._

Penelope smiled as she remember her boss' reaction and it warmed her to know that she would have such a courageously strong man by her side – or well, one of many.

"_Penelope," Rossi said as the door opened and he watched her walk in. "What can I do for you, Kitten?"_

"_Can I have a word quickly?" She asked him simply._

"_Sure thing," Rossi said as he put his pen down. "What's wrong?" He asked as he picked up her beaten demeanour. "I've been meaning to ask since we got back on Tuesday. You're a bit too quiet for my liking."_

"_I have cancer," Penelope told him lowly, her attention disappearing. "I found out Monday, I start my treatment tomorrow." She finalised by looking up as he moved and she felt another inch of the weight of this lift._

"_Oh, Bella," Rossi said as he took her in his arms and held her tight for a moment. "You should have come to me, to us sooner." Pulling back he looked at her with a smile, "You should have gotten us on board."_

"_I was scared," She replied to him with so much truth it nearly knocked Rossi off of his feet. "But I just need you guys to know now. I need you." She admitted to him sincerely._

"_Well you have Lynch on hand as well, he'll treat you good," Rossi said as he applied faith slickly into his statement._

"_I'm really doubting that right now," Penelope tried to cover that concern with a brief smile._

_Rossi's expression darkened, "If he dares fail you, then he's got a lot more coming to him than being dumped," Rossi vowed fiercely. "You know you have us with you all the way. From here to when you beat this."_

"_Could be a long wait, Dave," Penelope replied to him sadly._

"_We've got all the time in the world, Kitten," Rossi told her optimistically. _

Shifting a little, Penelope reminded herself of how it felt when she had to tell JJ and Reid. She remembered just how much more it hurt her to tell them than it was to sit in the doctor's office and be told the truth.

"_Hey Sweetie," Penelope said as she came towards Reid from Rossi' office. She wiped her face as he looked up at her._

"_Have you been crying?" He asked her, stating the obvious._

_Penelope smiled, "Fancy going into JJ's office so we can have a chat?" Penelope asked him and as she saw him nod, she looked to Emily. "Could you get Derek for me?" She asked and felt a lump building in her throat. "I need you two for this," She swallowed hard. "This is the worse one."_

"_Sure thing, PG. I'll be right up," Emily said understandingly, "Go get the ball rolling."_

_Watching her leave, she turned and saw Rossi disappearing into Hotch's office and knew he was going to discuss the latest news within the team – her. Heading up to JJ's office, she heard them both speculating about what required them both to be together at once._

"_Hey," She said as he went in and left the door open a little, "We need to talk."_

"_What's wrong?" JJ asked as she took a step towards Penelope._

"_I won't be in work a lot after today," Penelope started slowly, this time she wasn't able to just blurt it out. She knew that Reid wasn't as strong as the others; she had seen him after Emily's '_death' _almost a year ago. He didn't handle change like this and she knew it._

"_You didn't get a new job did you?" JJ quickly asked defensively. "I mean why wouldn't you tell me that?"_

"_It's definitely not a job, JJ," Derek said as he stepped in behind Penelope with Emily. "She's still going to be sticking around here."_

"_Then what?" Reid asked as he tried to decide what it could possibly be._

"_I have to start chemo tomorrow," She told them and felt Derek's hand slip into hers as her voice quivered. "I have a tumour on my spine and the docs wanna pump me full of chemo to kill the literal pain in my ass," She tried to joke, but her tone wasn't quite matching it. _

"_You're going to be okay," Was all JJ said as she put her hand to her mouth to calm herself down in the initial wake of the news._

_When Reid wrapped her arms around Penelope, JJ couldn't help but following suit and soon Penelope felt Derek and Emily latch on for the group hug._

_She knew she had a little army with her now._

Penelope lavished the feel of her friend's arms around her. Her being in the middle of JJ, Derek, Reid and Emily was a feeling that had comforted her all through the night before when they had hijacked the evening and with Kevin's help distracted her, and wore her out enough to make her sleep.

"Hey Penelope," Fiona's voice broke into Penelope's thought. "You went a little vacant there."

"Sorry," Penelope smiled back and looked as she was now standing, "You all done?"

Fiona smiled, "For another week," She looked over her shoulder to the door way, "My husband's here." She said and then invited him over. "Jake, this is Penelope. Penelope, my husband Jake."

"Nice to meet you," Penelope said and put her hand out to him.

"You too," She smirked back at her. His eyes tracing her as if inspecting her, almost evaluating her. "First time, I'm guessing?"

"You'd be correct," Penelope replied to him.

"Next time, Penelope, bring someone," Fiona told her warmly and took her husband's hand. "I'll see you later," Fiona told her and gave her a sympathetic smile. "I remember the first time; believe me when I tell you to take it as easy as possible. You'll be better for it."

"I'll take that on board. Go on, get home," Penelope pushed her understandingly.

As she watched Fiona's husband come in and help her out she felt her reserve slip all over again. Every time she thought she had a hang of her emotions something hit her right out of her control. Her heart was affected by this predicament right now and she knew that she was falling for the wrong side of perfection – Derek.

Penelope said goodbye to Fiona after a brief introduction with the woman's husband and watched as he looped his arm around her waist and kept her safe and cared for in one small gesture. That was something Penelope wanted Kevin to do, but so far, Derek was the one to issue that for her.

Kevin wasn't her true love, Derek was, but why would he even want her now?

She never stood a chance, and now the word _cancer_ completely demolished all hope from her heart.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Placing his hands onto the counter top, Derek leaned in haste, "Penelope Garcia, please. She started her first chemotherapy session today." He asked the nurse behind reception who promptly smiled and told him she would check to see if Penelope was still under treatment.

"I'll take you to her," The nurse interrupted Derek and the other nurse. "She's still got a while left."

"Thank you," He breathed in relief. He wasn't sure if to ask how it was going or just wait. He didn't know which would wrangle his nerves more.

He decided to remain quiet and let Penelope tell him when he saw her.

Derek walked in, following the petit middle-aged nurse that was guarding him. It didn't take him long to pinpoint Penelope as she sat in the chair nearest the window, her legs curled up under her as she looked out at the hospital garden just beyond the window pane.

Looking over as she sensed movement, Penelope came face to face with Derek and her face immediately illuminated with a smile, but she felt the tears claw at her throat as she realised he must have jeopardised his career to come to her.

"What are you doing here?" Penelope asked him, her voice a little chocked. She was ready to scold him if he had gone against orders to be here.

Derek swooped in to give her a hug, "This isn't something you have to start on your own, Baby Girl. Hotch sent me back," He told her with a smile and back off. Now he looked nervously around, and then at the IV in Penelope's arm, the tubing looping up into the drip.

Sensing his despair at that moment, Penelope wanted to make him comfortable. "It's really not as bad as anyone says," Penelope said with ease as she took in Derek's stricken expression. "Well not yet." She shrugged and offered him a light smile, "It's painless, Handsome. I'm fine." He didn't seem to be convinced by that and she smiled brighter, "Grab a seat and be quiet," She teased him and saw him break into a grin. "Go on."

Rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, Derek looked for a seat and grabbed on and quickly sat down. "So," He started, but halted.

"Are you nervous?" Penelope asked him out right with a grin so full of tease it was obvious. "You are, aren't you?"

"And you're not?" He questioned back at her with a cocked brow.

She shrugged a little, "You should have seen me this morning. Then you wouldn't even need to ask me." She smiled and reached for his hands. "It's scary, yeah, but it's okay, honest."

Derek ran a hand over his head defeat, "You know how I feel about you, Pen. I hate you getting hurt, or being ill. I feel so helpless."

"You're here," Penelope told him with a confident smile. "You're helping me right now, beyond belief actually, Handsome." She had to smile more as Derek finally broke into a smile – one that wasn't covering up or lying to her. It was one of her favourite smiles he could offer her.

"Oh did the nincompoop that is Kevin turn up then," Came a voice from behind Derek. "It's about time." She continued, unafraid to insult.

Penelope couldn't withhold the giggle as Derek looked at little stunned, "He's still a no shower. This is my best friend, Derek." She introduced the pair and looked at her perplexed, "What are you still doing here?"

"I'm curious me," Fiona quipped back. "I saw this man and heard him ask for a Penelope. You're the only Penelope in this room and so I had to pry a little. You don't look much like a Kevin so it was right of me to pry. You gonna do the job he's not man enough to do?"

"Oh you betcha," Derek said with slick enthusiasm and looked to Penelope amused. "You've been here no more than three hours and you're already gaining a posse of Lynch haters, Baby Girl?" Derek quipped with a smirk. He looked over his shoulder at the women that stood beside him, "You're my type of women already."

"You're my type of man," Fiona teased quickly with a giggle.

"Sorry, Fiona, I'm promised to one woman and she's sitting beside me," Derek said as he slipped his hand into Penelope's.

Fiona's face crumpled with confusion, "Erm, I thought you were best friends?"

"He's protective," Penelope joked with a self assured smile. "Plus, Hot Stuff, she's married." She pointed out and Fiona showed her rings to him. "You're all mine."

From the look of her expression, Fiona wasn't bought with that comment. She sensed there was more to it, and she just hoped that this time next week Penelope would be around for her to pry a little more. "Right, I best be off," Fiona said with a smile. "I'm guessing I'll see you again next week?" She asked and Penelope nodded to the woman, "What about you," She paused and smirked, "Derek?"

"I'll be here with my girl don't you worry," He said with a self-assured smirk. If he had it his way, he would look after Penelope and not even allow Kevin the right to see her, but he had to be rational. His dreams wouldn't become a reality anytime soon.

"Next time then, you and my husband can talk whatever and leave the women to gossip," Fiona quipped and finally left the pair alone.

Penelope sighed and caught Derek's attention.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly.

"That was all I wanted, Derek," Penelope said as she looked to her best friend. "For the man that said he loved me to be here for me." She quickly wiped the tears away, wishing to banish them immediately. "Am I not worth that to him?"

Derek's heart was aching in that moment. The man that did love her was sitting right beside her, but she couldn't see that and he wasn't going to throw that at her. Taking her hand, he offered it a small squeeze, "You watch, he'll hold you tonight and you'll forget all about to day."

"No I won't," Penelope told Derek honestly. "I can never forget when you step in and save the day."

"Well then in that case," Derek replied to her, "Think you can cope with my presence around you a lot more?" Derek asked her casually. He wasn't going to let Lynch be the sole carer when Derek could do just the same job.

"I think that would make this whole predicament a hell of a lot easier, Handsome," Penelope chimed back with a smile.

"Good, because I ain't leaving you, Baby Girl!"

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	4. Left to Wonder

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Here we go guys, this was on with the last chapter, but I decided to cut it down so it wouldn't be like a 6,000 word chapter =P And it bides me more time to get more updates ;) _

_Thanks as always, and enjoy!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You okay?" Derek asked as Penelope slipped her arm onto his. He felt her slowly dragging her feet and it finally kicked in how quick the effects of this were kicking in. After sitting with her for the rest of the duration for her chemo, she had listened to call Kevin and then they had sat and waited for his call. In between the end of the session and the arrival of her boyfriend, her body had finally tired to the extremes.

Penelope put her head to his shoulder, "Just tired," She yawned and spotted Kevin's old car. "He's here."

Derek felt her pull away, but Derek kept her close, "I don't think you have the energy to make it on your own, so let me just do this and then I can hand you over."

Feeling the smile pull on her lips, Penelope realised there was a reason why she loved this man so much However, the smile disappeared as upon opening the car door, Penelope was greeted as she was met with her boyfriend's defensive whine. Involuntarily she groaned out.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Kevin asked defensively. "I thought you went alone. Did you set this up because I wouldn't go with you?"

"Don't start," Penelope stopped him as Derek helped her into the passenger side of Kevin's car. "I'm tired; and I can't be bothered with it." She stopped him; she really didn't have it in her to take Kevin's nitpicking and whining on. She wanted him to just man up and realise that Derek was going to be a big part of her life, especially now.

"She just needed a little sidekick, Man. Hotch let me go from the case and I promised Pen that if she needed the support I'd be here. That's all, now you have to take her home and look after her," Derek told the other _great_ guy in Penelope's life. He thought of the irony – if he were great he would be there every step of the way.

"Fine," Kevin whined and looked to Penelope, "Was it okay?"

"It was fine," Penelope told him blandly and looked to him with a small smile. She wasn't going to go into details when details weren't what he wanted to hear.

"See!" Kevin chirped in an _I-told-you-so_ tone of voice. "I knew you'd be okay. You didn't need anyone there to do that. It's all down to you, Plum Sauce."

Penelope scoffed and looked up at Derek, "Thank you, Handsome, for today. I'll drop you a text later so you don't worry."

"Okay, Baby Girl," He said and leaned down to look at Kevin, "Get our girl home and look after her."

"On it," Kevin said and smiled as Derek closed the door. He couldn't lie, he felt hurt that Derek had been there, but he had dug this grave and now he had to live with it.

Looking to her best friend, she felt her heart sink a little as Kevin put his foot to the gas they drove away, leaving Derek behind on the sidewalk. It was like he had done his job and now he was discarded of completely.

Derek watched Kevin's old, worn down car drive off and he hated the sinking feeling in his chest. He didn't want her to go off with him, she deserved better. She deserved him, not Kevin 'wimp' Lynch. She needed strength and courage and she needed a man that would mingle both of her worlds together and make her feel positive and empowered.

Walking towards his car, Derek guessed he would just have to suck it up and be her best friend and noir hero.

Exactly how Penelope loved him to be.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

As soon as he had gotten her home, Kevin had put her to bed. He had tried to get her to eat, even stay up for meal and movie, but all she wanted was to sleep. Respecting her wishes, he helped her change into her pyjamas and then he went downstairs.

In his house knowing she was upstairs, he felt extremely lonely.

He kept checking the time, and realised that he couldn't just sit around and feel like this, so he took himself upstairs and joined Penelope in bed. Crawling in next to her, he felt a sense of adoration creep over him as she sought out his arms for comfort. With her asleep on him, he closed his eyes, placed a kiss on her forehead and went to sleep.

It didn't seem real when he felt Penelope push away from him and bolt for the bathroom. It was still dark out and he was disorientated from the rude wake up. He had an inkling of what had happened, but he had no idea as to what to do.

Penelope threw up the moment she was near enough to the toilet and rested before she felt the next urge to bring up the contents of her stomach. The more she retched the more the pull came on her stomach and she felt all the more pathetic. She rested against the toilet for a moment before the convulsion in her stomach occurred again. She knew if this carried on then she would start bringing up pure bile. She had hardly eaten all day and now she was throwing up. This wasn't destined to end well.

"Penny!" Kevin called out to her sleepily, "You okay?"

_Am I okay?_ Penelope's mind asked her and the only response she had for him was to just throw up all over again. No! She wasn't okay! If anything Penelope wanted to sit and cry at how awful she was feeling so suddenly. Sure she had been warned that the first chemo session would be gruelling, but she thought her body might have cut some slack and allowed her to gain some strength before this kick started.

After feeling her body calm and her stomach settle, Penelope got up shakily, flushed the loo and grabbed a glass of water. Going into the bedroom, she fell onto the bed face firstand was instantly asleep, only just feeling Kevin's hand rub her back comfortingly.

Her sleep didn't last long as she felt herself need to throw up again. This time the urge wasn't as urgent and she grabbed her phone as she went. When she stood she felt worse than before, her head now pounding and her body shook a little. Sliding down the wall by the toilet she used her foot to kick the door shut and put her head back to the wall waiting on the nausea to stop.

Checking her cell, she realised that she had a messages from Derek. She smiled as she read them and got to the final one. _'I'm hoping the silent treatment is you resting up, BG x'_

-I was, not anymore I'm afraid, Hot Stuff xx

'_Now you wake up? At nearly 3am? x_

-Why are you even up? xx

'_Uh uh, Doll face, I asked first x_

-Sickness... Mamma feels like crap xx

Penelope awaited a text back, but her phone started ringing. "Hey," She whispered down the phone to him. How was she supposed to not love a man that continued to put her above everything in life? How did she try to deny her heart what it called? Especially when her boyfriend was sleeping in the other room.

It was as she sat alone, in the middle of the night, her best friend on the other end of the line that she realised just how quickly she had fallen out of love with Kevin. That was a prospect just as scary as being told you had cancer.

"Hey yourself," Derek responded lightly. "I'm guessing that because you answered Kevin's not up."

"Nope," Penelope responded, "I don't think he calls the bathroom a perfect sleeping ground."

"But you do?" Derek quipped, and Penelope could almost see Derek said with a quizzical look on his face, one eyebrow cocked up, giving her that same questioning look that beat it out of her every time.

"Safer to befriend the toilet," Penelope tried to joke. "I woke him up already running for here earlier. I feel bad as it is; I don't wanna feel guilty too."

"Has it gotten that bad?" Derek asked her cautiously. He could hear it in her voice just how ill she was feeling all of a sudden and he could feel his restraint to stay where he was when he knew she was feeling sick and now she was feeling bad for hurting her boyfriend's feelings. He felt a bubble of anger pop within her as he thought to Kevin – The man should be there!

"With Kevin or with the side effects?" Penelope asked back a little hesitant as she put her head to wall and closed her eyes.

"Both," Derek said back warily to her.

Penelope smiled, "They coincide," She mocked and yawned heavily. "I think I need to try and sleep a bit more."

"Sounds a plan," Derek responded, "Think Kevin will actually step up and help you out? I mean, because right now I want to push him out and take over, Baby Girl. I just need to know he's going to start taking better care of you." Derek teased, "More importantly, do you think he'd mind if I came over tomorrow?"

"If he does then I'll threaten to erase his history," Penelope sarcastically said. "You both want what's best for me so I don't see it being an issue."

"Well text me in the morning, let me know how you slept," Derek demanded lovingly. "Okay?"

"Got it. Await my call, mere mortal," She teased lightly. "Night, Handsome," Penelope told him and smiled, "I love you, thank you for today."

"All in a days work," He batted the attention away. "Love you too, Baby," He replied, "Sleep tight."

Ending the call, Penelope just lay down, lavishing the coolness of the floor and closed her eyes, not seeing the text flash up on her screen - '_Remember, good or bad, I'll always love you, BG. You're my little fighter xx_'

Kevin woke up to the same empty bed, Penelope's side stone cold. Getting up, he saw the bathroom door slightly ajar.

When he went in and found her asleep on the bathroom floor, her phone clasped in her hand he knew exactly who was keeping her company. He grabbed the phone and saw she had message, reading it, his heart clenched fiercely for a moment. Sighing, he put the phone on the side and went into his bedroom, grabbed Penelope's favourite blanket and a pillow and went into the bathroom.

He noticed she had the shivers, but when he touched her she was hot. Putting the blanket on her and placing the pillow under her head he pushed some hair back and knew he was breaking already.

It was supposed to be an excuse, but really he didn't want to see Penelope in a hospital getting chemotherapy, because he didn't want this to be real. He was in denial, and being like that was costing him everything – even his sanity. Detaching from the reality of it all, he kept his mind set on it being any other day in their semi-normal lives. One where there was no cancer or no potential threat where Penelope's life was endangered by an illness.

For once, he wondered if 'the get out' Penelope had offered would have been better for everyone, Instead of subjecting her to this relationship any longer. He knew he loved her and she loved him, but he just couldn't offer her the solace she was after.

Kevin knew right away, as he lay awake feeling helpless, that he would not get used to this lifestyle.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	5. Thoughtful Thoughtlessness

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Thank you for all of the reviews, guys and the alerts and favourites! I hope you enjoy what's to come of this =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope nursed her back almost four weeks later. The pain was sharp and was acting as a reminder of why she was at this point in her life – _like she could forget!_ She walked over to her couch and fell into the spot that she had barely moved from for the last few hours. It was getting dark now, but she had only moved because she needed to use the bathroom. Now she could resume what she was doing - _Nothing_.

If someone had told her this would be this gruelling for just one month, she would have laughed. Albeit nervously, but she would have laughed at the lunacy that these effects would be so effective. Maybe it was a good sign. The worse you felt the better the chemo was working? Penelope huffed, she knew that was wishful thinking, but if she didn't have that then she wouldn't move again.

Penelope lay staring up at the ceiling in her apartment. Her body was entirely spent, she ached like hell and she didn't want to speak to anyone. She just wanted to lay here and forget for a little while. She wanted to be oblivious that tomorrow would be another session and she knew it was only downhill from here.

She knew that this time tomorrow she would be in the bathroom ill, feeling miserable all over again and she knew that she would have to get through it alone because Kevin was too tired to cope with it all this week.

_What type of life was this for the both of them_? She didn't know, she just knew that a part of her wanted to keep life normal and not admit change by telling Kevin it was over. There was enough changing as it was that she didn't want to make anyone leave her just yet.

As her mind became consumed, she still held faith that the ceiling would miraculously give her some divine answers.

"Nothing good on the ceiling," Derek said as he near enough flopped onto the couch and joined her in staring upwards. When he had entered she hadn't even budged nor did she jump in surprise. She was in her own world entirely, and he knew to just go with it and draw her out of herself if at all possible.

"It's thoughtless," Penelope mentioned as she didn't let go of her spot on the roof above. "Plus lying like this takes away from the headache and the nausea."

"You're becoming a bit too thoughtful lately," Derek commented and heard her sigh. "Share," He prompted her, no bar's held, he just wanted answers.

"I bet you never sat around and thought I'd be this much hassle when you first met me," Penelope finally spoke into the silence.

"I knew you'd be this much hassle, Baby," Derek joked and laughed when Penelope swung to hit him. "You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

"Isn't it?" Penelope asked as she looked to him.

"I don't see it like that at all," he commented back and sat up to look at her. "Why would you?"

"You've not been out in a while," Penelope pointed out. "I mean no late night hook ups, or too much drinking. You've had nothing but me and work."

"My priority's right here that's why," Derek said as he grabbed her hand in his. "No one even comes remotely close."

Penelope smiled at him for that, "You're the best, you know that?"

"I know," He said jokingly and winked. "Now why aren't you in bed? We got chemo number five tomorrow morning." He hated to remind her, but he hated that she wasn't sleeping or even attempting it, and he hated Kevin for not being here trying to help her.

"Can't sleep," Penelope told him, "Hence why I'm still here."

"How long have you been here?" Derek asked her and frowned as he watched her shrug thoughtfully.

"Good question," Penelope responded, she hadn't been clock watching, she just remembered sitting on the couch and letting the day lapse by. All of a sudden she felt herself being lifted and looked up at Derek, "What are you doing?" Penelope asked him quizzically.

"Taking you to bed," Derek pointed out as he began the small distance.

"Ooh," Penelope started, "I thought you'd never get around to it." She watched Derek chuckle as he laid her down and pulled the quilt down so he could tuck her in. When he was done, Penelope could do nothing but grab her hand, "Not the couch."

Derek didn't reply, he kicked his boots off, and his jacket and climbed onto the bed. "Comfortable?" Derek asked as he pulled the sheets up around her even more and cuddled her even closer. Already he could feel the weight loss from her body; he could feel how quickly the cancer was ripping through her body.

"Extremely," Penelope murmured as the exhaustion in her just took control of her body. "It's been a while since I felt this comfortable."

"Good," Derek said and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "When's Kevin due back, Baby?"

Penelope shrugged a little, "Tomorrow sometime, I think." She managed and felt her morale drop even more. "He's working on some computer programme or something. It's just you and me."

Feeling a little more satisfied with that, Derek settled down. He didn't want to tread on anyone's toes, and he was certainly aware of the tension growing between Kevin and Penelope whenever he was round. However, it wasn't enough to make Derek just drop what he wanted to do this life. He wanted to be there for Penelope and he would be there for her whatever.

When Kevin came home he found Derek holding Penelope as she slept and he felt the anger rise. However, a part of him was relieved that Penelope was resting and sleeping after a restless week and a bit. He was just saddened that it wasn't down to him that she was resting.

The twisted emotions in him told him to leave.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"So Kevin's still a no show?" Fiona grumbled to Penelope as they say through the new session of chemotherapy. She looked to the brunette on her right and then back to Penelope. "Me and Jessica wanna meet this boyfriend of yours."

"He doesn't like mingling this world and that," Penelope defended her boyfriend again.

"This and that?" Jessica asked Penelope. "What's to mingle? You still go home and have the side effects to deal with so whatever you're mingling the worlds."

"He likes to keep himself on the edge of it all," Penelope continued to keep it defensive. "Out of it and on the straight and narrow."

"And Derek?" Fiona asked with a knowing grin, "What about him?"

Penelope shrugged, "He's protective of me." She then looked to Katy, the new girl that they had drawn into their group and smiled. "So Honey, what's your story?"

"I got diagnosed with a gestational trophoblastic tumour," Katy told them. She knew what each of them had, and she was amazed that four women could have such different cancers.

"Ouch! More syllables, worse it is," Fiona worried with a sad head shake.

"Don't listen to her, Honey, she's pulling your leg," Penelope calmed the other lady and gave Fiona a scolding look. "She does this to break the ice. She literally threw a book at me on our first meeting so it's nothing personal."

"There's something I've been curious about for a while now," Jessica, the other woman in the group spoke up as peace settled back down.

"What's that?" Penelope asked back.

"Why haven't you lost your hair yet?" Jessica questioned jokingly in response, "I lost mine almost instantly. Yours isn't even making an attempt to leave you."

Penelope shrugged, "Sheer stubborn will?" Penelope quipped with a small laugh. "I plan to keep this as long as possible."

"You don't get choice in the matter," Fiona joked back. "Believe me, when that first bit goes, you know you're screwed."

"I'm guessing that hurdles fast approaching," Penelope fretted, but as she looked at the women around her, all at different stages of their treatment she realised that it possibly wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be.

"Ooh, McHottie on red alert," Fiona quipped as Derek came back in with Jake following him.

"Yours or mine?" Penelope joked and both women laughed. Looking up to Derek, Penelope's laughter stopped as she noted Derek's unhappy expression. "What's up?"

"Work," He started. "Baby Girl, Hotch just called, we caught a case," Derek said as he broke the women's chat. "I gotta shoot, but if you're not okay with me leaving you then I can call him right back."

"Handsome, you can't keep skipping work," Penelope told him confidently, "It's not going to end well for you."

"I just don't wanna leave you," Derek responded.

"As soon as you're back, you come straight to me," Penelope demanded of him with a small smile.

Derek watched Penelope give him a little smile and he knew as soon as he was done that he could come back and be with her all over again. "You know I don't want to leave."

"I know, but duty calls, _Agent_ Morgan," Penelope reminded him of his position and smiled a little brighter. "Go before I ring Boss Man to come and escort you out."

"I'm going," He replied to her satisfied. "See you three ladies later," Derek said to each of the women before going to Penelope. "Keep me posted, Baby Girl." He said as he kissed her cheek tentatively. "I'll be back before you know it."

"I'll speak to you later, Handsome," Penelope told him as he pushed up. She watched him linger and giggled lightly, "Go!" She chided him and watched him leave entirely, giving her a quick glance and a wink before he disappeared entirely.

"So what's the dealio there?" Fiona asked as she turned her body to face Penelope, to show how much business she was meaning. "I mean, he's here, Kevin's not. You act like a couple, but you're not. What gives?"

Penelope shrugged, "It's complicated." She then put her hand to her forehead questioningly, closing her eyes with anticipation. "Actually you know what, it's not complicated."

"You've already said it was, which makes it so," Fiona told Penelope. "So what made you admit it was?" Fiona said and wouldn't let Penelope drop her gaze as she dared her to continue. "Well?" Fiona pushed and Penelope dropped her gaze completely to her lap. "We're friends here, Pen. You should be able to talk to us."

"He doesn't love me," Penelope replied as she looked back up, "Not like that anyway."

Fiona looked to Jessica and back, "Do you love him?"

"I have Kevin," Penelope replied almost in a whisper.

"That doesn't answer the question," Katy dropped in after listening to the world converse.

"It'd never work, so let's leave it at that," Penelope finalised the topic at hand. She tried to smile the feeling bursting within her and move on. "Like I said, I have Kevin and Derek, he-he's going to find an amazing woman and I'll be the last thing that he thinks of."

"Not after this," Fiona told her and put her hand out for Penelope to take.

Penelope rolled her eyes to take the tears away, "I have Kevin, it's wrong of me to think I'm in love with Derek. It's not fair on either of them, not now in life. Not when I need them both so much." Penelope finished and realised that she was only keeping Kevin around by fear, not by choice or want. She was scared to lose him, like she was terrified to lose Derek.

"If you're not ready to let Kevin go, that doesn't make you a bad guy, Pen, it makes you human. Someone who's scared of what life's dealt her and she doesn't want to lose anything because then you lose a sense of yourself with it." She smiled as she looked at Penelope's shocked expression. "This type of predicament can make or break relationships and it's easy for me to pick out who's relationship is breaking and who's is just starting here, Penelope."

"Don't hold on to Kevin because you're scared, Babe," Jessica said as she leaned forward. "Grab a hold of who you want and cherish him."

"He won't want a girl with a cancer," Penelope told them, ignorant that they had been in the same predicament with their other halves at some point in their lives.

Fiona scoffed, "We'll let time do the talking, but I think he's pretty much sticking around to look after you exactly how you should be looked after."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was a few days later, that Derek had came round as soon as the case was over. He had rang, and Kevin had answered Penelope's cell. He begrudgingly allowed Derek to come over, but he knew that it could be the pick up that Penelope was in dire need of.

In the last three days Penelope had been hit with extreme exhaustion and her mood was anything, but high. She couldn't pick herself up to smile and barely made it from the bed to the couch.

The moment Derek had arrived, Penelope's mood had lifted a little, but she was so tired, she could do nothing but accept a hug off of him and cuddle in as she sleepily told her boyfriend to put a movie on. By the time the movie was in, Penelope was sound asleep.

Now, after sitting through half of the movie, Kevin was not only getting agitated, but he was getting antsy and impatient about getting himself to bed. He knew Derek and Penelope's movie nights run deep into the night, but this was a Kevin and Derek movie night whilst Penelope slept. This wasn't normal, and Kevin didn't want it to become a regular.

"Hey Morgan," Kevin called out quietly. He had just looked over to see Penelope sound asleep against Derek.

"What's up, man?" Derek asked as he looked away from the TV and to Kevin.

"I think it's best she went to bed and you headed off home," Kevin commented out and pointed to Penelope.

"Don't move," Penelope croaked as flexed a little and curled up a little more into Derek's side. "I'm perfectly fine here."

"Baby, your man's right," Derek said as he moved his head a little to look down at his baby girl as she slept against him. "You need to get some proper rest, and then we can."

Shaking her head a little, Penelope didn't respond much, "I just want to stay here a little while longer."

Derek looked to Kevin, "End of the film?" He asked Kevin who grunted some unimaginable word and looked back to the screen. Derek heard the man grunt again and he rolled his eyes – _what a child!_ With that in mind, Derek just got even more comfortable and kept his attention split between the television and Penelope, ignoring the man in her left side peripheral. Not giving into the man's sulking, Derek watch until the end of the film before making any sort of move.

"Kev," Derek said as the end credits of the movie rolled. He waited for Kevin to get rid of the annoyed look off of his face and look at him before he continued, "Go get her bed ready, I'll carry her through, but I think she needs a proper bed and we both need some rest."

Kevin tried to resist the huff building in him and got up and headed into her bedroom. He rolled the quilt down one side before going onto the other side. As he did so he looked up to see Derek talking to Penelope attentively as he picked her up and disrupted her sleep momentarily.

As he watched, he saw Penelope hold on weakly in her light sleep and Derek just carried her with ease. He cradled her protectively and looked after her when she wasn't even aware of it.

That view told Kevin who was Penelope's permanent carer.

And it definitely wasn't him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	6. How To Love

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I know you're all hating Kevin now, but seriously this is all going against him – you'll see exactly how ;) So enjoy! Thank you as always for the reviews, alerts and favourites!_

_Don't hate me for what's to come!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Hey Kev," Penelope said into the phone. Her voice quivering with chills as the night air grabbed her. "I'm done for the day. I was just ringing to find out where you were. I mean I guess you're on your way so I'll see you in a bit."

Penelope closed her phone and stood there and waited. And waited. And waited. She had to sit down as the new bout of chemo took over her system. She sat on one of the steps that led down to the hospital and put her head to one of the walls.

Feeling her phone go off she looked, excited that it might be Kevin to tell her he was near, but it was just a text. However, the moment she saw it was from Derek she melted into a smile.

_-Hey Baby Girl. How was it today? xx_

She smiled brighter, at least Derek didn't mind mingling the two worlds together it seemed, nor was ever able to forget about her. Even when a case was weighing heavy, he was there for her.

"So far so good. Better not speak too soon though eh? Just want my bed now xx"

-_Shouldn't you be home by now? Xx_

"Waiting on Kevin xx"

_-I'll ask again, shouldn't you be at home by now? I mean your last session ended nearly two hours ago xx_

"I guess he forgot... xx"

-_ You don't just fucking forget, Penelope! That man has one thing to do for you once a week and he leaves you out in the cold... Doesn't he think? Wait don't answer that, I already know! Xx_

"Derek, just leave it, I'm fine. He'll be here soon and I can get home and forget xx"

- _And forgive I bet_

"Okay, Mr-I'll-take-it-out-on-the-wrong-person, don't get like that. Not everyone is perfect like you!"

-_Baby, I'm sorry. That man just irritates me. Especially when it comes to you. You deserve so much better, believe me xx_

"I know-" Penelope looked over her shoulder as she heard a car pull up behind her. As she saw Kevin jump out of the driver's seat she stood up slowly, finding her energy levels completely zapped. She never sent the text as she locked her phone and walked towards Kevin.

"Penny! I am so sorry! I just lost track of the time," Kevin apologised, "You know how it is when we're working on a new, er, project."

"Can we just go home?" Penelope asked as she ignored his apologises and got into the car.

"I really am sorry," Kevin said, his tone doused in apology.

"All you ever seem to be is sorry. Sorry about how your life kicks in and takes over with this. How you can't bear to be in there with me. How you can't sit with me in the bathroom. Well guess what Kevin," she looked at him, "I'm sorry for ever bringing this into your world!"

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Kevin told, not at all convincing, but he was trying.

"Did you finish the project?" She asked him blandly, he shook his head with the negative. "Do you have to go back and finish it after dropping me home?"

"Well yeah, but that's no real ask. I don't mind, I enjoy it. I can leave it until tomorrow."

"Yeah because your manager is really going to be happy with that," Penelope grumbled miserably. "Maybe this is too much for you take on?" She asked him and looked at him. "I need to know I'm not going to be left out in the cold for nearly two hours and I want to know someone's going to come in there when no one else can and wait with me because I am terrified of being there alone."

"Penny, you know I can't. I- I would, but hospitals have too many memories for me. I don't want to make you more uncomfortable and plus, this way, I can keep the two separate without reminding you of this place."

"Let's just go home," Penelope murmured tearfully. She didn't have any other words and as of that moment, she no longer looked at Kevin as the man she wanted to love whole heartedly. Tonight had finalised that for her. She didn't want him to be around anymore, nor did she want to sleep in the same bed as him.

She didn't even tell him about the lipstick on the floor as her foot hit it, and she didn't ask about the smell of perfume in the car as she sat quietly waiting to get home. She asked nothing to him the entire journey, but to take her home.

He even said nothing as he walked her up to her apartment, and got her settled. He made her a drink and made sure everything was fine before telling her he had to leave again. "I will prove you wrong," Kevin told her as he walked back out of the door. "I am here for good."

Penelope watched the door before walking to her bedroom. Going into the bathroom, she turned the bath on and looked at her phone and sighed, she had ignored every call Derek had given her. Sitting on the toilet she dialled his number and realised how much of a mess today had been.

"Now you answer!" Derek said down the phone to her. "Has he picked you up? I swear one of these days I will shoo-"

"He just dropped me off," Penelope said down the phone tiredly. "He was at work. I can't be angry at him for that."

"Penelope," Derek started, "You needed him to be there to pick you up seeing as the ass can't even walk in the doors of that hospital with you and he let you down. You ask nothing of him, of anyone, but he still doesn't take it on himself to be the bigger help."

"He's working n some project I understand where he's coming from," Penelope excused Kevin's tardiness.

"What happens if he does it again?" Derek asked her.

"He won't," She said solemnly, "I didn't call to get heated over this. I," She paused as she rolled her eyes to stop the tears, "I just really needed to hear your voice."

"What's up, Baby Girl?" Derek said as he picked up on Penelope's tone of voice change. He heard her sniffle down the phone at him, but the rest was all silence. "Penelope, talk to me."

"It's about Fiona," Penelope manage to start, but felt her entire body beginning to shake.

"What about her?" Derek confirmed to her, "She had her check up today, right?"

"Right," Penelope answered back and the complete calm she had taken upon herself dispersed and she broke down.

"What is it Penelope?" Derek said as he sat up, he was preparing to head over to Penelope's by the end of this phone call. The case was just closed, but he was ready to make Penelope's his port of call after this.

"Fiona, she," Penelope bit down as a sob happened, "She died last night, Derek. She's gone."

Derek had to sit down as she said that. This made the matter with Penelope's life a lot more direr than he had ever let himself believe it ever be. All the while they had statistics and possibilities, he hadn't worried about the 'what ifs' of the situation, he hadn't paid any notice to them. Penelope would beat this, that was his only mantra and now it seemed that he couldn't hold such faith and hope.

"I-I," He tried to speak, but found the words difficult to form. He shook his head, he couldn't fall apart when Penelope needed him so much at that moment, "She was getting better."

Penelope sniffled a little and took deep breaths to calm down. "Her heart just gave out," Was all she told him. Then suddenly she sighed and mumbled, "God," before she spoke again. "You didn't need to hear this. I'm sorry, Handsome. I just thought you deserved a call back. I'm going to take a bath and just go to bed and forget about today."

He listened to her talk, her ramble jolting him out of his trance. "Is Kevin there?"

"No, it's just me," Penelope told him honestly.

"I'll be there when you get out of the bath," He vowed and put the phone down.

Penelope closed her phone and then realised that the bath was near enough overflowing.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Derek got to Penelope's, he found the apartment completely empty. He searched around the small space and then sighed as he saw the full bath, but no sign that Penelope had even gotten into it. He only knew one other place she could be if she wasn't in here, and she hadn't told him she was leaving.

Getting onto the roof top, he found Penelope with her coat wrapped around her, staring up at the stars as she laid on their makeshift bed they had made on one of the hot free days they had had last summer.

"Bit cold out here," He said as he went and laid with her. He smiled as she looked at him, "I mean, what's this whole new approach of yours to just be lying around?"

"It's peaceful here, and there's so many stars tonight," Penelope said and turned her gaze to look back up. "Do you ever think that when you die you become a star?" Penelope asked plainly, "I know that sounds cheesy, but there's a bright star up there that I can't help but think of Fiona every time it catches my eye."

"In a good eighty years you'll be one of the brightest stars," Derek repaid his agreement to her. "She was a survivor you know. I know she's gone, but she had fought this for nearly two years, and sometimes your body just can't carry on the stress. She was smiling every time we saw her in and out of chemo."

"I know," Penelope said as she moved towards him to seek some solace. "Just a reality check," Penelope admitted to him, "Another one for today."

"What does that mean?" Derek asked her as he moved so he could put his arm around her and cuddle her close to his side. "Something else happen?"

She decided to leave off the bit about Kevin and just admit the newest news she had, "My hair started to fall out just after I got off of the phone to you," Penelope told him as she turned her head to look up at him. There was no fear of rejection at this point, no fear of being ugly; she was still Penelope to Derek. She wasn't weak or ill, she was just Penelope, his baby girl.

"You scared?" Derek asked her back. He knew it could be perceived a stupid question, but Penelope's biggest fear was losing her hair.

"I don't think I am," She started, "I want to beat this now so I can grow it back."

Derek chuckled, "There she is," He said and pushed a kiss to her temple as he squeezed her to his chest, "My little fighter."

There was some thoughtful silence before Penelope spoke, "You might not believe this," Penelope began, "But I always thought you'd make a great husband for someone."

Derek laughed, "Really?"

Nodding she remained unmoved for a moment, "You're one of the most loving men possible. You're supportive and caring, and strong. You've kept me up when all I've wanted to do is cave. You've made me feel more than loved these last few weeks. You're everything a girl could dream of in a guy, Handsome. "

"You can't think that," Derek said disbelievingly to her.

"I can," She defied him strongly. "I guess that's why I fell in love with you," The moment she murmured that sentence she regretted it. She felt her heart beat fasten as Derek's grip on her arm hardened and she had to slip away from it. She rose to her feet and looked at him as he remained on the make shift bed they had hid away months ago. "I'm sorry," She told him as she sat up and stood completely stricken, "I didn't mean- Oh God." She turned her back on him and began to walk back in the direction of the stairwell. She didn't care if he was in the building and would just follow; she just needed to get away from him for a moment.

She hadn't even noticed she was crying until the tears hit her lips and she thought she would have felt liberated in telling him that secret, but it seemed she didn't.

What if she didn't make it to see this time tomorrow, or next week, or even next year? What if Derek was the last face she saw tonight? What if she never had a chance to love someone how she deserved to let herself? It was as her mind took over her clarity that she was spun around and before she could realise, Derek was kissing her with full force.

Pulling away, Derek cupped her face. He was through with waiting and pacing, with watching her with Kevin when he knew what she deserved. He was through with watching Kevin mess up a perfectly good, perfect thing. "I only ever loved you. That's why I never became anyone else's boyfriend, no one's potential husband. It's always been about you."

"You can't love me," Penelope told him, her honesty painful.

"Why the hell not?" He asked her, he watched her tears falling, could feel his heart galloping in his chest. He wasn't sure if this was what the cusp of heartbreak felt like or the beginning of liberation, but either way it hurt.

"Because I might not be around for you to love," Penelope admitted as the fear of death consumed her once more. Her tone was so fresh and raw with emotions that her fear was dancing on every thread.

Derek shook the idea of not having her around and put his hand to rest on her jaw line, making her look up at him. "I have always loved you, God I know I always will and nothing is ever going to change that, Baby. We're going to beat this. We're going to make it through this – _together_."

"I don't want this to be it," She fretted as she tried to look away from him, but found herself unable to do so. She couldn't move away from him, she wanted to remain there forever – caught in Derek's gaze. Caught in a place where everything seemed to be perfect and hopeful.

"We won't let it be," He told her soulfully. That was his promise – to keep her alive and help her soldier on because Penelope was a fighter and he would believe in that until his last dying breath.

"What about Kevin?" Penelope asked and her tone of voice told Derek what her subconscious had decided to do about Kevin already. She saw the end was now and she couldn't ignore it anymore or be scared of changing things right now.

Derek thought for a moment, "I have one thing to ask of you tonight, Baby. Just one thing," He told her as he kept their bodies close as they stood with one another in the bright moonlight.

"What's that?" She asked, her throat so thick with tears that it was getting harder to speak.

"Kiss me like you want to be loved, Penelope," Derek told her delicately, his tone low and husky, his hand running up her jaw line before pushing back into her hair. "Don't think of anything, none of the bad. Just think of right now. We're here, right now, alive. So show me how you want to be loved and who you want to be loved by."

Penelope felt the shock bubble within her. This was it, the moment of truth. If she caved and kissed Derek and she felt the emotions she had always dreamt about then that would pave way for her to finally accept the new truth about who she wanted, _and needed_, in life.

"If you don't want to then don't," Derek told her quickly then, thinking that Penelope's silence meant that she really loved Kevin. His hand loosened then. "I'd hate to jeopardise anything in your lif-"

Penelope didn't waste time; she put her hands to the side of his face and brought their lips together. She slowly started to kiss him before pausing a little, their lips barely touching and she bit her lip as though with trepidation before she kissed him heavier than she had already. She allowed every other emotion to disperse so she could put pure absolute love and passion into that one kiss.

She wanted to give Derek a kiss that would last for an eternity if it happened and she didn't.

As they pulled back, Derek smiled as he felt the new cornerstone of their life and he couldn't wait to embrace it.

"You're hair's not going anywhere just yet," Derek told her with a small smile. "Let's get you back downstairs, in that bath and then we'll curl up with a film and then go to bed."

"As long as I get to cuddle up to you," Penelope teased lightly. "I need the comfort after today."

"Baby, I don't think Kevin will like that," Derek countered negatively as he worried about the repercussions. As much as he wanted to be Penelope's support, he worried about Kevin's reaction.

"Would it make it easier if I said I thought Kevin was cheating?" Penelope responded and looked at her best friend. "I know when he's lying and so I know he's not got some programme. Plus it's hard to get the smell of another women's perfume out of your system when you feel like you're literally bathing in it."

"I'll kill him," Derek growled at her as he thought about it.

Penelope put her hand on Derek's chest to calm him. "No you won't. It'll all sort itself out," she told him as she took his hand and pulled him towards the door to go back downstairs. "I just want to sleep."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_Inspired by the song "Kiss Me" by Ed Sheeran_

_**A/N:** I know you liked Fiona, but there is major method to this madness!_


	7. Who's In, Who's Out

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_So yeah, I killed Fiona, but there is reason – or well to my muse there is! However, there is some contents in this chapter that might some people extremely happy... As for now, THANK YOU for the continual support and enjoy! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was the next day that shit hit the fan. Penelope had been laying on the couch when Kevin had gotten home to find Derek in the kitchen cleaning up after a meal. At first he thought his girlfriend was alone, that was until Derek welcomed Kevin with a friendly hello.

"Oh, you're here," Kevin said in response, "_Again_."

Sensing the hostility, Penelope thought passed her pounding head and looked to her 'boyfriend', "What's a matter?" Penelope asked as she slowly and gingerly got off of the couch. She was feeling exceptionally weak today, and when Derek had come by that morning he had done nothing, but kept her rested and looked after her.

"I saw you," Kevin started as he stood by the end of the couch. He knew Derek was in earshot, after all the apartment wasn't big so he knew his voice would be heard.

"Saw me?" Penelope asked confused and huffed a slight laugh, "I should hope so." She couldn't stop the sarcasm from filling her tone.

Kevin shook his head at that witty retort as Derek chuckled behind him. "I came home and you were asleep with Derek in your bed. How long have you been cheating on me?"

Penelope gawped at him, "I've _cheated_ on you? Are you for real?" She asked him, "He was worried about me that night you got caught up with your work two days ago and left me waiting outside. He came over to check on me. I needed some support and comfort-"

"All you ever need is support and comfort," Kevin retorted unimpressed. "It's the same thing."

"Well I'm sorry if I'm not keeping this as together as you think I am whilst I fight cancer, Kevin. I'm so sorry that I'm depending far too much on _you_ and taking up _your_ free time. I'm sorry for making this a part of _your_ life because God forbid I expect _my_ boyfriend to help out." Penelope ran her hands over her forehead, the headache intensifying, "You know what?" She said and stopped looking at Kevin, noticing Derek was now standing in the background, "I gave you a getaway. When I found out about the tumour, I told you I understood if you couldn't cope and you, _you_ promised me you wouldn't let me down. So don't you dare tell me that all I want is support and a bit of comfort when you vowed to be here."

Kevin looked at her broken expression, she was right. He had promised her that and he had let her down.

"The thing is," Penelope started again, her tone softer, "I have not felt so alone in all my life than I do when I sit in that hospital each week." She went towards him, all her energy coming together in the anger shown in her facial expression. "I don't get the choice to sit in a car outside waiting. I don't get a choice to walk out of the door and go to work when it gets really bad and I sure as hell don't get the choice to cheat around to forget!" Penelope told him, her tone not loud, but it was heated with anger. "Derek has been the rock I needed to see me through those sessions and when he hasn't been there, he has always made sure I am top priority. Now you, Kevin, you can't even man the fuck up and come in there because you don't like hospitals. Well reality check, you asshat! No one likes hospitals!" Penelope bellowed all of a sudden, shocked that she was now shouting and swearing at him – she usually left that up to Derek!

"You put yourself in one just before we met," Kevin snapped at her maliciously. "You might as well have reserved a place that night." Kevin knew it was mean and vindictive, but the strain of everything toppled him and it was impacting him dangerously. He was volatile and ready to explode now after the last few weeks of dealing with Penelope's illness and watching her get the right doses of comfort from her best friend and not him.

"Get out!" Penelope said as she shook with rage and pent up emotions. "This, whatever we've become is over."

"This isn't over," Kevin responded to her, his eyes becoming somewhat darkened.

"Oh it is," Penelope responded and looked

"It's always been about _you_!" Kevin said and pointed angrily at Derek. "Derek Morgan saves the day and steals the girl! Fucking typical!" Kevin began to ramble as he went towards the door.

"By the way, Kevin," Penelope called out as he went for the door, "When you're going to cheat, hide the evidence."

"Excuse me?" Kevin asked back, albeit too defensively.

"The other day, when you were late picking me up there was a lipstick in your car that I don't use, and the foulest smelling perfume," Penelope began, "And I know full well there's no work project, unless you're finally trying to discover where a woman's g-spot is."

"You bitch," Kevin said and went towards Penelope, but was stopped by Derek's body.

Kevin looked up at him, "You're gonna stick around, Morgan?" Kevin asked Derek nastily, "Believe me, I'd cut loose while you were ahead. This isn't a life; this is just boring and mundane, and believe me, even you'll go astray in a couple of weeks."

"I think you better leave," Derek said as he pushed Kevin towards the door.

"You'll be a carer and we all know that you're a real ladies' man, and you won't find action looking after Penelope," Kevin told him as he grabbed his laptop bag. "You won't get anything, but the feeling of entrapment! You'll be a prisoner of whatever this is. You won't last. You'll just hurt her."

"You made yourself that prisoner. I intend to make every day of this worthwhile and you can look back and realise that you're missing the best few months of your life," Derek vowed as he opened the door. "Now leave so I can look after _my _girl."

Kevin laughed at that, "You're not a one woman man, Morgan. You've even got the _more_ in your surname. You'll never be satisfied and when this gets worse, like it already is, then you'll be looking for the quickest exit out of hell."

"I think I'll deal with you later you little _dweeb_," Derek said as he pushed Kevin right into the hallway. "I'll let you know when to come by for your things so await my call," Derek told him with a one solid finger prod to the chest. Derek wasn't going to let this be it, he was going to shove Kevin's face into what he had lost and if push came to shove, his fist would meet Kevin's face like he was praying for already.

When Derek came back in, Penelope was barely keeping herself standing as she stood in the kitchen trying to stop herself from crying. Everything Kevin had said was hard hitting alone, but to be told that she was basically the reason he now hated life with her hurt all the more. To be told she was making him feel like a prisoner made her want to do this alone so that no one else felt that way.

This was like a life sentence to him, and she was now panicking that it was like that for everyone.

She didn't want prisoners.

"Pen," Derek said as he stepped out, trying to break the tension.

"Just go, Derek," she pushed him away, her walls building up. "This isn't your problem either."

Derek furrowed his brow at that piece of hostility, "You don't get to do this to me. He might have hurt you, but I do not choose to."

"How do you know that?" Penelope asked him, her expression completely lost. "How do I know that a couple of weeks down the line you won't decide this isn't the life style you want? Or when I'm told the chemo's not working and I need surgery or that I need to prolong chemo, how do I know you're going to be here? What about when this gets the better of me?"

"I am not Kevin Lynch, Baby. I'm Derek, the one that would never, ever let you go through anything alone. I love you too much to let you do this alone anymore. I should have never have left him to be the only person to look after you in the first place," Derek told her honestly as he hated on himself for ever letting Kevin have the option to hurt her.

"You're here now," Penelope told him meekly.

He took her and engulfed her with his arms, he hugged her tightly. "I always will be."

"I'm so scared," she admitted painfully into his chest. "I don't want you all to feel like this is some burden that I've placed on you. I don't want you to feel trapped in this life." She looked away, "By me," She finished meekly and emotional.

"Do you think I'd allow you to think that I was okay with this life if I felt like you were a burden on me?" Derek asked her as he brought her head up to look at him. "Do you honestly think I would make you believe that I am anything okay with this life if that wasn't the case?" He pressed and she shook her head, "Well then why can't you believe that I don't feel trapped in this life?"

"Because I'm trapped," Penelope admitted to him. "That makes you automatically trapped."

"Baby, this isn't forever," Derek told her honestly and heartfelt. "You're going to get better, and when you do, you can show Kevin what the hell he's missing out on," Derek told her with a calm tone and a bright smile.

"I can't believe that," Penelope told him honestly. "I can't say I will beat this because I don't have control over this. Everything else I can control. This-" She faltered as she said that. "I want to beat this so bad, Derek, you have to believe me, but it's not down to me."

"When it's down to us, we can beat anything," He told her and sealed the vow and the moment with a tender kiss.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope woke up to nausea hitting her hard. She sat up slowly in the darkness of the night and tried to gain some composure and strength to combat her urge to be sick. Swinging her legs off of the side of the bed, she sat and ran her hand around to the back of her neck and looked back at Derek. She was just happy he was still sound asleep for this. She went to smile, but could just make out another clump of her hair as it lay on her pillow. Reaching over, she grabbed the mass of blonde hair and went into the bathroom. Sitting down on the toilet, she just looked at it as it sat in her palm.

She had kept a tight lid on her emotions over this part of her treatment, but now, with the frequency gaining momentum, Penelope couldn't cope with the thought of waking up to yet more hair on a pillow. She knew she couldn't deal with brushing her hair again in the morning to more being left behind in the bristles of the brush and she knew full well she didn't want a repeat of Derek running his hand in her hair as he kissed her only to come away with it wrapping around his tapered fingers.

It was then that Penelope knew what she needed to do, or well what she wanted to do.

"Baby," Derek's voice drifted from the doorway sleepily.

When Penelope looked up, she caught him midst a yawn and a stretch as he tried to squint away the brightness of the light in his bathroom. She had to smirk; she loved this man at any time of day, in any state.

"It's barely four," He yawned again, "What's got you up?"

Penelope didn't reply, she just held her hand out and gave him a desperate look. "I think it's time, Handsome."

Immediately, Derek seemed to be awake. "You sure you're up for this?"

"I can't keep waiting up with hair on the pillow, it's bringing me down," Penelope admitted and looked at the hair in her hands. "I wanna shave it all off," She declared in a finalised tone.

"How about you sleep on?" Derek asked her quickly.

Penelope laughed, "Irony right there, Handsome," She quipped quickly. "I don't wanna wake up with more hair on the pillow, it hurts." She told him and looked him dead in the eyes, "Can we do it now before I chicken out?"

"Now?" Derek gawped not expecting her to be so forthright.

"You'll still love me right?" Penelope asked him as her heart thudded with concern and her mind went into overdrive.

Stepping in, Derek knew exactly what this was about now. It wasn't about her, it was about him and if he would find her attractive once she lost all of her hair. He took her free hand and pulled up, whilst his other hand took the hair she had already lost and he dropped it to the floor. "I'll always love you, Baby Girl. It's not all about looks. You'll be stunning to me hair or no hair. It doesn't matter to me because at the end of it, I'll still have you."

Turning to face the mirror, Penelope inspected her reflection, "Let's do this, Handsome."

Reaching around her as she inspected her image in the mirror, Derek opened one of the drawers and pulled out his electric shaver. Unravelling its wire, he kept his eyes on her the entire time. He knew she could tell this was the moment that everything changed for them. He remained silent as he plugged it into the socket in the wall and pressed the on button.

Penelope closed her eyes as the electric shaver buzzed to life and as she took it in her hand she knew this was it. Opening her eyes, she saw Derek standing just behind her giving her a bright smile as if to tell her she was strong enough to do this.

"It's gonna be okay, Baby," Derek promised her truthfully. "Once you do the first bit, there's no going back." He coerced her with honesty, "You'll feel so much better once you've done this. You can sleep without worrying you're going to wake up with a bit more gone."

With that truth hitting her, she quickly brought the shaver to her hairline and pushed up through immediately feeling her hair falling apart as it detached from her scalp. She paused and looked at him quickly, "These better be clean!"

"Penelope! What do you take me for?" Derek asked her as he tried not to laugh.

Shrugging, she looked to the shaver then at him, "I don't wanna be using the shaver you use on your intimate areas."

"They work their magic on my head," He paused as she grinned at him. "This head!" He said and pointed to his head making her laugh, "And I use the adaptor to either shave the beard off, or shape it, nothing dirty."

"Oh look at you, Mr Talented," Penelope teased and looked at herself in the mirror, instead of Derek, "I look ridiculous."

"That's because you've managed to take off one bit of hair, Gorgeous, maybe if you tried shaving a bit mor-" He never got a chance to finish it as she quickly took off a second bit and grinned at him. He watched as more and more of her blonde locks fell and soon he stepped in, helping her tenderly through the rest of this moment. He gently shaved her hair off where she couldn't reach and when he was done, he kissed her head, only feeling the warm of her skin and the bare bristles left after the neat shave.

"Still just as beautiful to me," Derek whispered to her as he stepped back and put the shaver down on the side. He only smiled as she smiled, only when he was sure she wasn't going to breakdown right before his eyes.

Penelope never expected to laugh during this process – this moment of hair loss! – but she was finding it all the more liberating as she went. She wasn't taking it as a bid of weakness, nor was she was taking it as a sign she was caving to her illness.

This was making her the fighter.

The only thing that would have changed that would be if Derek was to completely fail on keeping a straight face. If he made her feel ugly or weak as a result of this then she knew her fighting spirit would slowly defuse. However, Derek was cheering her on and he wasn't looking at her with disgust, he was aiding this moment and he was making it seemingly better for her and when he stepped in and helped her, he empowered her to make the most of this fight.

Scrunching her nose up at her reflection, Derek laughed and she looked at him confused. Turning to him, she couldn't stop the seductive look she felt overcome her, "We match now, Handsome. Both knuckle heads together," She teased him lovingly.

"I think it's better looking on you than me," He said as he inspected her new look. He knew it would be a change, but he was planning on keeping Penelope as upbeat as possible. "You're still absolutely gorgeous," He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

Penelope shook her head, "I wouldn't say the Voldemort look was attractive."

"Remember," He said as he took her hands in his, "This isn't forever."

Nodding, Penelope looked to him a little sadly, "I'm kinder glad by that." She then turn to look at herself in the mirror again, "This is a bit of a culture shock."

Being able to read how in disbelief she was at her own appearance, Derek stepped up to the mark again. "I brought you something," Derek said as he took her hand and led her out of his bathroom. He allowed her to sit down before going and grabbing a box. Handing it over to her, he smiled, "This is just something because I knew you'd feel self conscious when this day came."

Penelope looked at him and then at the box. Quickly taking the lid off, she moved the tissue away and found her hand hitting the soft cotton of purple blossom. She pulled it out in awe and opened it up to observe the detailing.

"I thought I'd get your scarf ready just in case," Derek told her sincerely and a little nervously. "Do you like?"

"Like?" Penelope asked as she moved the box from her lap. "I love it, Handsome. It's beautiful," She said in astonishment and then looked at him with watering eyes. Standing she went over to him and reached up to give him a kiss. With her arms wrapped around his neck, Penelope just gazed into Derek's eyes, "I would've sunk weeks ago had it not been for you." She smiled at him, "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too," Derek replied sincerely, and he knew with his entire being that he meant it.

Smirking, Penelope replied, "If you loved me you'd help me cover my bald head."

"C'mon then, Silly Girl," He said as he reached down for the soft scarf and folded it ready to wrap around her head. "You going to sleep in it?"

"Admittedly, I'm going to live it in," She told him as he carefully secured it in place. "Now can we go back to bed?" She asked as tiredness swept her system and her stomach finally settled down.

"Of course, Princess," Derek said as he took her hand, and moved the box to the floor for now. Taking her to her side of his bed, he tucked her in before running to turn the light off in the bathroom and as he got into bed and turned the light off, Penelope pulled him back down on the mattress and curled up against.

With the softness of the scarf against him, and the feel of Penelope's breath as his chest, Derek closed his eyes and pulled her tighter to his side.

Derek could get use to this life.

Little did she know was that Penelope already had.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	8. Time For Family

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Warning here guys, updates are going to become spacey because my Uni work has to take precedence... Only a fortnight and a bit left and I will be a graduate (well HOPEFULLY!) For now, enjoy and I'll hope to get updates out as regularly as possible!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Walking past Derek to go into the kitchen, Penelope made a quick swipe at Derek's plate as she went.

"Er, Baby," He said and turned to her, "That's bacon." He pointed out as she ate the bacon strip with a shrug. "Have you forgotten you're a vegetarian?" He asked her with a cocked brow. He had read, in one of the hundreds of books he had, that chemotherapy could illicit memory loss or forgetfulness, but this didn't seem quite so palpable.

"It smelt good," Penelope told him innocently. "It's the first thing I've fancied all morning."

"When was the last time you ate meat?" He asked her quizzically. He knew full well when it was, but he was trying to shock her into never eating it again, especially after she had told him meat held no desirable products for her anymore.

Looking at him, she grinned and swallowed the last piece of meat, "Just before my parents' death."

"Was it wise?" He asked her amused.

"I've eaten it now," She said as she tried to pull her scarf down properly.

Stepping in, Derek fixed the scarf and smirked at her, "Gonna come and sit down and eat some more breakfast?" Derek asked her as she came back with a glass of water and swallowed her pill.

Penelope nodded and downed the rest of the glass before going to sit next to him at the table. She sat down and looked at the feast he had made her and she couldn't help but smile again at how much thought he put into everything in her life.

"This looks delicious, but," She paused and looked at him, "I could eat some more of that bacon."

Derek chuckled at that, "We'll see if you feel the same tomorrow or you'll kicking yourself for eating one piece. I don't want you to regret it."

"Okay, okay," She began, "I'll eat the healthy fruit, but if you cook bacon again and it smells as good as it did this morning I expect some, deal?"

"We have us a deal, Baby Girl."

"You learn how to please a Penelope quickly you do," She told him with a wink.

Chuckling he watched her, "Right I'm just going to put some of this stuff away so we can take Clooney out for a walk before the team get here okay?" Derek asked as he stood up, he watched Penelope nod as she continued to literally inhale the fruit in front of her.

She smiled as she felt him kiss the top of her head as he went.

Penelope went from feeling okay, to feeling nauseous too quickly. She put her elbow to the table top so she could prop her head up, but when Derek came back in she knew she looked as ill as she felt. This feeling in her stomach was becoming too familiar and happened so often she had come to befriend it and know its routine.

"Couch, now," He instructed, breaking the two words up on purpose so that they punctuated appropriately. He watched her look up at him and she smiled warmly, "C'mon," He said as he stepped in and helped her up. "I'll wash up; you just rest before the others get here in a bit."

"All I ever do is leave you to wash up," She said as he slowly helped her, but her stomach was throwing summersaults and she could barely hold it together before she felt the vomit making appearance. Running for the downstairs bathroom, she just made it as her body convulsed with the sickness.

"Anything you need?" Derek questioned as he followed her into the bathroom.

"You don't need to stick around for this," Penelope pushed him back. It was the same story every time. As her stomach rolled, she leaned over to toilet again. "I mean this doesn't get any better just yet."

"Do you want to be left?" Derek asked as he rubbed her back soothingly.

Penelope shook her head, "I don't know, no, yes," She said and then felt herself heave again. "Yes, go." Penelope tried to breathe through this. "Go do the dishes, this will pass."

Derek hated the helplessness that this process inflicted, but he knew had to ride the waves and cruise the currents just like Penelope had to and so he knew he had to just go with this and obey Penelope's needs. Walking out of the room, he pulled the door too and headed for kitchen. He knew he would be going back once the kitchen was tidy and then he wasn't going to leave her if she wasn't better.

Flushing the loo, Penelope slide down the wall completely exhausted and closed her eyes as the pathetic feeling doused her. She remained silent, even when she became aware of Derek being back in the bathroom.

"You steady enough to leave here now?" Derek asked her cautiously. He knew that these bouts of sickness were long, but the moment Penelope was able to sit back away from the toilet meant her stomach had settled enough.

Looking up to him, she shrugged, "I need a drink that's all," She said as she picked herself up off of the floor and went for the sink. Putting the cold tap on, Penelope drank some of the water before she doused her face with the cold water.

Derek could see that this slight exertion had tired her out completely.

Taking her hand softly, Derek led her from the bathroom and settled her down on the couch. He had her barely laying down and snuggled under the fluffy throw she loved so much before Clooney ran into the room and jumped on the couch.

"Leave him," Penelope told him with a smile as she closed her eyes and found Clooney's presence to be soothing and therapeutic.

"You sure?" He asked her doubtfully. "It sure doesn't look comfortable."

"It's like having a part of you here," Penelope told him as she gazed up at him. "He's walk can wait."

Stroking his dog, Derek watched him look up at him, "You look after our baby girl," He warned him and the dog instantly laid his head back down. Derek leaned in and kissed Penelope, "I'll wake you up when the others get here."

"Sounds good," Penelope told him sleepily and snuggled down deeper into the blanket.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Walking in, Hotch and Rossi saw Penelope asleep on the couch with Clooney and both were shocked to see her with no hair. It was only two days ago, when she had first moved into Derek's house that they had seen her looking well and almost spritely.

Stepping back as Derek made them drinks, Rossi looked in on the sleeping duo. "When did that happen?" Rossi asked as he looked back in Penelope's direction from the kitchen doorway.

"About eight hours ago," Derek quipped and smiled. "I found her in the bathroom at like four and she told me she wanted to shave it off, so we did."

"Just like that?" Hotch asked as he went to get a look.

"Just like that," Derek nodded and smirked. "It actually wasn't a bad experience." He chuckled as both men looked at him weirdly, "It was a bit of a laugh and she felt better for it."

"Is that why she's completely wiped out on the couch?" Rossi asked as he, Hotch and Derek got settled around the kitchen for the moment.

"Partially," Derek started. "Chemo and I think the stress of Kevin's finally showing its work," Derek pointed out as he passed them both a cup of coffee. "Too much stress and not enough time to relax I'm guessing."

"Stress certainly isn't any good for her right now," Hotch fretted disappointingly. "Do I dare ask if he's done anything else?" Hotch queried about Kevin.

"Apart from cheat?" Derek asked them, "He keeps ringing her cell incessantly, and he wouldn't leave her front steps which is why we're here now. It was the right move; her steps were exhausting for her anyway. It's not fair her getting worn out before she's even home."

"Your place is better located as well," Hotch pointed out. "For work and for getting her out more."

"We've started to take Clooney out for walks together, but I'm really thinking about getting her a puppy or a kitten," Derek commented and saw the look both the older men were issuing him. "I read in quite a few of the books I bought that a pet is a good so I want her to have her own."

"What about Clooney?" Rossi asked, "Surely that would class?"

"It can do," Derek started, "But I just thought it would be a welcomed surprise and she might find herself more occupied with a new pet. It'll be something to take her mind off everything sort of thing."

Nodding in agreement, Rossi thought about the idea for a moment, "Could well work, but you got to think of how Clooney will feel as a result of a new pet being around."

When Clooney darted passed the men, they didn't need words to tell them that Penelope was up. Putting his cup down, Derek headed into the living room and found Penelope sitting up rubbing her eyes tiresomely under the glasses, all whilst stifling yawn.

"You're up," Derek pointed out the obvious.

"Do I have bed hair?" Penelope asked with a teasing grin as she looked at him sleepily. "I wanna look my best for the boss men."

"Oh so you know we're here then," Rossi said as he stepped into the room behind Derek.

Penelope smirked, "It's my Penelope senses, Charlie Brown." She quipped and moved towards the edge of the couch. As she looked to them watching her she had to laugh a little, "I'm guessing my new look isn't what you expected?"

"Well no, Penelope," Hotch started as he stepped towards her, helping her stand a little easier. "It's a definite change."

"But nice scarf, Kitten," Rossi commented in agreement.

"Thanks, my favourite man bought it for me for when I did a Britney and shaved my head," Penelope quipped and went into the kitchen.

Both Hotch and Rossi went to go into the kitchen to take over, but Derek stopped them. "Leave her," He quipped with a smirk. "Miss. Independent hasn't gone anywhere just yet. Until she's rendered completely useless she powers on."

"As if you'd expect anything else," Penelope asked as she came back in. "I think I might need some pills soon though, Handsome, my back's hurting again. Can you remember where I put them?"

"Bedside table," He told her as his worried manifested in his stomach. "Go sit in the dining room with Hotch and Rossi, Baby. I'll get them." He pushed her, "The others should be in shortly and we can sort food out."

"Sounds good," Penelope said and headed towards the dining room as Derek headed upstairs.

As he came down the stairs, he took a mental note that Penelope would need some a refill soon, but he could see JJ and Emily walking towards the door and when the doorbell went repetitively, Derek wasn't a quick to answer it. Knowing that Penelope was awake meant that he didn't need to worry about her being woken up. Opening it, he already knew what this meant now and he just hoped Penelope would be up for it.

"We have dinner!" JJ and Emily showed the bags and flooded the house, dragging in Reid behind them.

Walking in, JJ looked around for Penelope, and then looked over her shoulder at Derek as she walked towards the kitchen, "Where is my- _bald!_" JJ gawped as Penelope stood before them with a bright smile.

"Wow, Jayje, you just proved brilliantly why you turned into a profiler," Penelope quipped sarcastically. "I am indeed bald, but it was rather that than shed hair like Clooney and that isn't my style."

"No, surprising the hair, I mean hell out of us is, PG!" Emily said and blushed at the mess up of words in her sentence. "When?"

"Early hours of this morning," Penelope commented and she looked at the bags in their hands, "Did you get dinner already?"

"Surprise," Emily and JJ commented in unison. "It's all your favourites."

Penelope bit her lip, "You did make them aware of my appetite or lack thereof right, Hot Stuff?" Penelope asked Derek as he stood next to Reid.

"I did, Baby, now go sit that fine ass down and let us bring in the food," He told her and winked at her. "You eat however much you want to."

As she settled, the influx of her friends came in, JJ and Derek quickly nicking the seats next to her as everyone else sat around in Derek's dining room ready to eat before they all had a movie night extravaganza. Sitting around, Penelope was happy to have her family around, ones that didn't bring her illness into it, or give her sympathetic looks or mollycoddle her. They were the same as always, joking, teasing, chatting. Nothing had changed at all between them.

"I wanna see it," JJ commented as they all settled into sharing around the food.

"You wanna see it?" Penelope retorted at JJ. She knew it was the first time someone had said that, but she knew it was never going to get easier.

"I wanna see it," JJ parroted and Penelope didn't reply that time, she just reached up and took the scarf off.

She watched them look at her with curiosity and she had to laugh, "You can touch it. I mean it's not smooth or anything like my main man's there, but it's still pretty hairless compared to what it was." She felt Reid, Emily and JJ feel, Hotch and Rossi remaining seated and respectful not to invade.

Emily's hand ran over the partial smoothness of Penelope's head, still feeling the minor stumble still there, "So you just shaved it off?"

"Yup, just as easy as that," Penelope told them with a smile as they all settled, thankful for having to tie the scarf back up and help her avoid eating.

"You can get wigs made out of your hair," Reid pointed out halfway through the meal. He looked up as everyone stopped eating, "Hair extensions are made entirely from real hair. The same process is used, but to make a wig so you still have _your_ hair. It's a desirable route that women take during their cancer treatment."

"It is always an option," JJ commented as she looked to Penelope who was picking at her food not taking any notice of the conversation at hand at all. "Pen?" She said and slipped her hand onto Penelope's to break her from her obvious trance. As her friend looked up she smiled, "You okay there?"

"Yeah, sorry," Penelope replied apologetically. "I drifted off a little there."

"Maybe you should eat a little more," JJ pointed to her uneaten plate of food. "Just so no one worries."

All conversation stopped as the doorbell went and everyone looked to Derek to see if he was expectant of any guests – which he clearly wasn't by the expression on his face! Immediately, Hotch, Rossi and Derek exchanged glances just in case it was Kevin finally at Derek's door to reap a little commotion and havoc.

"I'll get it," Penelope chirped as she found it a get out clause from eating.

Derek halted her, "I've got it," He told her with a smile, "And if you don't want to eat it, no one's going to force you to, Baby Girl."

Leaving her with a kiss, he headed out of the dining room and hurried as the doorbell went again. As soon as the door was opened he was met with a loud welcoming, "Surprise!", that made him stumble backwards.

Derek just didn't expect to his mom to be standing there – especially when he had kept Penelope's illness and their newfound relationship a secret from her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	9. What's Going On

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Another update, and I'm not really feeling this, but it's the best I've been able to do between my dissertation kicking my arse, and me kicking its... So enjoy, and thank you as always!_

_I feel vain saying TISSUES NEEDED, but I get told off if I don't at least alert you ;) So, have a tissue ready just in case okay?_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It wasn't long before everyone left Derek, Penelope and Derek's mom to talk things through. Especially when it became clear that Fran Morgan knew nothing about what Penelope's new state of health was. The team knew to just bolt.

Fran watched as Penelope slowly lowered herself down to the couch and she had never seen this woman quite so weak in all the time she had known her. As she watched her, she surveyed her new appearance she was amazed at how ill and radiant she looked all at once. She still had that same magic about, the Penelope pizzazz, but she was so pale and gaunt looking it was scary.

She waited until Penelope was seemingly comfortable before she began to drill the pair of them.

"Either one of you two want to share what the hell's been going on?" Fran asked and looked to Penelope quizzically, obviously expecting her to share the details that her son had failed to.

"I have a tumour that is basically lining the bottom part of my spine at the moment," Penelope admitted softly and looked up into Fran's eyes. "The doctor's are hopeful that with long-term chemo alone the tumour will clear up, but if not, they're waiting on it to be small enough to depart away from my spinal cord so that they can do surgery."

"Surgery?" Fran gasped in response.

Penelope nodded and gulped a little, "I know it's scary, but until my check up then this is what I have to live with."

"Weekly chemo, and life resumes between," Derek commented and then looked to his mom apologetically, "I wanted to come to Chicago, but Pen was having issues with her boyfriend and I just wasn't comfortable leaving her here alone to contend with him."

"And where is Kevin today?" Fran asked having heard all about Penelope's boyfriend problems on the few visits Fran had had to Quantico.

Penelope smiled at her for that, "Kevin is no longer a concern of mine."

"Finally! I told you long ago you needed to get shot of that waste of space," Fran responded enthusiastically and laughed as Derek and Penelope did. "I want to know if he actually helped out."

"In easy terms – no, but we'll save that story for another day," Penelope laughed nervously as she thought to Kevin's deceit. "Tomorrow you can steal my man here and give him something to do instead of sitting in a hospital room with me."

"Pen," Derek stopped her, "It's your first chemo since Fiona. I am not leaving you for that."

"I'll be fine," Penelope retorted sincerely.

Shaking his head, Derek was not taking no for an answer. "You don't get a say in this anymore, Baby, because I refuse to allow you to go anywhere near that place alone if I can avoid it. I'm sure my mom won't mind, but you know the deal."

"Derek is going to be there end of story," Fran told her. "The only thing that changes is that I'm going to be around for a couple of days to help out."

"Mother has spoken," Derek quietened Penelope and laughed at her soft pout.

Fran sat for a moment, watching the pair and she could tell there was a difference in them, a change to the dynamics of their relationship, but she wanted to know all the details and facts, "Were there any other options?"

"I was given two," Penelope responded with a quick head nod.

"Two?" Fran pressed questioningly.

"Well it was chemo straight away or the other option would leave me breathless," Penelope teased and saw Fran look at her horrified at her dress up of the word death. "Fran, this hasn't changed me so please lighten up. I know it's a lot to digest, but Derek had shown me that I am not alone in this and that I'm fighter."

The only way Penelope could get away from the look on Fran's face – the one that she knew would haunt her forever – was to move next to her and wrap her arms around the one woman that had given her motherly solace when she needed it.

Right now, for once, Fran needed some form of solace.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Fran," Penelope spoke as she edged into the kitchen. Having made Derek take Clooney out for his belated walk, Penelope needed to talk to Fran alone. Watching the older woman look up, she smiled the best she could to disperse the mood in the air. When she saw the tears marring Fran's face, Penelope's heart clenched a little, "I'm sorry Derek didn't tell you. I assumed he would have."

"Nothing for you to be sorry about, Penelope," Fran told her as she wiped her face with her sleeves. "I'll be having words with my son soon."

"Don't blame him," Penelope repaid the comment as she came to lean against the kitchen counter opposite Fran. "He has been absolutely amazing. I wouldn't be as on top of this as I am without him so please don't make him feel bad for not telling you when it's me you should be angry with."

"You?" Fran gasped, "Why you, Penelope? You didn't ask for this."

"I know," Penelope conceited, "But when I found out he cancelled a trip to Chicago so that he could be with me for one of my sessions, I told him he was wrong to do so, I was so angry. I didn't know he cancelled and it made me so angry to know that he gave up time with you guys."

"You're a priority to him though," Fran comforted Penelope warmly. She had always known where Penelope stood in Derek's life, and right now, with this part of life taking over it proved exactly how high in his regards Derek held Penelope.

"I'm just Penelope," Penelope replied bravely with a shrug.

Fran smiled to Penelope, "You're his everything, Penelope. Never just Penelope."

As she stood there, Penelope broke down into a flood of tears and felt Fran consequently step in to wrap her arms around her in a motherly hug. It was this type of attention and comfort that Penelope had been craving – her mother, a mother.

She knew exactly what she was to Derek and she knew full well she wasn't just Penelope to him.

"I'm not leaving you," Fran immediately said as they pulled apart once she was sure Penelope was calm enough. "The girls will cope without me for a bit, but I'm needed here."

"Fran," Penelope stopped her as her eyes welled up again, "You can't stop your life for me. I don't want anyone to do that. I don't expect it."

"I know you don't, but it's a mother's prerogative," Fran told her back in response, she reached up and wiped Penelope's cheeks clear of its tears. "I can right now guess that you wish you had your mom here, Penelope. I can see it right in your eyes that you wished she was here to hold you through the night and care for you in a different way from Derek. You don't have to hide it from me."

With that Penelope looked up at her with wide, watery eyes, the fear that she had kept deep down finally becoming apparently around her _mother_, all of her facades were over around Fran.

"I can only offer you me," Fran told her gently and soothingly, "But I promise you now, you have me until we beat this."

Penelope didn't dare argue back to that.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Trying to get comfortable the next day at chemo was proving futile for Penelope. She was first in out of their clan and Derek was just grabbing a drink. She was agitated by today's session, fear building from her toes up in the wake of Fiona's death. The drug that was saving her life could potentially kill her before any life saving progress could be made.

"Baby Girl, don't look so pensive," Derek's voice came from beside her as he approached with a bottle of water for her. He gave her a reassuring smile, "You've done this before."

"Not without her I haven't," Penelope admitted softly. "When I didn't have you here, I always had her. _Guaranteed_."

Derek frowned at that comment, especially because he knew it was all truth. He always knew that without him around Penelope would make it through the sessions purely and simply because of Fiona and now the other pillar of support that was a constant from day one was ripped away from her, never to return.

"How do I do this without her?" Penelope asked him, her tone meek and sad. She knew she had Derek, the team, Fran, even the others in the room, but Fiona was the other formidable force that propped her up when Derek was playing Superman.

Derek brought her hand up to kiss it, "You do it for her that's how, Baby." He told her and looked at her seriously, refusing to lose eye contact with her for a moment, "She wanted you to fight and just because she had no control over her death, doesn't mean the same thing is going to happen to you too, Princess. Sometime's bodies just aren't equipped for the strain of this and sometimes they are. She believed in you, so believe that you can do this."

"I'm just getting in over my head," Penelope admitted and wiped her face of the few tears that had fallen.

Smiling, he ran his thumb over her hand gently, "You aren't the first and you won't be the last."

"_God_, what would I do without you?" Penelope asked as she smiled and exhaled with relief as another weight left her shoulders.

"God?" Derek asked as he played hurt and mocked her, "I thought I was the one here with you?"

Penelope hit him playfully and laughed, "You're such a drama queen when you want to be, you know that right, Handsome?" Penelope retorted amused as again Derek had listened, responded and then blew her cares away.

"Gotta challenge the drama queen some days," Derek responded with a smirk and watched her laugh again.

"So bald!" Jessica's voice carried through the air announcing her arrival. "You finally came over to the dark side, Penelope!"

Penelope and Derek laughed even more, and Penelope realised that just because Fiona wasn't around anymore, it didn't mean that their support disbanded with it.

"It started to fall out, so I showed it who was boss," Penelope replied with a bright smile.

Jessica inspected the new appearance to the friend, "This wasn't in one of your texts to me!"

"It's been a busy couple of days," Penelope admonished quickly. Between shaving her head, spending time with Derek and then the team and to top it all, Fran's appearance she felt like she had barely stop to breathe.

As Jessica got settled, she inspected the couple, "Nor has the change in your relationship. _Spill_," She prompted heavily.

"I love him," Penelope said and cast her look at Derek, who consequently kissed her, "With all my heart."

"That's all Fiona wanted," Came a new voice and everyone looked to see Jacob standing on the outskirts of the seats. He gave them a smile – a sad, heartbroken smile – and pushed on passed their shocked expressions, "I just wanted to come by and ask if you would come to the funeral. It's on Monday." He couldn't stop the tears from breaking their barrier now, but he pushed through best he could. "I understand if none of you want to come. I really, really will understand."

"I'll be there," Penelope spoke up and gave him a warm smile. She knew she wouldn't sleep knowing she had missed another chance at a proper goodbye.

"We all will," Jessica added and nodded just to add her own confirmation.

Jake nodded in a move to rid the tears, but he was weakening, "I'm sorry, I've got to go. I'll make sure I get the details of the church to you." He said and just fled the room like a truly broken man.

Derek followed him as soon as he left. Without a word or a nudge from Penelope, he just left. He needed to talk to Jake and see how he was coping – if he was coping that was – and he needed to see if there was anything he could do for the man that had lost the love of his life.

"Is there anything you want me to do?" Derek asked, facing the grieving man.

"One thing," Jake started and wiped his face clear of the tears. "There's just one thing, Derek."

"Name it," Derek responded instantaneously. He knew exactly what he'd ask of a friend if the roles were swapped.

Taking a deep breath, Jake looked at Derek intensely, "You spend every day loving her, because it can be taken from you just like that, Derek," Jake told Derek sincerely. "If you love her, never let her go a day without knowing and when it gets really, really bad, you never let her feel alone. You suck up the bad and make it into something amazing."

That wasn't it! – _a distraction maybe, a support_, but to be told with force to just love the one woman you always had regardless of what lie ahead was a totally different ball game.

Pulling Jake outside, Derek sat down on a bench nearby and looked at him, "I promise you now there is nothing else I would rather be doing than loving her and I will do that forever."

"You say that," Jake started to tell him, "But when she becomes distant or when this turns repetitive you'll find that you will just back away, but don't do that and don't let her shut you down. Believe me, that is the worst thing you can do."

Pondering for a moment, Derek broke the silence, "Did something happen?" Derek asked quizzically. He knew something had, he could see it written all over the other man's face, but he didn't want to assume and make this worse.

"I loved her," Jake admitted and stared ahead, "But we argued and when I woke up the next day she was gone. I don't know if I apologised before or after, but I regret it more every day. I loved her so much, I always will, but she became insecure about us starting a family after all of this and she worried about me sticking by her." Jake looked at Derek then. "Penelope will doubt you, especially when it seems that all you do is look after her. Whatever you do, don't let her mope around or think nothing is doable, you give her something every day and if you're going to, leave arguing for after all of this."

"I can do that," Derek admonished quickly and confidently.

Jake took a deep breath, "I've got to go, Derek. Just take everything that's happened into account and love her."

Derek watched Jake walk off a completely soul shattered man who had lost everything and who thought it was all done so on a bad note. It was another enforcer that Derek never wanted a bad day to come between him and Penelope, but he knew they were going to be up against a fight of them and good days.

As soon as Jake had disappeared, Derek collected his thoughts slowly and headed back into the hospital.

Looking in before entering, Derek saw Penelope curled up in her seat, her arm with the IV in out stretched as she lay on her head on it, laughing tiredly with Jessica and now Katy. He loved every aspect to Penelope – _ironically, in sickness and health_. He hated how tired she seemed to past few days, but he accepted and so he smiled blissfully before proceeding by going back into the room.

Penelope looked up, coming up from her curled up position on the chair, "You okay?" She asked him immediately, noticing his darkened exterior.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Derek deflected as he sat back down. "I'm just worried for Jake that's all."

"We all are," Penelope fretted and slipped her hand into Derek's. She didn't want to make Derek one of those 'widowed' statistics.

"Pen?" Derek questioned as silence filtered through the air around them. Watching her look up at him, he realised that his heart still skipped a beat at the thought of her alone. "I love you, you know that right?"

Penelope's entire face lit up at the sound of that, "I love you too, Derek."

"Good," He said and leaned in to kiss her, "Just thought you should know."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

As Penelope listened to the service, she couldn't take her eyes off of the glistening white coffin as it sat ready to be lowered into the ground. She looked nowhere else but at the wooden box and slowly, breath by breath, she realised that her friend, her first companion she had made in this horrid nightmare was in that confined space never to grace her again with a smile or a joke, never going to make the sessions bearable.

It was as the cognitive thought implemented itself into her mind, her chest constricted and her tears fastened their haste to flee her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Penelope mumbled to Derek and fled the crowd. She was having trouble catching her breath and she felt panicked and stricken standing watching this happen.

Derek looked to Jake and could see him watching Penelope and then their eyes met and Derek took off from his spot in the crowd. Jake's words striking him hard and heavy. He had to be there for Penelope and he refused to ever think she had to do it alone and right now, she needed him. Following her, he called out, but she didn't reply or even react and so he picked up his pace and broke into a jock to catch up with her.

The tightness in her chest only got worse the most she found herself getting lost amongst the graves. Death was surrounding her, and Fiona's death was tearing her limb for limb as though a warning message that she was next in death's grand scheme of life.

The moment he could, Derek took her hand and stopped her from moving further away from the funeral procession. He could see how much more distraught she looked and how fearful her eyes seemed to be looking.

"I thought I'd be okay being here," Penelope started immediately, "But what is going on up there is making this all too real for me to deal with." Penelope sucked in a tight, shaky breath, "She's dead and she had cancer. That could be me, and I don't want to be like that before I got anything that I really want in life. I just don't get the say in that anymore because this stupid disease is taking it away from me. I did nothing to anyone and this is what I get," Penelope almost shouted as her anger become clear. "I don't hurt anyone, or anything. I'm always there for everyone. I try my hardest to be an amazing TA, an amazing girlfriend, an amazing fairy Godmother and this is the thanks I get?" She asked him rhetorically, "I get a tumour and months of chemo that is slowly sucking the life out of me!"

Derek remained silent as he let her vent.

"I don't want to be like some of the people in that room, Derek. The one's that look like ghosts and zombies, that don't have the energy. I don't want to be dependable on everyone because that's not me. I don't want to be shadow of myself."

"I'm never going to let that happen, Penelope," Derek told her and fortified for himself his goals in his life. "I am never going to make you think you are weak or dependable on anyone, because I don't want to see you like. You're still you, under all of this, you are you and I refuse to watch that fail. I won't ever let you lose yourself, Baby Girl."

"I'm scared," Penelope told him as he held her in front of him. "I'm scared of what's to come, of dying, of being like Fiona. I'm scared that I'll lose you, or anyone and I'm scared to miss out."

"You're not going to miss out," Derek vowed back to her powerfully.

"I don't want to ever miss out on the chance of life with you, Derek," Penelope admitted weakly and yet ironically powerful all at once.

Derek wiped her fears away with one smile, and then kissed her before telling her the one thing that had become his mantra in all this time, "We're going to survive this," He repeated it at her, like it was their catchphrase, "And when we do, we're going to celebrate and then I am going to show you what the rest of your life is going to be like." He then put his hand to the side of her face, "Now you need to go say goodbye to your friend before you regret it."

Taking the leap of faith, Penelope allowed Derek to take her back to the mourning crowd.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	10. Ways To Get You Going

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N: **_Okay, so I left this longer than I expected, but blame life and the fact I'm verging on suffering from the flu so updates are really failing right now! However, when they happen, I hope you enjoy =) Thank you as always!_

_The rating's going to M here... Little fun in comparison to the earlier chapters )_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was a couple of days later that everything changed. Penelope's symptoms had been somewhat spaced out and friendly since her last session, but now they seemed to be hitting her hard. Derek just hated that the most common she had was the nausea and vomiting. Especially because with them combined, she found her appetite to be whittling away to nothing.

"I think we need to bust out the big guns, Baby," Derek told her after watching her chills slowly begin to decrease, but the pain she was in was nowhere near on the verge of ending. She had not been able to leave the bathroom for long as nausea threatened her and her ability to eat was becoming pretty much nonexistent so seeing her curled up on the couch was a welcomed relief that maybe the day was getting better.

"Just give me my pills and I'll be fine in a bit," Penelope batted the idea away as her stomach rolled over and she closed her eyes hoping it was going to pass.

"And when that doesn't work?" Derek asked her, his tone a little heated. "I just think you need to give it a try so you can actually eat something. You'll feel ten times better."

Looking at him, she could see he was trying, but she didn't want to be bothered with anything today. "Maybe tomorrow," She started, "I don't think food will sit well with my stomach right now even if I managed to eat a thing, Handsome."

"We'll try once you've had a sleep okay?" He told her back, "I will get you eating before the end of today."

"Good luck, Sugar Shack," Penelope told him and yawned heavily as she pulled the blanket so it was right under her chin. "Why don't you join me for a nap, I want my favourite teddy."

Grinning, Derek leaned down and kissed her tenderly, "I've got things to do, so you nap for the both of us, Princess."

"Mmm, sounds like pretty amazing plan to me," She murmured to him, her eyes remaining closed the entire time.

Derek went into the kitchen and opened a cupboard once Penelope was settled. Reaching up he pulled out all the ingredients he had collected to make the infamous Morgan Brownies that he grown up on as a kid, and then set to work, carefully watching over Penelope every chance her had.

He could just sit around and watch the weight just drop off of her, and with the lack of food it was just making the weight loss more dramatic, but he refused. Between skipping meals and eating a few mouthfuls, she wasn't getting any of the goodness that food could offer her.

Derek didn't need to think twice about this plan working for him.

_If she won't have it on its own, time to be sly_, he thought to himself with glee. He had read up online about how cancer patients are eligible to medicinal marijuana and how most refused it and missed out on its relaxing qualities. After speaking to her oncologist behind her back, Derek had angered Penelope initially, but he had to take control as and when, when it came to helping her with their battle. He had listened to Penelope refuse drugs – _well these drugs _– claiming she was scared of an addiction, but what she failed to realise was that she wasn't going to be using it constantly, just when the nausea prevented her eating, or the vomiting took a hold. Not only that, but he had read that in some cases it relaxed the body and acted as pain relief for the pains that came with chemo.

At that moment in time Derek would take anything if it worked!

As he sprinkled in the first amount, he watched it disappear within the brown goo of uncooked brownie mix and double checked how much would be a sufficient amount in a normal brownie mix. Reading the bottom line, he smirked as he added more to the batch – _This is only a recommendation, why not have some fun and add a little extra? Everybody likes a little buzz when they trip._

Pouring the mix out, Derek made sure the oven was hot enough before putting the tray in and going back to waste time watching TV and Penelope. Even though he didn't want to wait, he was just satisfied that he had managed to combine the perfect Morgan recipe with the perfect medical remedy that would aid Penelope.

However, the response he got only an hour later wasn't making him feel as confident as he had.

"I'm not eating it," Penelope feigned as she pushed the plate away. "I don't want to throw up something I love. That's just like offering me cupcakes."

Derek sat on the edge of the coffee table by the couch, "I promise you, you won't throw up."

"How can you promise that?" Penelope bit back sarcastically.

"Just entertain me," Derek persisted. "C'mon," Derek pushed as he brought the warm brownie closer to her. "It's one of your favourites," He told her and he knew he caught her there. "Bit of sugar might make you feel better."

Penelope scrunched her face up in disapproval.

"Just one bite, then you can tell Mamma Morgan on me," Derek teased her and shot her his best puppy dog look. "Just take one bite, Pen and I'll shut up."

Pushing herself up, Penelope grabbed one brownie and looked at it. Inhaling as she braved to feed herself and as she went to, she stopped. "Eat one with me, and stop staring," She told him as her hand dropped a bit.

"I made them for you," Derek deflected her request lightly. "I've eaten, you haven't."

"You always have room for extras," Penelope retorted back to him and then put the brownie to his lips. "Eat and show me how it's done, Hot Stuff."

Derek tried to keep his exterior cool at this moment – he wasn't supposed to get high with her! Yet as he watched her face and smelt the brownie he conceded and ate the brownie from her hand. As the taste hit his taste buds he took the rest of the brownie and ate it. "Now you," He told her with a mouthful and was pleased when she relented easily and nibbled the corner away.

The moment Penelope swallowed the brownie she was pleased when her stomach seemed to remain placid and showed no signs of disapproval and she felt even better when she went for a second bite and a third. She never thought one piece of cake would make her want to eat, but it tasted too good to just put back on the plate.

"I see I've found something that's caught my baby's tastes," Derek said as Penelope near enough inhaled the remaining brownie in her hand. "It's good to see you eat something like you're actually enjoying it."

"It's too good," She groaned with tired pleasure. "This is something to be proud of."

Derek smiled as he watched his accomplishment and even when Penelope picked up another brownie and shoved it in his face, Derek didn't refuse. He'd had one, and if Penelope was going to be getting buzz, why leave her to be the only one? After all, he had done drug laced brownies before back in his college days, but doing them with Penelope he knew the outcome was going to be the best he had ever had.

As he came to sit next to her, her second brownie nearly demolished, she looked at him, "You put that marijuana in this didn't you?" Penelope asked him tonelessly, "That's why you hesitated to eat one."

Trying to think of a failing excuse as to why he could have hesitated, Derek caved, "Yeah, but I thought it'd be easier to join you rather than fight it and get your suspicions up more," Derek replied with a small self righteous smirk. "Plus they were good brownies."

"Maybe, but I have to say this," Penelope paused with a head shake, "I can already see that drugging me without me being aware was the best things you just did."

Derek smiled brightly at her then, "Well then, I think we should toast that with another."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It wasn't even two hours later when the entire coffee table was smothered in takeaway cartons and pizza crusts that the pair were just sat with their gazes set on the television screen. The munchies had definitely gripped them both! Penelope had surpassed Derek's expectations and ate to her heart's content and now it was like sitting with a brand new Penelope.

Sitting with Derek by her side with Spongebob Squarepants on, Penelope felt the most normal she had in a long time. Giggling she looked to Derek who was staring at the television in sheer amazement and she leaned in closer to him.

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" She started to sing joyfully down his hear.

Derek looked at her with a grin, he pointed to the screen, "The sponge?"

"Oh well done, Stud Muffin of Mine! You deserve a kiss," Penelope teased him and kissed his cheek. As she slowly pulled away, she couldn't stop the feeling in her that she wanted more of Derek, she wanted more than touches and kisses, she wanted him how she had never had him before. For the first time since chemo has taken over her body she could feel the familiar ache that Derek riled in her and she could tell she was turned on. "Derek," She whispered to him, her tone low and seductive all of a sudden.

He looked at her, murmuring a yes in the last of his light druggy haze.

Nervously, Penelope wondered if he wanted this, or if he would push her away and claim it was the brownies that made her feel like this. Even when she knew it wasn't that, this was her, she could feel it. "I want you," She uttered at him and kept his eye contact steady with hers. "I need you, Derek. I always have, and I want to give you some payback for the last couple of months."

Derek's eyes lit up with intent, "Really? Are you sure?"

"Positive," Penelope whispered at him as she drew his face closer to kiss her. "We need to work fast, your mom's only out with JJ and Emily. We're on limited time."

"Then let me do all the work, Baby," He announced as he knew exactly what he wanted from her. "I want you to realise that I will do anything for you, Penelope and right now, this is what I've wanted since I could remember."

"This isn't payback then," Penelope commented with a slight pout.

Derek smirked, "Any moment with you is a reward, Princess." He manoeuvred so that he could slowly undress her, but he found an urge to worship her entirely – even on the couch! He bent down and kissed her passionately, making her groan out in pleasure as he used one arm to move her to just how he wanted her. As he slid her tracksuit bottoms off and then her panties, he looked up at her, grinning like he had found the jackpot, "Just as I thought," He started and watched Penelope give him a quizzical look, "No, Mr Krabs here!"

Penelope laughed loudly at that and then found herself pulled by her feet so her back was flush against the couch cushions. Watching Derek remove his own tracksuit bottoms and pull his boxers down, Penelope bit her lip as she cast her gaze down his body to inspect what he had kept hidden and what she found made the butterflies erupt in frenzied excitement and she felt her need for him grow beyond even her expected measures. This man was a turn on with clothes on, but without? Well, even she had expected to be _this _turned on.

Without denial in him, Derek knew he was ready for her immediately. He always had been and now the moment was upon him he knew he was going to love this moment beyond any other moment in his life. As he came down to kiss her, he pulled one of the multiple blankets around him as he noticed the goosebumps appearing all over Penelope's lily white skin. At the same time, his right hand came down to tease her and the moment he hit her clit he heard her gasp in mere pleasure at the tiny touch. Running his fingers down towards her core, he felt how wet she was and he continued to tease her as he kissed her neck and reached out to remove her scarf. He wanted her to realise that he didn't care about anything as long as he had her.

"You sure you're ready, Beautiful?" He murmured to her between the kisses. He wanted her to be entirely ready before he did any other than this type of foreplay.

"Born ready," Penelope managed to say back as a hand ran over the back of his neck.

In the most natural of ways possible, Derek thrust into her and he felt complete. In the moment of meeting her intimately he found that no other woman felt this way for him. He might be well experienced, but now he realised what true love felt like. There was nothing about this woman that disappointed him.

As he pulled out, he felt her hands on his back tell him not to stop so soon and the ache in his body, the yearn he had caused him to thrust back into her and continue in a pure, rhythmic motion to make love to her.

Realising quickly, Penelope knew she had never found a lover like this and she never would. With Derek, every touch was spine tingling and every kiss was like a tattoo being pressed to her skin in invisible perfection. And as he thrust into her once more she felt herself give and her climax was reaching its pinnacle point and just as her hand clawed into his bare back even more she went to let out an almighty gro-

"Oh my!" Fran's shock filled expression broke the climatic moment.

Derek was just happy that his and Penelope's modesty was at least covered in the multiple blankets that lay over them. He pulled it up more and laughed a little as Penelope's pale features heated with a pink blush. He never thought at nearing forty he would be caught doing the dirty by his mother, but God was it the biggest thrill possible!

"I-I, nothing was seen!" Fran exclaimed as she blushed with shock. "I'm just going into the kitchen to put these away and I'll leave you two to it." Moments later, after she had heard the pair start grabbling for their clothes, she called out in delight, "You definitely for the recipe right, Baby!"

"The brownies!" Derek gasped as he shot off Penelope, ignoring his tracksuit bottoms. "Mom!"

Penelope had followed, only being able to get a hold of her underwear and a blanket. "Leave it." Penelope told him as Fran had already pretty much eaten half of the brownie.

"They're drugged though," He told her with building alarm.

Penelope looked at Derek and shrugged, trying not to giggle too much at his sudden bout of paranoia, "We're fine."

If couldn't beat them, join them she thought as she grabbed another piece of brownie and indulged herself.

Prompting Derek to join her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"I can't believe you drugged me!" Fran exclaimed the next day. "I've never done drugs before in my life and now look what's happened."

"Ma, it wasn't enough to make you addict," Derek pointed out, his tone showing his sheer amusement.

"Those brownies were addictive," Penelope jumped in simply.

Derek glared at her and had to chuckle and she grinned at him brightly, "What I'm saying mom, is that the amount that was in there was enough to give you a buzz and make you have the munchies."

"Why do you even have it?" Fran asked back. "You're an FBI agent."

"And a hot one at that," Penelope dropped in sweetly.

Derek couldn't stop chuckling at Penelope's new and improved as she sat on the kitchen counter between him and his mom. "It's medicinal, Penelope was approved a prescription and we got it filled, but she kept refusing to take it."

"So you made brownies?" Fran asked bemused and yet completely confused all at once.

"Just to get her appetite going," Derek pointed out, "And as you can tell from the state of the living room this morning, her appetite came back forcefully."

Penelope put her head to side, "I could eat that Thai again."

"If all I had to do was make sweet love to you and get caught by mom to make you feel better, I would have taken you to bed long before now," Derek told her as he watched her smile at him.

"Many, many years of broken promises right there," Penelope quipped back with a sad, playful pout.

Watching the two, Fran still felt a little embarrassed by the show she had seen last night when she had walked in. "How about I cook you up a massive breakfast?" Fran asked as she settled in hearing Penelope's new and improved feisty nature take back its rightful place and tried to get the day started.

Reaching out for Derek's hand, "Let's take Clooney out for a walk, Handsome. I want to go and walk before it rains and I'm trapped inside for another reason."

"But food?" Derek pointed out.

"Go take Clooney, and I'll start cooking in a little bit. Be an hour tops and we'll have us a big Morgan breakfast," Fran exclaimed excitedly. "So go," She shooed them.

She was left with the biggest smile as Derek helped Penelope down from the counter top and whisked her away to get changed.

All she could hear was their laughter and she knew that Derek was finally at the happiest place in his life after such a long struggle.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Walking around the local park, Penelope held Derek's hand and walked by his side. This to her was bliss. Just the two of them and their dog, walking around like there were no problems or cares in the world when in actual fact there was a war going on in theirs.

Penelope felt a raindrop hit her cheek and then all of a sudden it was like the heavens opened up and an almighty downpour fell immediately upon them. Everyone in the park began to ran, and Derek wasn't about to leave her standing around in the rain.

"C'mon, under here," Derek pointed out to the bandstand that stood in the middle of the park. He kept his hand tightly around hers and he took off for the shelter. He allowed Clooney to keep up the pace as Penelope fell behind, but he refused to let her slip away before they reached the dry error.

"You're just getting wet, Handsome," She started to tell him as they ran, "And not in a good way." Yet as she looked down at his body, his t-shirt stuck to his perfect skin by the water, she had to giggle impishly, "Or maybe in an extremely good way."

"Behave yourself, Baby Girl," Derek warned her as they neared closer to their shelter.

The moment he pulled her under he cast a look at her and felt his heart grip. "Marry me," Derek breathed as he watched her for a moment, her laughter from being caught in the rain dying out as she looked out at the rain storm, the thunder crashing down.

"Excuse me?" Penelope asked him back in shock, wondering if the thunder had distorted her hearing.

"I said marry me," Derek repeated as he grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him. He had been thinking deeply about how he thought of Penelope, but right now, after watching her run out of the rain, he realised that he couldn't – and well he didn't – want to ever look at another woman and feel this way. He didn't want to marry any other girl. He wanted to marry Penelope. He wanted a life with Penelope and only Penelope.

All Penelope could do was stand there staring, her knees slowly going weak – Derek wanted to marry the cancer chick!

As much as she wanted to say yes, she didn't want Derek thrust into this world like that, not when there were no guarantees that she was going to be around for the forever part.

So what did she tell him?

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	11. Regaining Normalcy

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Right another chapter after so long! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates, my muse is shot, I'm reaching obscene levels of exhaustion and stress and let's just say, I'm more for giving up writing than anything else at this point in my life... So hopefully the muse sticks around because I have so much more to give on this story. _

_Also, with me not going through the experience of cancer or knowing anyone in my family who has, writing this, and doubting myself like I have been lately, is making this extremely difficult – I just don't want to disappoint or disrespect those that have experienced this first hand... _

_Enough of me though, thank you for the reviews and enjoy =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope had memories, and then she had perfect memories.

Her most perfect memory she held, at that moment in time, was that of the day she had denied Derek's marriage proposal and he had fought tooth and nail to make her change her mind.

"_I can't be that girl right now," Penelope told him, however painful it was to admit, she had to believe that Derek could get a better life without her. She left him then, she walked into the rain, only stopping when he took her hand and prevented her from fleeing._

"_Why not?" Derek asked her back, he couldn't deny the sadness that swept through him, but he had to respect whatever was Penelope's reasoning, but if it was some ludicrous reply he got, he would fight it to the death. He refused for her to not give this the welcoming it deserved. He would only let her say no if he agreed it were a good enough reasoning. _

"_I can't offer you much after this, Derek," She started to tell him. "I might not get pregnant, and then you'll leave me. I won't be able to give you the family you want and deserve." Penelope declared to him. "I had the procedure to have my eggs frozen without you knowing because I was embarrassed that that was how my life was becoming. Everything relies on doctors now and I hate it," Penelope admitted softly, "But I don't know if that's enough. None of this is enough because I have no control."_

_Derek put his hand to her face, watching her blink away the tears as the rain made its own. He hated that she had gone through another procedure right under his nose, "You're making too much out of this. We do this day to day, Pen, but I can't do this life without you anymore, can't you understand that?"_

"_I just don't want to be a letdown," Penelope breathed out her concern. _

"_Baby, in my eyes you never will be," Derek told her with such sincerity that even the pouring rain couldn't drown it out. "Do you know what I see when I look at you? What I really think that is?"_

_Shaking her head, Penelope felt more tears fall and mingle with the pouring rain. Her lip quivered as Derek looked right through to her soul. _

"_I see this strong woman that entered my life so unexpectedly. I see a fighter, who's gone through so much in her life that she denies herself happiest when she's due it. Like right now, she has the man that loves her wholeheartedly and yet, she can't accept it because she doesn't think she is enough for him. Baby, you're more than enough for me, because I don't want to ever wake up one morning and not have you next to me." He watched her carefully, "And I know you're going to tell me the same story about how with this cancer you can't predict what's going to happen, but you shouldn't give up on us because of that. I don't see a future without you, Pen, that is how serious I am about us beating this. I want to stick by your side loving you through this and after this."_

_He watched her as she still remain completely silent on him._

"_I want you to do this knowing that someone loves you, Baby," Derek finalised telling her. _

_Penelope looked away, "You don't need to marry me for me to know that."_

"_I want to marry you though. I think I always have, but lately, all of this has just made me more aware of what you give me. What you bring into my life. Kevin leaving has made me acknowledge that I would never make you unhappy on purpose and if I did, I would punish myself. All I want to in this life is you. I want us to happen, Penelope."_

_Rolling her eyes, Penelope tried to think of reasons why she could say no, but she was falling short. She was only denying herself what she truly wanted. "Why do you always make me fall in love with you more?"_

"_Because I like you to get an idea of what the rest of our lives are going to be like," Derek said and watched Penelope smile at the blissful idea of that. "So will you marry me?" Derek asked her again, his smile small and expectant._

_Penelope dissolved into a bright smile, even in the middle of a rain storm, "Yes!" Penelope responded and felt Derek wrap his arms around her as he came to kiss her. _

_Even in the rain, with Clooney running rings round them, the lightening striking up, they didn't hurry this moment. _

_For one moment in time, they were just Penelope and Derek. They weren't Derek and the cancer chick, or the jock and the geek. They were a perfect pair - just how they were always supposed to be in this life._

_As they pulled back, Derek revealed the ring he hadn't left anywhere since getting. He slid it onto Penelope's finger, realising his choice wasn't wrong and he finally got another thing in this life that he wanted and it was all coming from one source – Penelope._

_Relinquishing the kiss, he heard her moan in pleasure and as they pulled apart he took her hand and got her home as quickly as he possibly could. He wanted to celebrate and show Penelope he wasn't all talk._

_Even in the rain, they walked along in perfect happiness._

Sitting up in bed, Penelope looked down at the ring on her finger and smiled. She didn't know when it was going to happen, but one day soon – _real soon_ – she was going to be the newest Mrs. Morgan and that in itself was a reason to find each day a new blessing.

As the smile graced her pale lips, Derek walked into the room, only making it brighter.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"When are you going to entice wearing a wig?" Emily asked as she sat back in her chair in the bar a few nights later. "I mean, I would've thought you'd be all over that idea by now, PG."

"Believe me, Prentiss, she's tried on purple ones, green ones, blue ones with pink strips and none of taken her fancy," Derek said for Penelope as she slurped up her drink, smiling around her straw as he spoke.

"Don't forget the normal ones," Penelope prompted as she took the straw away from her lips. "I know what I want."

"And we'll find it soon, Baby," Derek vowed to her and watched her look up at him, the straw back between her lips, drinking it fast. "You're enjoying that drink a little bit too much."

Swallowing, she brought the finished drink away from her lips, "It's been a long time since I've felt well enough to even touch alcohol and believe me, that was completely yummy, Handsome!"

"I think I'm going to need to go for that one," Emily said after seeing how well Penelope had enjoyed one alcoholic drink, plus it was a Friday and she wanted to let her hair down even if it were just a little bit.

"Hey Prentiss," Derek called out as Rossi finally arrived, "Help me get drinks now Dave's here."

Emily looked at him perplexed, "What happened to you getting them yourself?" She relented when Derek shot her a look that told her he needed more from her than just help with drinks. "Ahh, yeah, there is more of us here now."

"Thanks," He said with a smirk and looked to Penelope. "Same again, Princess?" He asked her and she nodded as she slurped up what little was left of her drink. As he left the table, he caught Emily giving him the same look, "I know it was a while ago, and I could be way out, but do you remember when Pen had to wear that wig for the press conference?"

"The short, blonde one with the curls?" Emily asked and smirked, "The one that you wouldn't stop going on about once she had gone back to being a red head?"

Derek smirked back and nodded, "Yeah, that one."

"What about it?" She asked him as they reached the bar.

Derek put his back to the bar for a moment and looked at their table with only Pen, Spencer and Dave here. "She's been looking for an identical one," He cast his gaze to Emily. "She knows she can get away with all the wacky ones, but she's trying so hard to get some normalcy back in her life and she hates that she has no hair so wants a wig that makes her feel a bit more like her for the meantime."

"And does this have anything to do with the engagement ring she's sporting?" Emily persisted to ask and watched Derek go bashful, "You dirty dog, not thinking we'd notice!" She then put her back to the group, "And she said yes, this is exactly what we needed to hear right about now." She put her hand up to get the barmen before looking to Derek as he turned round, "I think you'll find that wig in the bottom drawer of my desk."

Taking once last look before putting his order to the barman, Derek watched Penelope giggle and knew he would do anything in his power to make Penelope feel more like her and he would drive to the ends of the earth to make it happen if he had to.

Penelope cast a look over a Derek, she was more than a little curious to what he was discussing with Emily that required him to be away from her, and that alone told her it was about her, personally. Which only made her curiosity triple as a result.

"How you feeling, Kitten?" Rossi as he kissed Penelope's cheek with a welcome after he came back from a quick trip to the men's room. "You're looking well."

Penelope beamed at him, "I feel like a million dollars tonight, My Handsome Italian."

"Does this mean you're ready for work Monday?" Rossi asked as he sat down next to Reid.

"I am, Derek isn't," Penelope pouted and then smiled. "He's worried it's going to be too much for me to take on when I have no control over how I feel when I wake up in the morning."

"It is going to be too much," Derek said as he and Emily rejoined the group. "You know the stress, Baby. It just worries me that it will be a bit too much for you."

Penelope sighed at his concern, "It's half a day and that's it. I want some normalcy, Hot Stuff, and this will be giving me just a little ounce of that."

Derek nodded, "I know, Baby, but I just worry with your health."

"I'm," She started and put her arms up as if to show her muscles, "Fighting strong, Derek, and I plan on keeping it that way."

"I know, I just worry about if we get called away on a case," Derek fretted to her. "I mean, what would I do?"

Penelope smirked, "I have mamma Morgan to hold the fort until you can get back if anything goes wrong," Penelope told him confidently. "But it's my way or the highway and I ain't letting myself get any worse when you're not around."

"Ahh, so you're saving the bad for me are you?" Derek quipped and watched Penelope laugh, hitting him playfully in the process. "I'm actually going to go and ring her actually, see if she's doing okay," Derek said, kissing Penelope as he stood he rushed out of the bar.

"Tell I'm okay, she was worrying before we left," Penelope asked him as he left and then looked at Emily as she moved. "Missing your sidekick already?"

"My sidekick?" Emily asked confused.

"Spencer," She pointed out to the dance floor and Emily laughed as she saw Reid being hounded by a bachelorette party. "He looks in trouble."

"We'll leave him for a moment; it's healthy for him to experience this," Emily commented seriously as she watched the view from afar.

Penelope looked at Emily with a devilish grin, "That's so mean, but yet so right!" She exclaimed and giggled as they watched their youngest member of the team not know where to turn to getaway.

Rossi, having seen JJ and Hotch enter the room, stood up, "Excuse me a moment." He dismissed himself and walked over to the pair.

"Well that's new," Penelope pointed out as JJ walked straight up to Rossi, and kissed him heavy and hard, stopping him right in his tracks.

"I thought the JJ-Will breakup was hot off of the press?" Emily asked Penelope as she watched the end of the kiss.

Penelope giggled, "I'm guessing things move a lot faster in Quantico than we notice."

"Like you're engage," Emily pointed out and watched Penelope look at her before relaxing into a bright smile. "I did worry that you'd say no."

"I did originally," Penelope told her honestly, "But he's persistent and you can't say no to your heart for too long," She paused as Derek approached them with Reid by his side having gotten free from the women's grasp, "Or him for that matter."

"Care to dance?" He said and put his hand out for her, breaking the girls laughing.

"Lead the way, Hot Stuff!" Penelope chirped as she felt the urge to get up and dance with Derek. She had no idea how long she would feel like, but until she started to feel any side effects of the chemo she was going to enjoy this. Today had started off brilliantly; she was going to make sure it ended brilliantly.

Dancing with Derek was the best way to end any night out in Penelope's eyes.

It wasn't even an hour later, however, when Penelope was beyond exhausted and called it a night that everyone decided to give it an early one. She insisted with them all to carry on dancing, even Derek, and that she would catch a cab home, but no one would adhere to it – especially Derek. So they were all leaving in good spirits and Penelope loved having a moment of normalcy thrust upon her where she had danced and drank and laughed like the cancer was nonexistent. She loved to feel like Penelope Garcia even if for a short time frame.

"What have you got up your sleeve?" Rossi asked as he pulled back with Derek as they left.

Derek smirked, "I'm going to plan her perfect wedding without her even knowing it."

"You've been engaged how long?" Rossi joked and laughed.

"Doesn't matter about how long we've been engaged," Derek said as he put his hand on Rossi's shoulder. "When you love her and want to give her the world, believe me, you can give her the world in bits and pieces."

With that Derek walked off to catch up with Penelope, and Rossi just lingered, staring at JJ wondering if she was going to be happy with him. When she turned back to sought him out in the crowd she smiled brightly at him.

He guessed time would tell.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	12. Some Forms of Karma

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**** So, this update happened a lot sooner than the others, so S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E! =) I hope you like this, it's a little more intense than the few chapters before... Enjoy anyway!**

**All mistakes are mine, it's late here, lol...**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Well I never expected you to take the ill look so literally," Kevin commented as he saw Penelope walking towards to her office, her head in a file. He had heard she had returned to work the day before and having heard the team were out on a case, he took his opportunity to meander upstairs and take a look at what Penelope was doing for herself. He was, originally, going to be nice, but after hearing of her new engagement he felt a dagger stick in his heart.

"You kinder don't get the option when you have cancer," Penelope said as she closed the file to look at him. She could see her office door, but it was too far to just flee to. "Even I thought you'd understand that."

Kevin sniggered a little, "I just never thought it'd hit you so soon." He saw her unaffected by his comments so persisted. "So where's Derek now?" Kevin said as he stepped towards her, "Out with another girl, on yet another case."

"We're working a case, you moron," Penelope told him and shook the file at him as she noticed how he had changed. "So what do you think?"

"Doesn't feel good, does it?" Kevin asked her snidely. "To be needing the one person that would rather be working than looking out for you."

Penelope could see what he was doing, and even though the separation was causing her anxiety, and she wasn't feeling one hundred percent she wasn't going to let him bully her. Especially when her chest was feeling tight, and she was trying to ignore something she had just overheard.

"I'm not dependent on a man, Kevin. I'm able to handle this without Derek by my side twenty-four seven," Penelope started to tell him, but she couldn't deny the nausea that swept over her and she bypassed her sudden illness as stress of the moment. "I'm in work to work, the team need me and the faster I work the quicker they come home."

"But this is just the start. Do you really think you're going to marry him and live perfectly ever after? This is Derek Morgan, the man that aspires to his job and other women. You really think he's going to love just you? I mean get a grip, Penelope. You're not even normal anymore. You don't have hair, you're constantly ill and it's just getting worse."

Penelope shook her head, forbidding the tears to fall.

Kevin grabbed her arms and shook her to put some sense into her, "Can't you see just what I went through? This is what I put up with. The neglect, the loneliness, so I guess karma is a bitch, Penny. At last you can understand what I stuck around to experience."

Feeling fear rise in her suddenly, Penelope squirmed away from his hold on her as her chest tightened more than it had in the past few days. The tears now disobeyed her and fell freely and Kevin's words were demoralising her bit by bit.

"It won't get easier, you won't understand, because one day when he calls a quit, you won't be ready for it because you'll be living in your own little dream land where everything's going to be okay," He persisted to feed her the deadly seeds of doubt.

All of a sudden, Penelope found it impossible to catch her breath properly. She tried to calm herself, thinking it was just the stress that Kevin was evoking in her, that it was the stress of the moment, but she only got worse. She couldn't even think in that moment, she was consumed with gathering oxygen into her lungs.

Kevin still had a tight grasp on her arms as her legs gave way and she was falling to the floor heavily. He went down with her slumping body, trying to soften the blow of her hitting the ground beneath her and he could see how much trouble she was in. He loosened his grip on her as other members of other teams swarmed to give assistance.

"Penelope," He started with worrying concern, "What's a matter?"

She could only hit her chest as the fear rose in her even more. Now, instead of the fear of Kevin, it was the not being able to catch her breath properly. She could feel how hard it was to keep a grip and she panicked at what was now compromising her health. Was it another side effect? Or was it a new illness? Was the cancer spreading?

It was as her vision got spotty that she realised that maybe this was it. As she continued to heave, she reached into her skirt pocket for her phone, only able to get Fran's number up, she gave Kevin the phone. She didn't want Derek because she didn't want him skipping _another _case for her, and she knew, if Kevin had it his way, then Derek wouldn't get a phone call until Penelope was ready.

Putting her head back against the wall, she allowed commotion to continue as she tried to control her breathing, closing her eyes she just wished help was here and now so she could begin to feel like she was going to be okay again. However, the longer she stayed like this, the more tired she was getting as a result of not being able to get enough oxygen within her system.

It was as she heard the confirmation that Fran was going to meet her at the hospital, that she realised an ambulance was drawing closer as someone ran from one of the windows to alert them.

Once again, Penelope placed her faith in strangers and tried to believe that everything was going to be okay.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek rushed through the hospital until he found the room he had be told and he went straight for the open door. Since he had got the call from his mom, he had alerted the team and Hotch had urged him to go as soon as possible. With the case being just out of town, he had made it to the hospital within the hour. He saw his mom talking to nurses, but he bypassed them, he needed to see Penelope first.

The moment she saw him, she had to smile at the ironic calm he bestowed upon her. He might look a mess, and his attitude might be manic and frantic, but just knowing he was here now calmed her.

"What the hell?" He asked as he went towards her and wrapped his arms around her. "How did this happen?" He continued to ask as he pulled back and took in her appearance. From what he could tell, her breathing was laboured, even with the cannula hooked behind her ears delivering her pure oxygen through her nose and she looked like she had been crying.

"Shortness of breath," Penelope told him honestly. "It started last night, and today it got the better of me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek asked her with a scolding tone.

Penelope gave him a sarcastic look, "You're working a case. You take enough time out for me. You career's going to suffer."

"So you ending up in a hospital isn't going to stop that?" Derek asked her back at point blank.

"I didn't ask them to call you, your mom wanted you here," She told him agitatedly, "I didn't need you to worry because your mom was here for me." Penelope tried to defend herself from not telling him.

Derek stood back at that comment, "Right, so now my mom's in the picture you don't need me obviously."

"I didn't say that," Penelope told him exasperated. She knew he was tired, but she was in pain and struggling to get the right amount of air to fill her lungs at that moment, and all this was doing was making it ten times worse. "If you're going to put words in my mouth then don't sit around in here and do it."

"That's it, when times get hard you push everyone away," Derek snapped at her.

Penelope couldn't deny how hurt she was by that, "I didn't ask for this attitude! I didn't ask for this to happen at all, but I wanted you to remain focused and prove that this isn't going to affect you and it is! My problem is affecting you, and that isn't fair," Penelope bit back as the tears began to line her. "And as selfishly as I want you to be here, Derek, I can't be the reason you lose your job."

"No job is as important to me as you are though. Why can't you understand that?" Derek asked her as his tone softened again.

"Because you tried so hard to make this career. I don't want to be the one thing that makes you unhappy in a few years time." She looked away then, that was if she was here in a few years time.

"In a few years time I know I'll be reaching my happiest when I have you as a Morgan and we have children causing us chaos," Derek joked with her, but he could read her doubt. "I know you feel like this is a struggle, but when I promised we'd do this together, I meant we'd do this together, Baby."

Penelope smiled wistfully, not sure if that future was going to be a reality. Being admitted to hospital was not a confidence solver; if anything it made her illness all the more apparent. It showed her how weak her body was becoming and it proved just how easily this could end dangerously.

"What else is on your mind?" Derek asked her lightly, as he put his hand to her face to make her look at him.

Sighing, Penelope felt the bubble of emotions build within her again, "I overheard Strauss," Penelope started to tell him slowly; "She's using my illness as cause to split the team." Penelope heaved as the sobs clawed at her throat, "I'm breaking us and it's all happening in front of my eyes, Derek."

Derek wiped her tears away for her, "That isn't going to happen in this lifetime, Baby Girl. You need to keep faith in that."

"She said I could get my treatment in another state and I can be transferred just like that," Penelope told him and looked at him with such weakening power. "I can't do this alone, please don't make me."

"Not even Strauss is going to prevent me from sticking by your side and if she wants to transfer you out, I go with you. No matter what, Baby, you and me are now and forever a duo." He gathered her in his arms as she began to sob, and her breathing worsened again, but he knew full well there was no way he was going to be able to fix her and make her feel better when another piece of her life was hanging by a thread.

"Why is this happening to me?" Penelope asked him woefully in amongst her sobs.

Derek closed his eyes as he felt her tone hit his soul heavily, "I don't know, Pen, but I make promises to you with the intent of keeping them and we will show the likes of Strauss that she can't bully someone that is ill. She needs to learn that we're the good guys, not the bad."

"I don't understand why I had to get ill," Penelope said as she pulled back a little.

"No one ever knows, Baby. Life just likes to throw us curveballs, but we make the most out of them, and you and me wouldn't have happened without this. You gotta make the best out of every bad situation. So far, that hasn't failed me," Derek told her and saw her eyes transform with acceptance as the moment gained clarity. "You okay now?" Derek asked her gently, and she nodded as she calmed. It was only then that he let her go.

As she settled once more, she lifted up to fix her scarf and he watched her, not ready to jump into help just yet. It was as something on her arms caught his eye that he frowned and moved a little to get an easier look that the heat burnt his chest.

"What are those bruises from?" Derek asked her as he caught the dark hue of her pale skin as she continued to bring her other hand up to fix her scarf and he noticed a near enough identical marking on her.

"They're nothing," Penelope said, she didn't want Derek getting into trouble for hunting down Kevin.

"Penelope," Derek growled at her. "You better start talking, Baby Girl, before I go to work and get the damn CCTV up myself because I'm pretty certain that wouldn't happen at home or going to work so who the fucks grabbed you?"

Looking at him, Penelope's breathing shuddered for a different reason entirely. "Kevin," Penelope admitted softly. "He was telling me that I know how it feels to be neglected when I needed someone I loved because you were on a case. He grabbed and shook me, and my chest got really tight."

"He put you in here?" Derek bit back with full aggression, and he hated himself as Penelope flinched.

Penelope looked at him, "I was struggling last night, and your mom thought it was just because I was lying down and I refused to get checked out. I collapsed whilst he was yelling at me from the same problem, but the stress of him and Strauss was obviously too much for me."

"But he helped?" Derek said and stood up, his chest pumped, his breathing heavy with anger. He was seeing red that Kevin would turn so monstrous and hurt Penelope after everything, even when he knew what predicament they were caught in.

"Don't go," Penelope said as she reached for his hand. "I'm scared, Derek. Kevin isn't worth it, but I need you." She looked up into his eyes, her gaze pleading and fearful, "Your mom went to find out what they found, but since getting admitted and having tests done they've not said anything to me."

Derek knew he could do one crazy thing now, and let rage motivate him and let Penelope down, or he could stay true to himself and Penelope and be here when they knew what they were dealing with.

There was no way he was letting Penelope down and he wasn't even going to start.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

David Rossi had never been possessive over a person, but since Penelope's diagnosis he had felt himself grow ever more possessive in wanting to look after her, and support her. He hated, much like they all did, that they couldn't safe one of their own for once. They had to watch the lone battle and support it, encourage strength, demand power to fight back.

After hours of waiting, Penelope was now resting after more tests, and more poking and prodding only to discover fluid on her lungs. Derek had stayed with her for as much as he could, but now she was resting, and quite literally out cold, he had asked Rossi to stick around whilst he went and sorted some business out. At first, Rossi just assumed that it was stuff to do with the wedding seeing as Derek had been plotting meticulously since the engagement it seemed, but now he was starting to wonder if it had anything to do with the purpling bruise to Penelope's arm.

Penelope had been watching him as he sat opposite her. He had one leg crossed so his ankle of his left leg met his right knee and he bounced his foot as he sat with a hand to his mouth, his eyes glazed with steady thought.

"So you and JJ?" Penelope asked him as she stifled a yawn. She found it nice that even though Derek wasn't around, Rossi would stick around for her as a substitute.

Rossi chuckled as he uncrossed his legs and sat forward in his chair, "You only wake up for gossip now?"

"When if it's juicy like Friday night's make out session, yes," Penelope told him playfully and remained snuggled into the pillows. "I mean, when did that happen?"

"I don't know, it just did," Rossi said and chuckled as Penelope's expression showed she was pressing for more details. "I found JJ working late one night, we all knew about Will ending things unpleasantly, and we got talking about you, and about how we refused to let you do this alone and I just sat there and admitted it to myself - I'm in love with her," Rossi shrugged and smiled dreamily. A look Penelope had never seen before on his face, "I never thought I'd do it again, but loving JJ is so different from before."

"I think you've met your match, Dave," Penelope smiled at him confidently. "I have good feelings about this."

"You and me both, Bella," Dave told her in a positive tone that was almost borderline excitement. "I hear you didn't help your current predicament," Rossi commented teasingly, and watched Penelope offer him a rather perplexed look. "Too much going out in the cold and rain I hear," Rossi pointed out and gave her a sharp look.

Penelope grinned, "Combined with chemo, apparently it can happen. So it might not have been avoidable."

"Okay," Rossi said relaxing a little, "I'll give you that."

Smiling, Penelope lay there for a moment before broaching the Strauss subject. "Have you heard about Strauss?" Penelope asked as she looked at Rossi out right and watched him nod. "She can't do that can she?" She knew the answer already, but she was just hoping that fate wouldn't be so cruel.

"She can, I'm afraid, Penelope," Rossi told her truthfully and saw the fear, "But do you think I'm actually going to allow her to do it?" He saw the fear diminish instantly. "She can try whatever she wants, but I won't adhere to it, and it'll all come around and hurt her career more."

"You think?" Penelope asked as she tired again.

Rossi nodded and watched the exhaustion grip her again like it always did, "I think you need to get some more rest," Rossi ended lightly and stood up to pull the sheets around her, he even pulled her own blanket up around her, making sure she was fully settled before he sat back down.

If there was one thing he knew, it was that Strauss was not about to break the only family that he had. There was no way, that David Rossi was about to see that form of defamation befall them, not at this crucial point in their lives. They were the support that was keeping Penelope going and they were the key to her beating this. He wasn't about to see anything bad happen to Penelope or the team. He would fight tooth and nail for that.

"Dave?" Penelope asked moments later, breaking his thoughts, "Can you please go and find Derek?"

"What's up, Kitten? He'll be back soon," Rossi tried to defuse her worry instantly.

"I know he's not in this hospital and I know he wants Kevin. Please can you stop him from doing anything stupid?"

"Of course, I can," Ross told her sincerely as he could. "I'll go once I know you're settled."

Calming, Penelope finally allowed herself to close her eyes and accept so sleep as she settled at the thought of Derek not getting into trouble over something to do with Kevin Lynch. He really wasn't worth it in Penelope's eyes and she new karma would catch him out one day.

When Fran entered the room, Rossi knew he could leave Penelope for sure and as he left, he pulled his phone from his pocket, and he rang Derek. Little did Penelope know was that Kevin Lynch was receiving karma, and he was going to be sure it was hitting him hard before he left with Derek to get back to the hospital.

What Penelope didn't know didn't hurt her after all.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	13. Fighting Back

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Update time! I plan to storyboard this, so I have some concept of what the hell's gonna happen. With Uni over tomorrow I hope to get more chapter s out... All mistakes are mine – I'm exhausted and I'm sure I've blown a fuse with finishing uni! However, I hope you enjoy what's about to go down..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

The moment Kevin had opened the door he felt the impact of a fist that pretty much mirrored the feeling of being hit with a thick wall of steel. He stumbled backwards, amazed that he managed to stay standing enough to hit the banister at the bottom of his stairs.

"You broke my nose!" He whined as he brought his hands up to hold his now fragile nose.

Derek was still seeing red – and it wasn't just Kevin's nose pulsating blood either. "You're lucky that's all I fucking broke." Derek warned Kevin, his tone instigating that he would more than welcome a full on beating if necessary. "She's in the hospital! She's in the fucking hospital, Lynch and she has bruises on her arms that are strangely the size of your hands!"

"Oh, yeah, of course she told _you_," Kevin grunted with a laugh as his only sense was telling him that Penelope had ratted him out. He pulled his hand away from his face and ready to take on Derek like he seemingly needed to.

"Oh no," Derek cut him off, "She defended you. She placated what happened to her and told me it wasn't worth it, and believe me, I know you're not even worth the time of day, but you are worth the knock down I should have given you that night you made her feel completely fucking worthless!"

"I was angry," Kevin defended his actions that night. "I'm still angry! My girlfriend gets cancer and I lose her, and even before our relationship was declared over. She was always your girl, and you knew it. You took advantage of her all of these years and now look at you. She was always your girl."

"The thing is, Lynch, is that I always knew whose girl she was!" Derek bellowed at Kevin, "Always! I respected you for having her best interests at heart. I supported her when it was fresh and new and she was still recovering. I encouraged her to give you the fucking chance when she thought it was too soon. So don't tell me she was my girl, when I fucking knew she was yours!" Derek felt saddened as he declared that, never had he done such a thing as admit one of his deepest secrets. "You destroyed your relationship by sleeping around, don't you forget that. I was just the friend that she needed because she didn't have you. I was second best, Lynch. I was second best from the moment you stepped onto the scene."

"Well I guess now it's clear to see you're not," Kevin bit back. "You're definitely not second best considering you're now marrying the cancer girl." Kevin couldn't get more out as this time he hit the floor from the impact of Derek's fist hitting his jaw.

"That cancer girl has a name. _Penelope_ loved you, you fucking asshole. When she told me she had cancer, she knew you were going to leave her, but to make it worse, that didn't come true until more damage was done. You led her on, you made her feel safe with you, that you wouldn't hurt her and all you did was hurt her. Day after day." Derek was just pumped full of anger, "And don't think I forgot that you threw Battle in her face," Derek spat as he leaned in. "You do not understand the amount of times she's beaten herself up over that, but you were one of the best things that came out of that nightmare and you made even that lose its value too."

"I was angry," Kevin used the same excuse.

"I'm fucking angry, Kevin!" Derek snapped back, his breathing heavy with his exertion of anger. "The woman I loved fell in love with another man right before my eyes, right after I nearly lost her! Then to top it all, the girl that I have always loved has cancer and she has to fight it right in front of my eyes! I didn't mean to take her from you, Kevin. I am not that type of man, but I plan to love her and support her and I will make sure she gets through this with me by her side. No one else, but me."

Kevin watched Derek and saw the truth. It was there all along, for all of these years, the truth to Derek's participation in his relationship with Penelope.

Suddenly, Derek shook his head as he realised that he didn't want to go softly, not after seeing those bruises on Penelope's arms. "There is one thing I want you to be well aware of right now, Lynch."

"W-what?" Kevin asked as he tried to understand what Derek was getting at.

"You do not know how badly I wanted to make you feel the pain you had inflicted on Penelope that night. I wanted so hard to hit you, but my priority was her and not you," Derek said as he pushed his finger further into Kevin's chest. "You deserve every little thing you have coming to you."

"Step down, Morgan," Derek heard Rossi's voice from behind him and responded. "I think you better get back to Penelope. She's resting, but she needs you to be there with her as well."

"I'm going," Derek managed, but his tone was still heated. He glared at Kevin, "You dare do anything, and I mean anything to make her even the slightest bit unhappy and I will come down so hard on you, you won't know what hi-"

"Morgan," Rossi said with a warning tone. "Go, now. I've got this."

Watching, Kevin looked as Derek left and then turned to Rossi, "Agent Rossi, I can assure you what happened has been cleared up between me and Morgan."

"Not between myself and you it hasn't, Kevin, I haven't had my say yet," Rossi responded and watched the man in front of him swallow hard. "I don't know what God is looking over you, but you better prayer they continue to do so, Kevin,"

"I said I'm sorry," Kevin all of a sudden muttered again. "I can't do anymore; I helped her when I could."

"Not before stressing her out enough to help her collapse," Rossi said and put his hand up to silence Kevin from defending himself. "I know you didn't cause it, but you know she's ill and she's suffering and you just had to stress her a bit more."

Kevin gulped as the guilt consumed him. He couldn't stop the feeling sweeping through him.

"I gave you my blessing all those years ago with one stipulation," Rossi reminded him. "I told you to never hurt her, to never make her sad and I thought that after nearly four years you had that down to fine art and ever since she got diagnosed you have lost all my respect. Every last bit of it."

"It's not easy to hear someone you love has cancer!" Kevin fought back loudly. "I caved under the pressure and she's happy with Morgan in a way I could never make her."

"We all love her. Jesus, Lynch, she's like a daughter to me, but I now have to watch her lay in a hospital bed worrying about her new prognosis on top of the cancer and the fact that she overheard that she might be shipped out. She's never looked so unhappy. She had faith in you to look after her, and she loved you with everything, which was why she offered you the get out clause, but you refused and you broke your promise."

"I know," Kevin whimpered pathetically.

"Derek had to fill in for you when you couldn't brave a hospital, one of the places that has some terrible memories for Penelope and he loved her when she lost you and for the additional payment, you made her feel like she was burden." He saw Kevin's eyes wash with guilt, but didn't feel the want to stop his triad. "She will never be a burden, and this process is bad enough for her, and if you aren't going to help make it better then I don't want you around her at all. When it comes to you, Kevin, I'll be calling the shots."

"I really am sorry, but I can't do much more than that," Kevin announced, and he went to speak, but again Rossi cut him off.

"I'll tell you this now, as of today, she won't have much opportunity to be on her own so if you want to see her, you have to deal with us too. I mean that, Kevin, you will practically be jumping through hoops to get our approval. Mine especially, because I don't trust you one bit," Rossi warned him and then slapped his hand on Kevin's shoulder and smiled. "I'll see you around, Lynch. I'm going back to Penelope. Play nice from now on. Next time I won't bother to stop Derek."

Kevin didn't chance to speak, he just watched as Rossi left him standing in the doorway of his family.

Rossi looked back at Kevin as he stood in the doorway to his home and then got into his car to follow Derek back to the hospital.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It had been a while since Derek and Rossi had left, and Fran had instinctively gotten onto the bed to offer Penelope the comfort she was craving. In true mother form, Fran held Penelope how only mother could and she kept her calm whilst she worried about Derek going AWOL.

Penelope rested her head onto Fran's chest as Fran held her close and sighed to best of her ability, "You do not know how happy I was when you turned up, Fran. I know I never told you that, but I was."

"I really wished you had called sooner," Fran commented back. "I don't see it as dropping my life for you when I love you as if you were own. You're a daughter to me, Penelope; I said that from the first time I met you. I would have come here in a heartbeat to look after you."

"I know," Penelope murmured softly, "I just hated to be the one that everyone was slowing their life down when I didn't want to slow down as it was. I guess I was in denial a bit, even though I didn't get to go to work and I'm ill every single day. I should've come to terms with this ages ago and allowed important in."

"You let us in now," Fran calmed her woes softly. "You just do as you're told, and let us do the worrying so we can focus on getting you better."

Penelope nodded, "I think I can do that," Penelope sighed as she admitted that. "I can't wait to marry him," Penelope admitted, and Fran could tell she Penelope was smiling at the thought. "I never thought it would come true and when I was diagnosed I kinder told myself it would never happen."

"These types of predicaments show you who really loves you and who never really did," Fran told Penelope softly and then heard Penelope try to repress a sob. "Penelope, what's wrong?"

Wiping her eyes, Penelope pulled away enough to look up at Fran, "That's what Fiona told me." Penelope could see the recognition ignite across Fran's face. "She knew Derek was in love with me, and that I loved him, and she told me that getting cancer makes or breaks relationships."

"She wasn't wrong," Fran started gently, "She might have lived it, but I'm sure she wasn't the only one to say it was she?"

"No," Penelope admitted as her exhaustion climbed in magnitude. "I remember on the first night after chemo, I was really ill and Derek called me the moment he heard I was ill. Didn't matter that it was 2am, he still rang and kept me company whilst Kevin slept. Earlier that day I watched Fiona leave with her husband and I just, I remember wishing that I had that and it wasn't until that moment Derek rang me that I realised I might not have been married to him, or in a relationship, but I had Derek by side twenty four seven."

"You know that I was once told that everything happens for a reason," Fran retorted Penelope's own life lesson at her. She didn't want her to doubt everything when she lived by that saying. Right now, in life, it was true and it was happening. Everything that was happening was happening for a reason.

"I know," Penelope whispered as she started to fall asleep.

"You okay?" Fran asked as Penelope started to go silent on her.

"I'm just really tired," Penelope answered as she began to drift off. "I hope Derek's here when I wake up."

"He will be," Fran told her confidently. She knew her son would be back soon if Rossi had anything to do about it. "You just rest, Penelope."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek said nothing as Rossi practically frog marched him into the room and sat him down. He didn't even look to his mom, nor did he look at Penelope's sleeping form. He knew immediately that they both knew what he had done, and for a moment, he was feeling the shame he had brought.

As he looked at her, Derek realised that not much had changed. Penelope was still on oxygen, she was still hooked up to a heart monitor, and she still looked as restless as ever. He wanted to talk to her about Kevin, but he didn't want her to get worked up over it, especially when she had told him Kevin wasn't worth it.

Running a hand over his face, Derek tore his attention away, "Is she okay?" He asked tiredly as he sat down in the seat by the bedside. "I didn't intend to be long."

"She's doing just fine," Fran told them as she sat up in her seat. "They found out that she's severely anaemic as well," Fran told them both as Penelope began to sleep again. "So she's just tired from that and the antibiotics to help with her lungs."

Derek looked at Penelope's hand in his, "Anaemic as well?"

"It's a side effect of chemotherapy that's all. Her blood work came back just after you left and neither of you were picking up your phones," She told them, issuing them a stern gaze. "They're putting the chemo on hold a week," Fran applied the final nail in this medical coffin. "Penelope's worried about that now."

Rossi furrowed his brow, "She does know that it's better her for her, doesn't she?" He asked as he remained standing at the foot of her bed.

"She's scared that it's going to compromise her chances," Fran said and looked at Penelope, who even in sleep didn't look completely relaxed. "That pushing it back a bit is going to be the one thing that causes the cancer to do its worse."

"She does know that they would only postpone it to help her right?" Derek asked as he looked up away from Penelope. "I mean, they would right?"

Fran nodded, "They don't want to compromise her health anymore than it is right now." She saw Derek's face deem with worry, "They said they might keep her admitted and give her it whilst she's in here so they can monitor, but they want to see how she does over the next few days."

"How is she really?" Derek asked, not just meaning Penelope's physical health.

"She's doing okay," Was all Fran could answer, "You will never know how grateful and how in love she is with her."

Derek smiled brightly; just knowing that his mom understood how much he was loved verified everything he was feeling. "Believe me, I know and I'm going to make sure that when she's out we have a wedding forming," Derek said as he rubbed his palms together in glee. He watched Rossi and his mom's gaze set on him and he just had to smile. "At the end of the day, she's put up with too much shit, and I promised to make every day amazing. Right now, with her in here, the only thing I do is promise her something amazing."

"Derek, you're going to need to wait until she gets some strength back," Fran warned her son. "She's going to want to do her best when she marries you, but if she's like this, she's going to be too weak to do it."

"I know, but I will make it happen," Derek admitted, he had a vision in his mind – Penelope as his wife – and the vision would come true before the year was out. "I have a plan."

"You have a plan?" Rossi asked Derek as he put his hands on the footboard of the bed.

Looking up with deadest certainty, Derek spoke one idea he had been toying with, "I'm getting her brothers here."

"Wow, you're definitely in for life?" Rossi asked, not expecting any other response than what Derek had made quite apparent at Kevin's house.

Derek nodded, "I'm here for life," Derek vowed, because he was. He looked to Penelope, "She's who my life is with and I plan to make it happen."

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	14. Putting The Plan Together

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_You lot are going to hate me soon for the massive gaps between updates! I am so sorry! I just hope what's in them more than makes up for it =) Thank you for sticking with me, and thank you for the reviews, alerts and favourites =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was later that night Derek had finally been made to leave Penelope to sleep that he had gathered everyone to help him get a plan ready to make Penelope's dream wedding come true. He had plans upon plans coming to life in his mind, but he wanted ways to make them a reality.

"We need to plan it so that she's at her peak," Derek commented as he sat listing out everything that he had to plan. "She's not going to have a great day if she's nauseous and sleeping all day is she?"

"Well we can do it on the Sunday before her new round of chemo. She usually starts to pick up then," JJ commented as they all thought about logistics.

Rossi put his hands to the table top and leaned in, "Are we even taking into account her new health state? I mean, she's going to be weaker from this alone. I just worry we're going to tire her out more."

"We do it on Penelope's okay," Derek told them, "I don't want her pressured or worn out. I just want her happy."

Fran put her hand on her son's, "We know that, we're all just as worried about Penelope's health as you are." She told her son comfortingly, "You just need to realise that we're all going to be thinking of that above anything."

"I just want to marry her," Derek said and dipped his head as his hand coursed over it. "I just want her happy and completely loved."

"Oh she knows," Emily commented as her and JJ exchanged looks of adoration. "She wants to marry you as much as anyone, even if she puts up obstacles like hurting you and your career. She does know, Derek."

Sensing the young agents concerns bubbling, especially in the wake of being separated from Penelope, Rossi spoke up, "What else have we got to do?"

"Right now, the main things I need to sort are a tux and a dress for Pen to wear," Derek wrote out and underlined to show the importance of that point on his to do list. He couldn't deny that his emotions were wearing his energy thin tonight and knowing Penelope was alone in the hospital wasn't doing wonders on his nerves.

"Oh no, Morgan," Emily stepped in, "You get _no_ say in a dress."

Derek gawped at that, "Excuse me?" He asked as he realised that he wasn't capable of arranging everything.

"You're sorting it all, the altar, the marriage licence, decorations, the food, the drink, the music, who's doing what. Let us sort her dress for her."

Yawning, Derek nodded as he agreed and looked at list, "I feel like I'm missing so much out."

"Derek, I think it's time you headed to bed and come back to this fresh in the morning," Fran worried as she watched her son's energies deplete wholly. "I know you want to plan this now, but Penelope needs you to be back with her in the morning. We have a list now; we just need to start looking into it.

"There's one more thing I want to get done," Derek said as he looked at everyone. "I need her brothers' numbers," Derek said as he finally gave up for the night. "I am making sure they will be there for her day." He then said good night and headed off for a shower, not quite ready to fall into an empty bed.

Watching him go, Rossi looked to JJ proudly, and then up t Fran, "I think he's going to do just fine with keeping her happy."

"And I'm guessing we keep it a secret to make her day more magical," JJ said and leaned in for a kiss. She was feeling the magic already building in making something for Penelope.

"I don't know if that's the plan, but I think we need to make it part of it," Emily commented and grabbed the list to add to it.

They were all out to make this an amazing memory for Penelope to hold in one of the biggest battles of her life.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope slowly opened her eyes, aware that it was still early morning and she closed her eyes again with a wave of tiredness. She felt exhausted and she was sure all she had done in since the day before was sleep, sleep and sleep. All she could was lay awake as the exhaustion wasn't enough to make her sleep properly, but knowing full well it was way too early all she wanted to know was when she could go home.

Pushing herself up a little, she looked around for her scarf; because she wasn't at home she had kept it on, worried about receiving the pitying look off of the nurses if she didn't keep it on and she knew that come morning it wouldn't be on her head. With the team and Fran, it was easy to take it off, but with strangers she was sure she would get the look that reminded her of her current health.

Seeing it on the floor, she tried her best to move to get off of the bed, but she had next to no energy. Her determination was clearly going to kill her one day she was sure of that.

"I've got it, Baby," Derek stopped her and rushed in to grab the scarf off of the floor and then promptly untied it and tied it up on Penelope's head securely. "You okay?" He asked as he helped her lay back down.

"Just tired," She managed as she had lay back down. "Like really, really tired," She told him as he pulled her blanket over her shoulders and then moved the sheets up to cover her, "Ready to be home."

"I bet," Derek said as he sat on the bed with her, "The bed's lonely without you." He watched her smile as he said that, "So I'm hoping it's not long before you're back with me in it."

"You can kidnap me and cover your tracks, Handsome," Penelope joked and saw Fran and Rossi walk into the room. "Don't you have work?" Penelope asked Rossi and then looked at Derek, "And you? I don't want Strauss to win."

"Kitten, Strauss is my issue," Rossi told Penelope with defiance. "So will you rest up and enjoy our company before the others come by at lunch time?"

Penelope smiled as she heard his fighting talk, "I think I can do that." She couldn't withhold the smile that stuck to her lips as everyone sat around for her, making sure she was okay and comfortable. As much as she wanted to be independent, they didn't so much as take it from her, but allowed her to know that they had no problem with fitting in with what she wanted.

So she lay in the same spot, and they came and sat on the side she was facing, all doing what they did best – keeping her spirits high. How could she be sad when half of her support system was able to keep her so happy? Simple, she couldn't and she didn't want to.

Penelope hadn't even moved from her spot when the doctor came in with an optimistic look on his face. She had no energy to move and she didn't want to. After all, Derek had tucked her in perfectly and she wasn't ready to move and lose the perfectly warm spot.

"We've decided that we're going to try you out on chemo today and then monitor you for the next couple of days and if all is well then we'll discharge you with antibiotics and extra rest," The doctor told them confidently. "We saw how distressed you got with the idea of postponing and after reviewing your chart, I want to try your normal dose on your normal day so you don't break routine. It seems the antibiotics we started you on yesterday have started to clear your chest and you're resting like we wanted so I'm optimistic about everything going more than okay."

"When's the chemo going to be?" Derek asked cautiously, wanting to know what he needed to do.

The doctor looked at his watch, "I'd say about midday so we can get wrapped before late this afternoon and Penelope can get as much as rest as possible. We'll dose you up, Penelope, to try to and reduce the side effects, but there's not a lot we can do when we cannot pinpoint what effects you have until you have them."

"You're telling me," Penelope joked and then smiled, "I'm ready for whatever, whenever with this."

Derek looked at her, "That's confidence if ever I saw it, Baby Girl." He hadn't seen her this lively all morning, now with the prospect of her chemo not being pushed back, she seemed more than settled.

"I expect side effects nowadays, Handsome," Penelope admitted and still she didn't lose her smile. "It's almost second nature now."

"Like I said, we're going to help as much as we can, so this might be the best chemo session you have," The doctor joked and saw Penelope laughed. "With you being admitted, we can help make you even more comfortable especially with your lungs so this might be more bearable. I see no problem with you being discharged in a few days," He told them with a smile. "We're just being precautious here." He shot her one last shot of confidence, "I'm going to arrange this for you, and then we'll get the ball rolling.

Watching Penelope the entire time, Fran smiled. "It's good to see you happier, you're no more behind than you would have been," Fran said with ease as she saw Penelope relax at that thought.

Derek didn't say a word, he was happy with the lift in Penelope and he was happy to know that he wouldn't be without her in their home for much longer. And the most important thought on his mind was that in two more days, he could really start piecing together her dream wedding.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek knew that the ladies that spent all of the past months of chemo together deserved to know that Penelope wasn't going to make it for their usual sit around and chat. Penelope had even asked him to go and tell them because she felt she was missing out on her weekly session by being stuck in a hospital bed.

He didn't leave until after she was set up with her newest dose of chemo and even then he rushed to navigate his way through the hospital so he could do what Penelope wanted and then go back and laze around with her whilst the chemo session went past.

"Hey ladies," Derek said as he swarmed into the room with his normal level of swagger. He saw Katy and Jessica look up at him, their conversation ending.

"Well look who finally shows up," Jessica teased and looked around him, "Now where's my Penelope? I'm missing her and she's late." Jessica then pouted playfully at Derek.

"That's why I'm here," He began and saw their worry ignite, "Penelope was admitted yesterday morning for fluid on the lungs so she won't be here today. They're giving her, her chemo upstairs so they can monitor her."

"Is she okay?" Jessica asked as she sat up feeling rather panicky, "I mean, you know what I mean," She rambled.

"She's in good spirits, but what else would you expect?" Derek asked them casually, showing them that all was under control, but he could tell that wasn't appeasing their appetite to know. "She's comfortable, but yesterday was not a good day."

"What did you do?" Katy asked Derek and gave him a stern look.

Derek gawped, but he knew this women had his number. She was like Penelope, she knew his character the moment he walked into the room – he found it strangely comforting. "I went after Kevin," He saw their shock and knew they needed justification, "He helped put her in here. The asshole left bruises on her arms after telling her she was getting karma for _his_ mistreatment and I went crazy."

"And I bet Penelope went crazy over that?" Katy asked him with a knowing look. "Tell her we're coming up after our session to see her."

Derek liked the group of girls that Penelope had met. It didn't matter that they were all in the same predicament, sharing similar responses to the chemo; they all had time for one another. He just wished Fiona was here to experience here as well.

"She's really tired so she might be asleep, but I reckon she would love to see you all," Derek told them and saw them all smile and agree with that they would go up and see her.

"You get back to my girl and look after her," Jessica warned him playfully. "If you don't I will find some energy to kick your ass myself." She added on the sweetest smile possible to end that comment.

"I'm going," He told them as he put his hands up in mock defeat and turned to leave. "Oh!" Derek smirked as he turned back, "Keep your phones on you, I'll be sending you through the details of mine and Penelope's wedding soon." He knew left completely, leaving them with their own shock.

"Oh, she deserves him," Jessica swooned as she watched him leave. "More than deserves the good guy."

He left them with a smile.

Going back, Derek saw Penelope was now sitting up, wrapped completely with her blanket how she did at home when they were watching movies and he saw her finishing an ice lolly and looking settled. She looked up at him and smiled. She had Rossi to her left and Fran to her right, a chair left for him to sit on, but he ignored it.

"Rossi, Man, move along one. I've got my seat," Derek said and then kicked his boots off so he could climb onto the bed, under the sheets and pull Penelope close to his body.

"Mmm," Penelope mumbled, "This is nice."

All Derek responded with was to kiss the top of her head and settle down even more with her.

Ironically, this was Penelope's favourite chemo session. Here she was, not even an hour in and she was curled up with Derek, her favourite blanket wrapped around her body, Derek keeping her close to his body whilst he watched TV and she still had Fran and Rossi by her side. And she still had three hours left. This was her very own momentary heaven.

"You okay, Baby?" Derek asked, stealing his conversation away from the TV screen.

Penelope nodded, "I just wish I got to go home after this. It will be better than staying here."

"You just wait for us to get you home," Derek told her and kissed her, "Then you won't know what's hit you. You just gotta hold out, Baby."

"What are you planning?" Penelope asked quizzically. Ironically, her curiosity had miraculously awakened her.

"Nothing," He told her and smirked as he settled back down, ignoring Penelope's whining to find out. "Nothing that you won't find out about sooner or later, Baby."

Penelope guessed that was the best she was going to get.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	15. A Fatherly Push

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Oh a quicker update on this makes me a happy writer... and hopefully makes you happy readers ;) I hope you enjoy! Thank you for the support on this!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was a couple of days later, that Penelope was welcoming some sense of normalcy back. She lavished this feel and she was amazed at how much support her Italian Stallion offer her. She knew he was supportive, but this, him walking with her as she took Clooney for a walk was a nice surprise.

"So how's my Jayje bird doing?" Penelope asked as she leaned more into Rossi as they walked. "She seems happier."

"I know how to keep a woman happy, Penelope," Rossi joked back and smiled the same goofy smile Derek got when he was thinking about Penelope. "I love her, I really do. It just happened, but I think I've finally met the woman that understands me."

"It just took you how many years?" Penelope joked.

Rossi laughed, "I could say the same for you and Derek as well. Here we are, nearly eight years on and now you're finally engaged. If I was that man I would have snapped you up almost instantly. No questions asked. That man knew exactly what he wanted from you, but he never went for it."

"Well," Penelope started, "It's a good thing he came to his senses and made right on what destiny wrote for us." She smirked as Rossi looked down at her. "I really never expected this to be happening now. I mean falling in love. I told Derek that, I mean I'm the cancer chick."

"Erm no," Rossi said defiantly. "I don't think so. You're Penelope."

Penelope smiled brightly at that, "That's what Derek told me."

"Boy does have sense." He commented impressed with Derek being able to do it right when he was on the right track.

Silence took over, Penelope feeling ease that her family really didn't look at her and see the cancer that was riddling her body, but rather the Penelope that had always been. She was satisfied by that. She looked at the houses, and the life that went on, life never stopped and even though her life seemed to be on slow motion for her, she certainly wasn't ready to see it stop. "Oh my." She gasped all of a sudden as something caught her eye.

"What's up Penelope?" Rossi asked as they stopped all of a sudden and Penelope looked up at the house up for sale to their right dreamily.

"I always wanted this house," Penelope sighed heavily. "No point looking now. I barely have the strength to make it through a day, let alone dream about a house that will never be mine."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Rossi asked her, "I mean, you and Derek need a dream house."

"I guess," Penelope murmured. "What's the point? We have Derek's place."

"It's not _yours_," Rossi told her back, stating the obvious. "You both deserve a place that is something you made together."

"I suppose," Penelope mumbled nonchalantly and then continued to walk with Clooney, letting Rossi's hold go.

Rossi caught up, making her arm link his again for support and guided her to a nearby bench. "Has something happened that I should know about, Penelope?"

Stopping again, Penelope looked up at Rossi. "I heard one of the doctors say that my prognosis wasn't getting _that _much better," Penelope admitted to her friend and looked him dead in the eyes. "When they did tests to see what was wrong with me the other day they found that apparently the cancer hasn't had a dramatic change since I started the chemo. They didn't say that it had made no change, or that it had spread."

"Oh, Kitten," Rossi started and looked at Penelope as she tried to stay strong. "Why wouldn't they tell you that?"

"Because with my check up in three weeks they wanted to see if the last bit of chemo would work before they tried anything else. They want to be hopeful I guess," Penelope shrugged and shuddered as she tried to suppress a sob. "How do I tell Derek, Dave?" Penelope asked and started to break down. "How do I tell the man I love that I'm scared he's going to marry me to lose me? If I do that, this becomes even more real and all I'm going to see is me losing him. I don't want to lose him, Dave. I don't want to make him sad – _ever_."

"You never could," Rossi told her honestly and reached up to wipe her tears as he cupped her face. "Whatever we have to face up to in the upcoming weeks, months, whatever, we will and we'll do it as a family."

"You've seen him react," Penelope started. "With Kevin, I know he went for him. I know how much he loves me because I know he would hurt for me. _God._ Ironically, I'm living my dream come true whilst living in a nightmare and on the one hand I want to wake up, and on the other I don't."

"This isn't about dreams and reality," Rossi started and Penelope looked at him."Fall, Penelope. Derek will catch you whatever and I know you're scared to do so, but just fall and allow us to give you the strength you're losing. So what if the doctors know that the chemo's not working, you don't lose your fighting spirit now. Don't you dare start to think that this is the end. We have a whole list of other options that will work if chemotherapy isn't going to do the job and I will make sure that whatever, money is no option."

"Rossi," Penelope stopped him, her eyes watering. "I don't expect you to do that. I'm not family. I'm just Penelope."

"Penelope, I have a family that aren't blood related and you, I pretty much admire you like the daughter I never had. Now please don't argue with me over this. I just want you to realise that all you need to worry about is getting better, Penelope. Can you do that for me?"

"Dave," Penelope whispered choked as the tears fell.

"Can you do that for me, Penelope?" He repeated at her. His tone was exactly like that of a doting father – stern and loving. He watched her nod and then he smiled. "Kitten, we're not leaving you in any part of this – physical, mental, financial. We're a team right to the heart and I won't see it change."

"I guess I'm just scared at what's ahead. I mean being kept in the dark over my own health is one thing, but not knowing what is going to happen. My only other option is surgery and there are so many complications, Dave. I've been told that already. I just worry about the strain on Derek if something happens."

"Don't doubt him," Rossi defied her sharply. "Derek will be with you the entire time and if he feels the strain, he will tell you. Just keep your faith in him alive. He is more than your soul mate, Penelope. That man is you're other half and he will never abandon you to fight anything alone. Never and especially after this."

Penelope smiled wistfully at that connation. "I remember when the doctor told me I had cancer," Penelope said as she looked out on the world passing them by. "I only wanted Derek. I didn't want to face anyone else, but Derek. I just knew, like really knew, that if I told him then I would know how to fight this the best I could."

"That man is your best source of sanity and don't you ever forget that," Rossi responded and saw her agree with him in the expression of a bright smile. "He always has your best interests at heart and even now he still has."

As he said that, Penelope looked up. "He's arranging the wedding isn't he?" Penelope asked calmly and she looked at Rossi with a new expression. Like she had finally banished the darkness from her soul by telling someone what she had heard. "You can tell me, David Rossi. I won't tell a soul."

"You promise me?" Rossi told her, he knew to trust her, but he was all for making her happy right now. _God, he sounded like her father!_ Not that he would hate to have Penelope as a daughter, but he didn't want to feel older than he did.

"I promise," She vowed, even she couldn't rid the teasing grin, leaving no time for Rossi to debate his _true _age. Penelope had heard Derek and his mom discussing it at the hospital. It seemed all she was good for whilst trapped there.

"Well then," Rossi said standing up, taking Clooney's lead and putting his hand out, "You've got a wedding to look forward to."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope danced her way into the room with a massive smile on her face. If she was going to get married, she wasn't doing it all entirely bald. Wigs were going to be her friend and out of the abundance she had and had bought she was going to find one that she loved and rocked.

After all, she wanted to look like her for _her _wedding photos.

"Okay, short blonde?" Penelope asked as she walked in with a wig on, "Or short brown?" She asked holding it. "Or there's long blonde, long black, long pink, long purple. There's curly and cute. There's real long and slick. There's everything."

"How about this PG?" Emily asked as she threw Penelope a brown bag.

Penelope bit her lip as she looked at the wig. She said nothing as she went over to the mirror in the hallway and took off the short blonde wig and put the blonde curly one that she had worn to hide her red hair over a year ago. Looking up, she smiled, she looked like her.

Going back in, she smiled brightly, "How about this?" She was met with stunned silence and she laughed, "Is this a good or bad reaction?"

Standing, Derek went over to Penelope, his smile only magnifying, "Oh it's good." He commented and watched her blush lightly. "You look absolutely beautiful," Derek told Penelope as he took her in his arms and went to kiss her passionately.

"Watch out," Penelope halted as he went to push her back to kiss her romantically. "My back is killing me, Handsome. Tilting me backwards probably wouldn't be wise right now."

"Taken anything?" He asked her and she nodded. "Then they need to kick in because you can't be in pain."

"Mental block," Penelope joked with him. "You know me. My mental clogs are always churning double time, Handsome. A person's mentality is way stronger than any medication." She continued to joke and watched as he tried to work out what exactly she was getting out, but she couldn't tell him outright.

"Tell him, Penelope," Rossi called out to them from his seat. He was watching her inner battle, and he wasn't going to let it continue. "Tell all of us."

"What?" Derek prompted looking from Rossi to Penelope, only to look back.

Penelope feared this moment. Getting out of Derek's arms, Penelope wrung her hands. "Erm, I heard something the other night, that I'm guessing I shouldn't. I mean I'm hearing a lot of stuff I shouldn't be hearing."

"Penelope," Rossi said with a warning tone.

Swallowing hard, Penelope continued, "The doctors seem to think the chemo isn't working as effectively as they want it to."

"You're only telling me this now? They can't get away with keeping us in the dark over something that is so crucial to your health! They can't just not tell us," Derek's tone was heated immediately, heated with fear and rage at this news. "And you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want to see you get like this," Penelope fought back with a weaker tone than Derek.

"They're liabilities, Penelope. You should have told me so that we could have found this out days ago. We would have gotten you seen to properly. We could have gotten your check up moved forward, something, anything! However those doctors are liabilities and need to be shown that!"

"They're not liabilities," Penelope defended the doctors. "They wanted to give until my check up before ruling out what's happening. Derek, it's fine, really." Penelope didn't want to beg him to believe her that she was holding out on the hope that they were wrong. "We'll find out in just over two weeks and then we'll know what we're up again. It's fine, we'll sort it."

"No," Derek said heatedly. "I am not having them talk loud enough that you know, but won't tell you to your face what we are dealing with. Hospitals' aren't supposed to work like that! They're supposed to keep their patients health in the front of their mind. If they know something that we don't then they should keep us posted! We have every right to be!"

"Derek!" Penelope stopped him, "One thing at a time, Handsome!" She shouted as she tried to calm down, "I was ill, that was why I was there, not for cancer treatment, but fluid on my lungs. That was their priority. Now chemo is my importance and then we look at what my chances are at the check up. Then we know what we're up against."

"What if this ruins your chances?" He asked as he finally broke. "What if this is it? I can't let it be this Penelope. I can't. I just can't accept that after all of these weeks this is it." Derek rubbed his forehead in sheer frustration, "I cannot accept that those doctors are right. They can't be! They don't discuss matters like that and put you on hold! They don't fucking do that!"

Rossi pushed a kiss to JJ's temple before leaving her and going over to Penelope and Derek. "You two," He broke the moment and saw the fear in both of their eyes. He had opened this can of worms to stop any secret keeping beginning between and now he was closing it. "Don't start to argue. Derek she told you something that is scaring her so why don't you just admit to her what's scaring you. This is only going to hold you both back."

Looking away from Rossi, Derek looked at Penelope and felt his admittance burning his tongue. Rossi was right and Penelope needed to know how deep their love was in his system all over again. "I just love you so much, Penelope. The thought of all of this, the cancer, the prospect of losing you scares me too much. It took me too long to find a girl that I couldn't imagine living without and now I feel like I'm fighting some invisible force to keep you."

"You're gonna keep me, Handsome," Penelope whispered to him as she sniffled a little. "If I've got anything to say about it, and boy do I, then I am not going anywhere for a very long time." Penelope told him and allowed Derek to pull her close to his body. "There are some things that I want to happen before it's too late."

"Like what?" Derek asked, feigning an oblivious nature.

Biting her lip, Penelope looked at him seriously, "Marrying you, Derek."

Smiling brightly, Derek felt like he was winning at something again, "One week, Penelope, one week and you will be marrying me," He let her in on his secret and watched her eyes brighten up with the idea.

"I have to wait _that_ long?" Penelope pouted at him as he held her.

"Silly Girl," He said and kissed her before pulling back enough to look her in the eyes. "This time next week you will Penelope _Morgan_."

"I can't wait," Penelope told him and put her arms around his neck to kiss him again.

She called it practice for their first married kiss.

Everyone else called it showing off true love.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	16. Day Before Perfection

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I'm getting some mojo back with this so I'm hoping sooner updates... Hoping being the operative word here! My muse is indecisive lately! Hope you enjoy, and thank you for all the reviews =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

JJ, Emily and Derek's mom and sisters were all lounging around the Friday before the wedding. It was their improvisation for Penelope's bachelorette party whilst the guys went and partied – per Penelope's request. The night had started out with games and music, but quickly changed.

"I'm sorry, guys," Penelope told them slightly ashamed. It was supposed to be her bachelorette party and here she was ill. She felt miserable and as much as she wanted Derek, she wasn't going to ruin his night as well.

"Be quiet, Garcie," JJ told Penelope as they sat around watching their third film. They could see how incredibly sorry she was, but none of them, and JJ knew she meant none of them when she said this, cared in the slightest how they spent this evening as long as Penelope was having fun regardless.

"We have one stipulation however," Desiree, Derek's sister said as she sat forward in the armchair.

Penelope looked from her to everyone else as they all sat with the same look, "What?"

"Just make sure you're better for Sunday and there'll be no problem, PG," Emily told her with stern power before laughing at Penelope's stricken look. "I'm joking," She told her friend, "Well I'm not, but you know what I mean."

"Oh, believe me, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that will stop me from marrying Derek Morgan on Sunday," Penelope replied and couldn't repress the smile she got when she thought about what the next couple of days held.

"Well I guess for now," Derek's other sister, Sarah, started as she sat down next to Penelope, "We sit and enjoy a girls' night in."

Penelope couldn't deny she loved all these women. If she was up for partying, they would have done that, but now she wasn't, and they had started off with the fun and games they had toned it down the moment that Penelope felt sicker. They looked after her, and kept her spirits high even when she thought they were and to top it all, they never complained. They all just enjoyed their evening.

It was later, as JJ and Emily slept around with in living room, Derek's sisters now back at the hotel that Penelope lifted the heat pack from her forehead as she saw Derek stumble in with Reid, both singing merrily. She admired Fran's quickness to get her something hot to ease the pain and it was working wonders, but now she was back to trying to focus the pain was tenfold again.

"How much have you drunk?" Penelope asked as Derek stumbled towards her, his leg smashing against the coffee table and he quickly dropped to his knees in front of her, leaning in, his eyes heavy with alcohol and romance.

"Only a 'ittle bi'," Derek told her and put his fingers up to show how little.

"Uh huh," Penelope managed as she pushed herself up.

"I looove youu Peee-neeell-ooopee," Derek smooched drunkenly. "I knoow I tell youuu dat, Buby Gurl, burt I mean iiit." He slurred, he shook his head as Penelope laughed at him. "Sundayyy is our dayyy," He hiccupped then, "And youuu bett-r be readee for what I 'ave planned."

Penelope went to speak, but the moment Derek got close enough, his breath heavy with his alcoholic intake, Penelope bolted from her spot. She had to guess it were her nerves that were keeping the side effects rife in her body because right now she felt miserable and for once she couldn't have Derek near her. The smell of alcohol was churning her stomach more so than it was already. That mingling with the intense migraine she had was only a recipe for disaster.

Pushing Derek away, Penelope bolted for the downstairs toilet as she felt her body begin to retch all over again. She heard Derek call her name, but she was clouded by the pain in her head and she was in no way able to deal with a drunken Derek.

Derek went to go to Penelope, stumbling as he went, he was determined to make it there and soothe her like he was a pro at.

"Derek go sober up," Fran said blocking her son's way to the door. "She's feeling really ill and I don't think you'd be helping her in this state."

"Course I would," Derek hiccupped, "I lov' 'er, Ma."

"And you're drunk," Fran stated the obvious to her son. "I started a pot of coffee, you go and drink that and I'll look after Penelope."

Derek leaned against the wall, "Is she oka'?" He asked as all he could was hear Penelope's stomach retch as she threw up behind the closed door.

Listening, Penelope heard Fran give it to Derek straight, and even when Derek went for the kitchen, calling Reid to go with him to sober up, Fran entered the room to see Penelope even more weakened than she already was.

"C'mon you, bedroom bathroom floor or bed, but you are not sleeping down here," Fran told Penelope and helped her daughter up off of the floor and took her upstairs.

It wasn't long before Penelope went for the bathroom, and in her exhausted haze she heard Derek come into the bedroom and fall onto the bed. Penelope had fallen asleep alone in the bathroom, but when she woke up Derek was right there with her, holding her close to his body and she now knew why she had slept the entire night settled even for being on the tiled floor of Derek's bathroom.

Sitting up, Penelope sat against the wall and saw Fran coming into the bedroom obviously to check on the pair.

"Here," She said as she stood in the doorway and passed over a bottle of water. "How you feeling?"

"Weak," Penelope huffed a laugh at the irony. "The one week I don't need to get like this, I do."

Fran smiled, "You're nervous," She pointed out understandingly. "It's perfectly normal especially with the chemo. Now do you want food?"

Shaking her head, Penelope looked to Derek, "But he'll probably need something."

"Good point," Fran laughed, "I'll do you extras just in case." Fran went to leave, but turned back, "The girls are on their way back here, but you do things at your pace and we'll sort everything. We need you to be at your best tomorrow regardless."

Penelope wasn't given a chance to argue back, Fran flashed her a smirk and left entirely so Penelope was left to gain enough energy to move, or to just sit and await her sleeping prince to wake. She decided to go with the latter. It was long before she sat watching his eyes open, Penelope smirked as she heard him swear and his hand went to his head, "How you feeling, Stud?" Penelope asked as she sat slumped against the corner that joined the bath to the wall.

"I'm so hungover," He admitted with a groan as he sat up. "What about you? I'm sorry I wasn't here to look after you, Baby."

"You went out and had fun, that means more to me right now," Penelope told him and smiled as she sipped from the bottle of water that Fran had brought in for her earlier. "I've missed drunken Derek."

"How much did I drink?" Derek asked as he sat up a little, his head intensifying with its hangover.

Smiling at him, albeit weakly, she still couldn't stop her amusement from showing, "_I looove youu Peee-neeell-ooopee_." She mimicked and watched his horror, making her laugh. "It was very, erm, cute."

"Oh God," He said falling flat onto is back once more, his memories coming back, "I made you run for the bathroom, Pen. That isn't cute."

"I had a migraine, Handsome," She soothed him, her tone still holding its giggle. "I had been running back and forth from the bathroom all night. It really wasn't you."

"Let me make up it now," Derek said as he came towards her.

Penelope instantly pushed his face away, "Brush your teeth, handsome. Normal liquor didn't sit right with me, stale liquor definitely isn't." She watched him pull sad, apologetic face and she giggled, "Brush your teeth and come back for more," Penelope told him and had to laugh as he bolted for the sink.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Get out of here, Penelope!" Sarah said as she pulled Penelope away from the sink full up of dirty glasses. With so many people in and out of the house, they decided washing up was a good idea to make sure they could offer drinks, but it seemed with Penelope's drive for independency using the dish washer might have been the better option.

"Just let me help," Penelope groaned as she went to the tea towel to help wash up the glasses. "I am not incapable."

"You spent most of last night throwing up, PG," Emily reminded her, "And from what I heard; you spent all night in the bathroom."

"With Derek," Desiree dropped in and sighed hopelessly. "How can I find a guy that's going to do that for me?"

"Marry your brother?" Penelope quipped as she made a wipe of the towel again, but Emily held it away from her. They all dissolved into laughter making the men come into the kitchen to inspect what the noise was all about.

"I thought it was too early to open the champagne and get drunk," Rossi joked as he watched the women laugh away. They all looked laughed harder as Derek came into view and he watched as Penelope calmed a little.

"It's a beautiful day outside, Mr Rossi," Penelope said as she calmed and looked to him. "We need to celebrate that."

Derek shot her a look, "And what is tomorrow? Just another day, Baby?"

"Yuhar," Penelope told him with a grin full of tease.

Putting her arm around Penelope's shoulder, Emily looked to her friend and smirked, "Now are you going to sit down, or do I need to use the male force that's now in the house?"

Hearing the door, the conversation was forgotten for the moment. "Dress is here!" Fran said as she came through the door.

"No," Penelope chirped back.

JJ came into the room, "It's going straight upstairs," JJ said as he came into the room. She went over to Rossi, allowing him to kiss her hello before she turned serious. "Keep him detained," JJ warned Rossi and Hotch as she pointed at Derek and then winked at Rossi as she dragged Penelope out of the kitchen and in the direction of the stairs.

Walking into the bedroom, all the women rushed in and Sarah shut and locked the door just to be safe that Derek wasn't going to come in for a sneak peak. They all watched expectantly as Fran unzipped the cover and revealed the white material of the dress.

"Oh my," Penelope commented as she reached for the dress. Feeling her eyes water she dropped her hand in disbelief that this was her dress. She looked around to everyone, all of the women in the room had had a hand in helping find this one of a kind dress and Penelope was in awe.

JJ came up behind Penelope, "You shall go to ball," She teased her best friend and hugged her a little. "Try it on!" JJ chimed as she wanted this moment to happen now and not later, her mood went from delicate to excited in almost a nanosecond. "Try it on now, Garcie."

As she looked into the large bathroom mirror, Penelope felt her eyes water – again! – and she never realised that she would love a wedding dress even though she hadn't had a say in it. Here she was, her bust accentuated by the cut of the material and the use of bead work and crystals underneath to give shape. The skirt of the dress flew down over her curves, only reaching her knees and she inwardly praised whoever remember that she was getting hot flushes way too easily this far into the chemo. Even the coral and red patterned scarf on, she didn't think she looked half bad. She just had to wonder what she would look like tomorrow when she had her wig on, and her makeup done and she was feeling on top of the world.

She didn't say anything as she noticed how baggy it was until she was lead out of the room, Penelope looked at them. "It's too big," Penelope fretted as her tone went high with panic. "I've lost even more weight since you lot took my measurements." Penelope felt herself want to cry as she realised that this was the pinnacle feature to her wedding – her wedding dress was a must and if it didn't fit then she wasn't going to feel perfect and like the princess she had always believed she would feel like.

"Penelope," Fran quickly jumped in to disperse the moment. "I'm going to stick myself in here and sort any altercations it needs, but I promise you, tomorrow it will fit you perfectly."

"You need to calm down more, Pen," Desiree told her and smiled. "You look gorgeous."

"Is it good to be losing weight this fast? I mean you look stunning PG, but we only measured you less than a week ago," Emily fretted after her and JJ had exchanged looks of worry.

Penelope looked at her friends and saw the concern, "It's the chemo. It takes my appetite away as well, it doesn't bode well for maintaining weight." She smiled at them, "When this is all over, I am reclaiming my curves whether Derek likes it or not."

"Oh," Sarah said and looked to her mom, "Derek _loves _those curves." She watched Penelope blush, an instant colour change to her pale complexion, "And, Penelope, you really haven't lost them even though you've lost weight. That dress just makes you look gorgeous."

Penelope settled as she realised she didn't look ridiculous and that with her family's help nothing, absolutely nothing, would go wrong tomorrow or every day after.

"What shoes?" Fran asked as she played with the fabric, knowing exactly how easy tailoring the dress would be.

Penelope smirked, "I know exactly what ones."

"Hang on!" Desiree stepped in, "Have you moved in completely?"

"Only the important stuff," Penelope said with a grin and winked at her soon to be sister-in-law. She then pulled out a black box with a lace design over it. "Like unworn precious heels, Sweetheart," Penelope continued as she rested the box down. Lifting the lid up, she revealed light baby pink tissue paper and she removed it and pulled out the heels. "These babies needed a perfect date to be worn on."

"If you don't wear them, I'm nicking them," Emily joked and got thick agreement from the others. "Why have I not seen these?"

"Yeah!" JJ exclaimed, "And me!"

"Because my main man got them for me and, like I said, I haven't worn them yet," Penelope said as her hands ran over the purple satin before they reached the bejewelled back detailed brooch that made the heels something amazing. "I saw them and he got them for me to make me feel better," She grinned at him, "He really treats me right."

"Getting you heels," Sarah began impressed, "Is definitely a way to a woman's heart. My brother really knows how to please."

Penelope said nothing; she sat on the bed and started to put them on, only to have JJ crouch down to help her with them. She never admitted she was feeling weak, half the time she didn't even noticed until someone stepped in to help. She smiled as her friend helped her slip the high heels on and felt them fit her perfectly.

Standing up, Penelope went to mirror to get a look knowing full well that tomorrow she wouldn't be able to keep the scarf on all day; she imagined the purple scarf that Derek had given her as her first and she smiled.

"How do I look?" She asked turning around, her gaze going straight to Fran, her mom, as though Fran's approval was most necessary.

Fran's vision blurred with the onset of tears, "Absolutely beautiful."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

JJ and Emily did feel bad for splitting the team's star crossed lovers, but they wanted to hold some wedding treasures and keep man and his future wife apart for one night at least. Of course, both women weren't opposed to having Penelope all to themselves without Derek by her side, but tonight they were going to have a perfect girlie night and then wake up ready to get Penelope fit for her wedding.

"If you won't keep most wedding traditions, you can at least keep the separation the night before traditional," JJ said as she took Penelope's hand. "Say night, Garcie. You and Mr Morgan can meet up again tomorrow."

Derek stalked towards Penelope, he looked at JJ and Emily, "Care to give me a couple of moments alone with my future wife, Ladies?"

JJ and Emily looked at each other and smirked, "We'll go get ready for bed," JJ commented as her and Emily ducked into the master bedroom.

"Do you know how excited I am about tomorrow?" Derek asked Penelope as he held her in his arms. "How I can't wait to be married and how I can't wait to tell people who my wife is? Do you know how I can't wait to find a house for us, made by us? I can't wait to kick start the future and I promise you now, whatever the hell happens from today onwards, I will make sure that no day ever ends with a sad face. Baby, I wanna make sure you smile every day of your life. I will see that every day is amazing regardless."

Penelope felt her heart flutter away in her chest and she realised again that it was possible to feel like this, like this was day one. "I think I just fell in love with you again, Handsome," Penelope told him weak with romance. "I've said it once before, Derek, but you're my fighting force. You're my reason for fighting everyday with a smile. I know you love me with all your heart, Christ you're the one that has stood by me through it all and I know you're going to be here until it's over and even then, I can see us still together even when this isn't keeping us together. I see that now. I see it all."

"God I love you," Derek repeated his love for her again. He had wanted her to see past the cancer, see her recovery, see her future and he had only wanted her to see it with her and now she did. He kissed her heavily, cradling her body in his arms so that he could prolong the kiss, he gave her tantalising prompt to what tomorrow's kiss would hold. He loved doing that to her – Kissing her so passionately and changing it that she was surprised every time.

Penelope beamed at him, but pointed to the door. "You do realise they're going to be listening right?" Penelope whispered to him once the kiss had ended.

"Oh yeah," Derek whispered back. "Let's see if they hear this," He told her and kissed her, making sure it was playful and loud. As he and Penelope looked back at the door, it was opened and Emily and JJ were just looking at them.

"Ahh suckers!" Penelope joked giggling as she went. "Now, Handsome, I need my beauty sleep so I will see you in the morning."

"Oh you will," Derek smirked, letting his arms go limp so she could get free.

Reaching out, Emily took Penelope's hand in her, "In you go," She said as she pulled her into the room. "Night Morgan!"

Hearing them giggle, he turned around and headed off for shower to see if he could cool off enough to go to bed.

He needed and wanted Penelope more than ever – on the one night he couldn't have her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	17. I Love You More Each Day

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**** Okay, so this piece has too bits because it was just growing and growing, so you're getting two parts of this - which can only mean one thing! Faster update ;) Enjoy!**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

After making her rest the entire way through her Saturday, Penelope woke up on Sunday feeling as good as new and as if she hadn't felt absolutely miserable the day before. She knew this was how she wanted to feel. After all, this was her wedding day and she was not prepared to waste it in bed. She was going to love today. Especially after watching decorations go on around her and witness the hype of activity.

Now she was pacing the master bedroom, continually looking out to see what was going on in the yard down below and all she saw was all the men of the team going back and forth whilst Derek's family arrived among other friends of both Derek and Penelope.

The umpteenth time, she froze. "Who invited them?" Penelope asked as she looked out of the oversized window. She had only just stood up and now she saw six familiar figures that should not be in the yard at all. She hadn't invited them, and the panic was pretty much overpowering.

"Who?" Emily said as her and JJ came to stand by their side.

Penelope felt her eyes water, "My brothers and two of my old best friends. They shouldn't be here."

"Hey no tears!" JJ proclaimed when she had the drop in Penelope's voice and a tear fell down her face.

"I don't know if I can do this with them here," Penelope responded as she watched Derek getting along with them all and she felt her shakes get worse than ever. "Oh God, I'm bald!" She exclaimed and dissolved into tears. "I need to speak to Derek."

"Goes against tradition," Emily stepped in.

Penelope looked at her friend, "I _need _Derek." Penelope panicked, "I don't care about tradition, we don't _do_ tradition and I _need_ to see him - _now_."

"Okay, okay," Emily said and took Penelope's hand, "But you are straight back here to get the rest of your makeup done and get that dress on." Emily said nothing more, she released Penelope's hand, telling her to stick in the kitchen whilst she ran and got Derek. "Hey, sorry to interrupt," Emily said as she went towards Derek as he spoke to the six people from Penelope's past. "Hi, I'm Emily," She quickly introduced herself and looked to Derek, "Pen needs you."

"Is she okay?" He asked her, his worry spiking. The overprotective tone to his voice could be seen as overbearing, but Derek refused to tell the Garcia brothers about her current health unless she wanted to.

Emily nodded, "She's just over thinking."

"You never told her we were here did you?" Penelope's brother, Carl, asked and laughed, "That girl is going to hate you if she hasn't changed. She hated confrontation of any kind."

"Oh," Emily began, "She hasn't changed much then." She smiled and looked back at Derek, "Now Derek, please go and calm her down before she burns a hole in the carpet or before she does damage. She's going to tire herself out – again!"

"Is she okay?" Penelope's brother, Sean, asked this time. "Is she ill or something?"

Derek shook his head before answering, "She's just getting over a migraine she had since Friday. I'll be right back."

Going with him, Emily took his to Penelope as she paced back and forth in the dining room and then left the pair. She was going to get ready and make sure everything was ready for when Penelope was calmed.

"Baby Girl?" He called out to her and she looked at him. She stopped her pacing, her eyes wide, her hands wringing with one another as they shook.

"I can't do this with them here," Penelope told him immediately, her breathing heavy with panic. "I can't, Derek. They don't know about the cancer, they're going to think this is just some sympathy call, Derek. I don't want them here."

Derek didn't say a word; he just walked away from his fiancée quickly. He then came back with the blonde wig in his hand. Offering her a comforting smile, he pushed the scarf off of her head and put the wig on for her.

"They don't have to know," Derek whispered at her calmly and kissed her delicately. "This is our secret until you want everyone to know. Only our family know," He soothed her and felt her relax. "I rang your brothers as I decided that you lived long enough without them and they are really good guys, Pen and they don't blame you for anything. They miss you and love you and they wanted to see you again."

"Really?" Penelope asked as her eyes watered and the tears leaked.

Nodding he caught her tears, "Really, really," He confirmed and smiled at her brightly. "I don't want you to cry today, Baby. This was my surprise for you and I double checked and tripled checked that they wanted to be here and they all told me that none of them held any blame on you for what happened to your parents. They love you, Pen, like really, really love you and they are more than happy to be here today."

"I do really miss them," Penelope admitted weakly. Since receiving her cancer diagnosis she had spent many sleepless nights thinking about things in her life that she regretted and wanted to sort out and her brothers were the ones that had sat on the front of her mind making her question if it was a good or bad decision to seek contact.

"Then smile and enjoy today because you are going to be Mrs Morgan with or without them," Derek told her and saw the tears begin to clear up. "Today is about us, everyone else is just a bonus." He then watched as her lips pulled into a smile. "Now can you go get ready? I understand that the bride has to be fashionably late, but I'm going to go and get my suit on and be waiting and I think an eight year wait is long enough, Baby Girl."

Penelope put her arms around his neck, "I love you more than the world will ever know, Derek. Thank you for making this possible." She then reached up and kissed him before releasing him and leaving to get ready, only giving him a quick look over her shoulder as she went.

If you looked quick, with the blonde wig on, Derek was living a fool's dream for a moment as he forgot about the cancer. With that wig on she looked like she used to, how she longed to look and he knew that today would end with smiles.

Going back outside, he went to find Rossi and Reid to make sure they were ready; Hotch had already gotten ready before coming over with Jack and Beth and when he saw Rossi he had to laugh. "Rossi man, put her down," Derek shouted out as he walked towards Rossi and JJ as they kissed, JJ's hand filled with flowers.

"Ah, if you're here now, does that mean I can go and get my Garcie ready?" JJ asked as she stood up and smoothed her dress down. She had only come down when Penelope was with Derek. She thought another pair of female hands would help whilst she had a chance.

Derek smirked, "She's back getting ready and now we need to go get ready, Dave."

"Reid's upstairs just now. We can go up after," Rossi told him and then looked to Garcia clan. "Is she okay with them?"

"She is now, but we do not mention the cancer until Penelope has had the chance," Derek told them and then smiled as he looked around. "I guess we better get this ready and then make my baby girl's day the best ever." He then left the pair and went over to the Garcias' and the two he had come to know as Dean and Jamie, two of Penelope's high school friends. "Everything okay here?" He asked them, he was making it a point of call before he headed upstairs to get himself completely ready.

"Is Penny okay?" Marcus, the oldest of the brothers asked.

"Just pre-wedding jitters," Derek said with a smile. "She saw you lot out here and panicked, but don't worry I settled her. She misses you guys a lot, never doubt that." Derek told them with a confident tone. "She always has missed you. I've known that a while now, and she regrets never coming back, but I guess she just needed to be kept in line. She's real excited to see you lot again after the ceremony now." Derek went to continue, but was cut off sharply.

"Hey Morgan!" Derek heard from behind and turned around. He had to laugh as he noted a handful of his friends from back in his Chicago days. He looked to his mom, and then back to Garcia gang.

"I'll be back in a bit," Derek told them apologetically.

"Go do what you need to," Adam, the last of the Garcia's said as he saw the crowd waiting. "We'll be here."

Derek smiled appreciatively, "Thanks." He went towards them all, "What surprise is this, Momma?"

"You're not the only one that can arrange surprises, Baby Boy. This is one that was cunningly planned," Fran said as she stepped away from the group of men and their wives.

"You stole Fran Morgan away from us, Morgan," The tallest of the men said as they all stepped down. "First you leave for good, then your mom just disappears."

"And I'm not coming back for a bit yet," Fran told them with a wink. "I have other obligations and I left that youth centre in good hands." She looked at Derek, "I waited around to let this lot in, but I think there's a suit waiting on you and Penelope looks stunning so you have to dress to impress her."

Derek smiled like a cat that caught the canary, "There is no way I will outdo her, Ma."

"Oh so it's all about Penelope is it?" Matthias, Derek's closest friend, said as he broke from the group and went over and gave his friend a hug. "When do we meet her?"

"The moment she walks down the aisle that's when," Derek told his friends and welcomed them all. "Now I really need to go get ready before the bride puts me to shame." He turned around and to find Rossi, "Dave! Come on! Put your girl down already!" He shouted out as he found him and JJ together again, hands all over each other. "JJ, what happened to your going to help my Baby Girl out?"

JJ blushed as she realised the large group that had gathered, "Oh, erm, I'm going!" She said and kissed Rossi again before leaving him hurriedly.

Walking up, Rossi smirked, "Let's go, Boy," He said and put his arm around his shoulder. "I'm guessing introductions are waiting until after the ceremony?"

"Oh you best believe it," Derek said as he looked at his time. "We've only got twenty minutes so we better go."

Dave followed Derek in and went into the spare bedroom to get his suit. What he saw warmed his heart as the Morgan gang mingled with the Garcia one and they all seemed like one big family. It reflected the team perfectly – they all had different upbringings, all come from different teachings and values, but all formed a perfect family.

As he slowly got ready, and started to fix his tie, he looked to see Derek coming into the room and he smiled proudly. He wasn't just a father to Penelope, he felt like a father to Derek too and he never regretted feeling like that.

"You," He started as he watched Derek fix his cuff links into place, "Need to get downstairs, why I go and check in on the future Mrs. Morgan."

Derek's face immediately lit up, nothing else matter, but the fact that Penelope was finally going to take his name and be his forever. He didn't say a word, just checked himself out in the mirror, shot Rossi an appreciative look and then left entirely to get everyone in their places.

Stepping out, Penelope froze, Rossi pulling back with her as he carried on. She looked at the sea of faces, the group of people much bigger than she had anticipated and there were a few people she had no idea who the hell they were.

"C'mon, Kitten," Rossi told her reassuringly, "They're all going to be a part of your life after this."

Steadying her breathing, she took in the look of her brothers and old friends and that of Derek's friends and family and then her gaze settled onto Derek and she forgot about the entire world around her. It was like the very first time they made love, it was euphoric and all about them and everyone else didn't matter.

Feeling his breath hitch, Derek watched as the world around him blurred out and he was left looking at Penelope and how stunningly beautiful she looked to him. Here she was, all made up and wearing the biggest smile possible and he couldn't deny that kissing her that night on the roof at her apartment really was the best decision ever.

Walking forward, Derek took Penelope's hand in his and pulled her to the spot in front of the minister and smiled at her brightly as she beamed back at him.

Nothing else mattered anymore, just that they finally had one another.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_Mr and Mrs Morgan's first dance_, Penelope thought happily as the music played around them. Like before, the crowds just disappeared and she looked up at Derek ask he stared down at her. All she could see was absolute happiness and the world spun around them, not around her treatment or what the future held in reference to the cancer. It revolved around her and him and what life they would make.

"You look unbelievably beautiful today, Baby Girl," He told her and watched her smile at him as the singer's voice began to fill the end.

_Baby _

_It's been a long day, baby _

_Things ain't been going my way _

_And now I need you here _

_To clear my mind all the time _

_And baby _

_The way you move me, it's crazy _

_It's like you see right through me _

_And make it easier _

_Believe me; you don't even have to try _

_Oh, because _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, baby) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, oooh) _

_Ever happened to me _

Pulling her close to his body, he danced with her, he kissed the side of her head and just absorbed the wholeness he was feeling at that moment. The moment he had seen Penelope was the moment that for the first in his life he truly knew how a moment could take your breath away. He finally realised that Penelope did that to him often. They just weren't as noticeable as watching her step out for their wedding looking like nothing was weakening her and the moment he had seen those heels, he knew they had finally found their place for their perfection first showing.

Derek had released that he had waited an entire lifetime to have this feeling and now he had it, he was not letting it go. Even though he had no option, he's determination told him that even the cancer wouldn't win this battle.

He had a life to make up with Penelope and he was going to see it end – but only when they were old.

Baby

_We've come a long way _

_And baby _

_You know I hope and I pray _

_That you believe me _

_When I say this love will never fade away _

_Oh, because _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, baby) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, oooh) _

_Ever happened to me _

Penelope pulled back, "Did you pick this?"

"Yeah," Derek said bashfully. "I heard it and every lyric made me think of you, Baby Girl." He told her honestly, "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Penelope and I thank God and whoever else helped you walk into my life."

"That would be CIA," Penelope teased him and he laughed.

"Well then, if that's the case, I best start putting a letter together," He leaned in and kissed her, "I love you, _Mrs Morgan_, and I mean more than just for today. I love you more every day."

"I know," Penelope told him and ran her hand up his neck, bringing her thumb to rest under his ear and along his jaw line. "You made this all happen for me," Penelope continued and her eyes water. "Every day since knowing you have made it something memorable and now it's just even better than ever. Saying I love you just doesn't seem enough to me."

Pulling her close to finish the dance, Derek smiled wistfully, "Believe me, it's more than enough for me, Baby."

_Both of us had no love before _

_To come on promising like a spring to walk on out the door_

_Our words are strong and our hearts are kind _

_Let me tell you just exactly what's on my mind_

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, baby) _

_You are the best thing _

_(You're the best thing, oooh) _

_Ever happened to me_

Come the end of the song, Penelope was in tears. Since saying yes to Derek's proposal her life had never seemed better. Of course there were the hiccups with Kevin and with her health, but each time her trust and her faith in Derek only grew and at the end of each new day she knew who she was loved most by.

There was her fighting force – to love Derek everyday for forever.

She couldn't deny that she actually felt like a princess today. Dressed in her wedding dress, make up done, even with a wig on, she was able to forget about the truth of her diagnosis and live a normal day.

Now this time it ended with her being Mrs. Penelope Morgan.

She had the wedding certificate and the man's heart to prove that her dreams were coming true.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**Song: Ray LaMontagne - You Are the Best Thing**


	18. What You Really Love

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**** So I didn't mean to take so long, but life has a way of stealing your attention thick and fast! BUT enjoy... And more is in the making!**

**I did no proper read through as I am knackered! So all mistakes are mine, more so than usual!**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You know," Jessica started as she danced with Derek, "Fiona would be over the moon for you two." She had watched the pair and she loved that Derek was still able to be protective and yet not be over bearing. She just wished that Fiona was here to share this momentous day.

"I know she would have been," Derek responded and gave her a sad smile. "I miss her just as much as Pen does."

Jessica nodded and then looked over to Penelope. "I think someone's now a little lonely."

"Do you mind?" Derek asked as he saw Penelope since on the sidelines.

"Go, I'm going to find my man," She told him and pushed him towards Penelope before going in search of her boyfriend.

Penelope had given up keeping up with the party once she felt her energy levels completely take a nose dive. She was trying to hide yet another yawn as Derek came over and slipped into the seat next to her.

"You okay?" Derek asked, he had been dancing with his mom and then Jessica not realising that Penelope had given up to sit alone on the sidelines. "You look exhausted, Baby Girl."

"That and I'm hot and bothered and this wig isn't helping these flushes, Handsome. I'm just dropping a little," Penelope admitted to Derek as she looked up at him, but she offered him an effortless smile.

"They love you, P, they'll understand," Derek told her simply, only hinting towards discussing the cancer.

"What about your friends?" Penelope said as she looked at them all. "What will they think?"

Derek shrugged, "I honestly don't care what they think, Pen. I only care about you." He saw her smile. "I understand your worry, but this is a part of life and as your husband I will _kill _anyone that does you any harm because of it."

Nodding, Penelope made her realisation known, "It's a part of me now," She looked at him with a cheesy grin, "Literally," She joked and he laughed. "This cancer isn't going to change. You didn't marry me because of it, you love me and they're going to find out. Why not tonight?" Penelope asked him casually.

"Exactly, Baby, now you're talking sense," Derek told her and leaned in to kiss her, fully aware that everyone seemed to be coming over now to sit down again.

Sean came over first and sat with them, "So where is your husband whisking you off on your honeymoon? You always did beg mom and dad to take you to Hawaii."

Smiling, Penelope thought about this moment, and she didn't want them kept in the dark anymore. They were here to stay for a fortnight after all! They were actually taking a vacation and promised to still be here after the honeymoon if it didn't last as long. The thing was that there wasn't time for a honeymoon. Not until after Penelope was remission. Hearing her names a couple of times, Penelope came back down to earth as Derek took her hand in his as everyone seemingly came to sit down around the table to await the answer.

"You okay, Penny?" Matthias asked her carefully as he sat opposite her. He knew something was wrong. He loved that he could still read her like a book all these years on.

Looking to Derek, he nodded as if to tell her that if she wanted to tell them she could. "I'll be spending my honeymoon in the oncology department of the hospital actually," Penelope let them in on her secret. She watched the shock hit them all individually.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked in his flamboyant tone, almost spitting his drink out. "You'll be what now?"

Penelope just smiled, "I'll be getting chemo Wednesday instead of enjoying a honeymoon. Like I have been for the past several months."

"Y-you've got cancer?" Matthias asked as he stared at his sister. "Is that why you got married?"

"Hell no!" Derek bellowed angrily, "You can get rid of that thought immediately."

"Handsome," Penelope calmed instantly, "Back down."

Derek looked to Penelope, "I didn't marry you because of it, Pen."

"I know," Penelope said and put her hands to his face, "I know you didn't. You love me." She looked at everyone as they stared, even Derek's friends Dylan and Marcus were confused for a moment at the big secret. "I have been dealing with this for months now, nothing changes that and I mean nothing. I said no to Derek's marriage proposal because I didn't want to burden him, but he has proved time and time again just how in love he is with me, even to go as far as to put my _boyfriend _to shame. This isn't some reaction of the word cancer, Christ, I fell in love with Derek years ago, but sometimes you need something life changing to get what you want. This might not be the fairytale relationship that everyone expects everyone to have, but this is my fairytale relationship and it always will be."

"We should have helped," Carl told his sister as he watched her carefully. "We would have come here sooner."

"You should have rang us!" Adam yelled at his sister as everyone decided to have their say. Adam was angry and unable to think straight.

Derek's friends sat silently as the shock fell heavily.

Sitting listen to them argue between themselves, Penelope huffed – _She left because of you!_ It's your fault she ran! _All you ever did was hate on her!_ She wouldn't have left if we had accepted what happened! _If we'd tried harder to get her back we would've done!_ – Penelope hated confrontations and arguments and she wasn't about to accept them back into her life.

"I got shot a while back too," Penelope dropped into the conversation over the bickering, her tone casual, her body language mirroring her tone perfectly. "I think you can call me pretty damn invincible."

"For fuck sake!" Marcus said as couldn't handle the new influx of information. "You're our sister; you should have come straight to us."

Remembering her departure from California, Penelope remained unbeaten. However much she wanted her brothers back, she would never forget how much blame they forced upon her. "Will you stop being so God damn precious over this," Penelope said and reached up and pulled the wig off dropping it onto the table top. "It is what it is, so you either suck it up and accept it like we have or you just go." She hated issuing ultimatums, but sometimes they were just needed. "I am tired of doing this with fights and letdowns. I got rid of the biggest letdown in my life; I'm not going to repeat it."

"Morgan!" Matthias spoke up, "You chose the right girl there! She is perfect for you!" He looked to Penelope as she blushed, "Anything you need, Penelope, you call on us. We're a family now, don't forget it."

"Oh, just like that, Honey?" Penelope quipped as she noticed everyone settle down.

"You're feisty than Morgan after he's had about twelve cans of beer," Matthias complemented her and got slick agreement from the entire Morgan gang.

"Oooooh," Penelope said and looked to Derek as a smirk scrawled across her features, "_That is_ feisty!"

Smirking, Derek placed his finger to her chin and kissed her, "Best believe it, Princess."

Penelope bit her lip as she looked into his eyes, only slowly becoming away of the people around her again. "Right I'm boiling, so I'm going to sort myself out and hide my baldness," Penelope chirped and got up, only to stop and look at them all. "A lot has changed since that day when I was eighteen and believe me, standing right here, right now, I couldn't love my life more than I do. So get real, get used to your new family and be happy!" She chirped at them and then headed up to the house.

Derek just started to chuckle, "Welcome to Penelope 2012 edition," He told them and then stood up and followed her to the house. He was going to help her with her scarf, kiss the hell out of her, tell her how proud he was of her and then he was going to enjoy the rest of their evening.

Coming back out, Penelope put her hands up to the scarf to make it sit comfortably; she felt every set of eyes on her. She knew that the Garcia brood expected her to bend and break, but they didn't know what Penelope she was now. As for the Morgan lot, they hadn't even had a taste of her pizzazz yet.

"Too tired for one last dance, Baby?" He spun her around, making her laugh in enjoyment. He heard the slow pace come on and he knew he wanted another dance where he got to hold her close.

She looked at him, "Never for you, Morgster, and don't make this our last dance tonight. I'm not ready."

Taking her to the floor he held her close, "Okay then, we dance until you say no more."

There was never a moment when Penelope felt safer than when she was in Derek's arm midst slow dance – supported, intimately held, world stopping. And for another moment in this perfection, fairy tale of a day, a song pretty much summed up everything that she was feeling or what life was doing.

_Where did all the people go?_

_They got scared when the lights went low._

_I'll get you through it nice and slow,_

_When the world's spinning out of control._

_Afraid of what they might lose_

_Might get scraped or they might get bruised._

_You could beg them, what's the use?_

_That's why it's called a moment of truth_

_I'll get it if you need it,_

_I'll search if you don't see it,_

_You're thirsty, I'll be rain,_

_You get hurt, I'll take your pain._

_I know you don't believe it,_

_But I said it and I still mean it,_

_When you heard what I told you,_

_When you get worried I'll be your soldier._

"You're not my soldier," Penelope told him and smiled warmly, "You're my Noir Hero."

Derek smirked as he finally felt like a hero, "And you're not some cancer chick," He started, using her terminology of herself on him, "You're my wife."

"I know," Penelope responded to him and she knew she meant it wholeheartedly.

Kissing the top of her head, Derek continued, "And if they can't face this, then they don't have to. You have a family that will always be here no matter what."

Penelope just kept the smile on her face and held onto Derek.

When she was with Kevin she felt like a sufferer, like she was falling victim to the cancer alone, but when she was with Derek it was like every day was doable, everything was in her capability. She was still Penelope to Derek and he never once let her forget that. It was as that thought came to mind she realised that she really had chosen right.

This life was made for them. They were here to be each other's support.

_My aim is so true,_

_I wanna show you,_

_I'll try forever,_

_I'm never gonna say "surrender"._

As soon as those lyrics filtered his system, Derek kissed Penelope in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Almost in an act to seal the deal of those words. He was never going to surrender, and when he promised to be there forever, he was going to be there every step of the way until he reached forever.

"He really loves her doesn't he?" Carl asked looking to Rossi.

Rossi smiled proudly, "Like you wouldn't believe." He saw how Derek was and turned to the entire group, "You might all be in shock over what you've been told, but Penelope is truly happy. You'd be a fool to deny that and you'd be an even bigger fool to make her unhappy, and where Derek's concerned, you've got no doubt that this love is long lasting."

"Believe me," Emily broke into the conversation, "If you could see what Derek and Dave are capable of to any who even so much as upsets Penelope, you would never even dare go there."

Rossi smirked, "He had it coming," He said as he settled back smugly, knowing that whatever happened, he would be the one that would support Penelope if anyone ever failed to do so – Derek included.

Not that he had any concern there anyway.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It wasn't even an hour later, after Derek had reworked his speech a little, that he stood up in front of the gang and cleared his front. He didn't need cue cards, or a script. When he was speaking from his heart, it was all memorised and perfect.

"Love finds you, you don't get to choose and that's probably a scary concern. What if love doesn't find you? What do you do then?" Derek told them all. "I don't lie when I say that Penelope scares me more than love itself," Derek started off and looked down at Penelope. "She always has and I hope to God she always will. Her compassion for everyone and everything scares me. Her ability to keep our team together scares me. The way she loves me, scares me because I have never found anything quite so powerful." He looked down at Penelope and saw her eyes watering heavily. "I remember the day we found out she had cancer and I remember how scared she was, but every day since we have stuck together and we fell in love because of it. I always knew I was going to marry Penelope, a part of me deep inside knew, but watching her be so brave and strong made me realise that there are no right moments until you take them in both hands and make them happen. The night I kissed her for the first time to prove who really loved her, and it was the best night of my life." He smiled brighter as he looked down to Penelope. "Baby Girl," Derek said as he reached for her hand, "When I say we're in this together, I mean we're in this together. Whatever we have to deal with, I am not letting you do this alone. I love you, Penelope and I'm so glad I finally got to make you mine."

Derek pulled Penelope up to kiss her, only sitting down moments later as Rossi stood up and cleared his throat for his impending speech.

"When I was out with Penelope the other day, she told me how her one ultimate fear was to get Derek to lose him. She was terrified that she had no control and after her recent hospital stint, she felt her control was even more at a loss than ever. Almost like hope was dying. She also showed me a house she had longed to live in and she felt she didn't have the chance to set roots anymore, but I think now is the perfect time to set roots and ready for the Morgan gene to be expanded." Rossi looked at Penelope, "Bella, I bought you that house as my wedding gift to you and Morgan." He watched her eyes well up, and her lip tremble. "Penelope, you need to realise that we aren't full of idle words when we say that you and Derek are going to get over this obstacle in life and we don't lie when we say you're going to beat this because we believe in you and we have seen you fight at the best of times. This is no different. I don't want you to ever lose hope, Kitten, because you and Derek deserve all the best in the world and if I can have a helping hand in it, I will." He passed over a set of keys, "Build _your _home together and live in it happily."

Fran tried to think of ways she could beat this, but with her own emotions flying around she was finding it harder to do this than she thought possible.

"Firstly, you do not know how happy I am to see everyone here to witness this," Fran began and then turned to face Derek and Penelope fully. "Don't think I haven't forgot that neither of you told me about Penelope's health, but my God, it has been the best thing to watch you two fall deeper in love after watching you run away from it for years. I know when I look at you that true love never dies. Whatever life holds for the two of you I know it will be held with the utmost romance and love. Believe me, I've witnessed that." Fran gave them a pointed look and she smirked as Penelope's cheeks heatedly flushed with a blush. "Derek, you make me so unbelievably proud and I wish you father was still around to see this, to love Penelope like I do. With or without him though, I am never prouder than I am when I watch you look after Penelope when she's at her lowest and make the rest of days the best they will ever be." Fran smiled at her son and looked at Penelope, "I am so glad to accept you into the family, Penelope. I've waited too long for it to happen."

It was as Penelope sat there, basking in the words of the most important people in her life, Penelope realised that everyone around her were fast becoming important people. No one had run, no one had caved, they had all stared for her.

Later, as she danced with her brothers, and then was taken to dance with Derek's friends from school, she realised that it didn't matter who knew the longest, or who was there the most consistent. All that mattered was that they were here for her now, and here they all vowed to be.

She really was just Penelope to them all. Just like she was with her family, the team.

And there was one thing Penelope knew; her support system had expanded exponentially, and it filled her with hope.

She was excited to see what _post_ cancer life was going to be like.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**Song: Gavin Degraw - Soldier**


	19. The Family You Need

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I'm hoping to get the ball rolling with this a bit more, but cannot promise anything! Enjoy and know how appreciative I am for you all reading and reviewing =)_

_All mistakes are entirely mine... it's gone 1am, my mind is mush! LOL_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

The Garcia clan had always wondered when they would get their Penelope back. Would she be the same? Would she be happy? Would she be an alien of herself? Would she be craving the Californian life? They were all sure she hadn't changed massively, because her personality was still uniquely Penelope, but she was content being on this side of the country and she was in love. They were happy she was happy, especially with Derek.

They all were on the same wavelength now having her back in their lives. They all wanted to look after her and be here for her and for Derek. They took shifts so not to overpower Penelope after her latest chemo session and after wedding they had had three days of Penelope putting on a brave face and keeping them entertained. Now, however, they all were left to their own devices whilst Penelope rested up.

The Morgan clan were exactly the same. Everyone just loved Penelope and Fran was the proudest of them all. They hated that Penelope was so ill when she was so loving and fun and bubbly and ever though they were sad for Derek, they couldn't be happier that he seemed to be complete now. They loved to see that Derek had met his match and that she fitted in with each of them so perfectly.

Now as the Garcia's and Morgan's became one for a day out lead by JJ, Rossi, Emily and Reid, they left Derek at home to spend time with Penelope's old class mates, Jamie and Dean.

Jamie sat opposite her friend watching her as she lie on the couch, sleeping the most restless slumber possible, her body shaking. She hated that her friend was weakening before her eyes. It wasn't a sight she wanted to have, it wasn't a memory she wanted stored away, but it was going to be. She wasn't ever going to be able to forget that Penelope had cancer, or that she was only going to get worse before it got better.

It was making her nervous to see Penelope like this. So much so she had to go and get Derek to come and check on Penelope and tell her everything was perfectly fine. "Er, Derek," Jamie said as she went into the kitchen to find Dean and Derek, she looked over her shoulder at Penelope as she continued to enter.

"What's up?" Derek asked as he looked away from Dean to a worried looking Jamie, her eyes wild with angst and fear.

"Babe, you look like you've seen a ghost," Dean commented to his friend as he tried to work out what was wrong with her.

"Is Penelope okay?" She asked and looked back at Penelope, "She's really not looking good."

Derek pushed off from the counter top and went passed the brunette and went to find his wife. Sure enough she was curled up on the couch still, but her body was shivering worse than ever before. He knew it was the chemo, he had been told it was a slightly stronger dose due to her check up coming up. He went over and touched her face and felt the heat of her skin. Standing it turned back to them, ready to get on top of relieving the symptoms the best he could.

"Don't worry," He began and smiled, "It's the side effects of yesterday's session." He turned back to Penelope and ran his hand down her face before watching her squirm in discomfort and he guessed her skin was sore. "Baby Girl," He spoke to her softly and watched her move, "Think you can wake up for me so I can get you some pills and get you into a cool bath?"

"I don't want to move," Penelope murmured as she opened her eyes to stare at him. She felt like her skin was on fire and if she even moved then it would just pain her. She was scared to exacerbate the pain. "I hurt, Handsome."

Looking over his shoulder, Derek saw the worried trances that Dean and Jamie were stuck in, "Can one of you get the pills from the kitchen counter and a bottle of water." He turned back to Penelope helping her up. As much as he knew that Penelope was hurting, they were both well aware that Penelope needed the medication to feel better.

Sitting up, Penelope haphazardly trashed her arms around to move Derek and then ran for the bathroom door so she could collapse against the toilet. Her body was aching like hell was torturing her and now, to top it all, she was heaving and throwing up what little she had once again eaten. All was only making this ten times worse.

It wasn't long before Derek, having told Dean and Jamie the protocol was in with Penelope placing a cool washcloth to the back of her neck, and sitting with her. He knew she still found this embarrassing, but just because she was throwing up didn't mean that he was going to let her suffer alone. He didn't care in the slightest. From the beginning his main concern had been Penelope and it always would be that.

Reaching up once the nausea was gone, Penelope flushed the toilet and ten took the washcloth and wiped her face with it. She rested her head on the toilet seat and looked to her husband as he sat next to her. She closed her eyes as he reached up to stroke her face gently.

"Mmm," Penelope said as she felt his touch now soothe her and not erupt soreness. "What are you going to do when I'm strong to ravage you?" She teased him, "When I can give you that wedding night."

"Have you been having dirty thoughts about me again, Baby Girl?" He asked her and she laughed tiredly.

Her eyes opened to look up at him, "_Maybe_," she whispered. "There are just some parts of me you'll never know about."

Realising quickly that she was falling asleep, Derek got up and picked her up gently. He felt her loop her arms around his neck and rest her head to his chest and he carried her out of the small bathroom. He stopped to check in on Dean and Jamie as they sat feeling worthless in helping. He knew how that felt, he had felt like it when this had originally started, but soon you just learnt through using your gut to think about what Penelope needed most.

"I'm just taking her to bed, I'll be back once she's settled and we'll call the others about what to do for dinner," Derek told them coolly as though Penelope wasn't really scooped lifelessly in his arms.

"Thai," Penelope whispered to him and then lifted her head off of his chest, "Get Thai."

Derek looked down at Penelope and laughed, "Now you want food."

Offering him a tired grin, she nodded, "As disgusting as it is, I think I needed to just get it out of my system. I could really eat some of your brownies too, Handsome."

"I bet you can," Derek chuckled, "Maybe tomorrow, for now you're getting so sleep in." He looked at Penelope's friends, "Believe me, she doesn't change."

Looking up again, she looked at her friends and huffed a laugh, "I own cancer, cancer doesn't own me." She then looked up to Derek one she saw Jamie break into the smallest of smiles and Dean laughed a little, "Handsome, I need my bed." She told him as her felt her energy depleting on her quickly.

"Count it done, Princess," Derek told her, kissed the top of her head and then took her upstairs. He settled her, tucked her in, laid with her when she wouldn't let him go so quickly and allowed him to get her the pills she was due. When she was completely sound asleep, he left her and went back down. "She's okay, you know?"

"How can you be so calm about her being like this?" Jamie asked as she began to well up. "She's so ill."

"Yeah, she is, but she is completely Penelope with it," Derek spoke almost proudly and smiled. "She's brave and strong and she almost always has a smile on her face regardless. Just because she's ill doesn't change who she is."

Dean stood up then willing to change the subject to settle his friend, "I bet you never imagined your life turning out like this did you?" He asked Derek simply, his tone almost sad and pitiful.

"No, I never imagined my life like this, but I was once told everything happens for a reason and I fully believe in that saying," Derek replied to them and saw that they both shared the same look. The look that showed that he was living a bad life, one that could be taken and that he was living a life on bided time. "You don't need to give me pity or feel bad for me; I'm one of the lucky ones."

Jamie rose an eyebrow at that final comment, "How does that work out?"

Clearing his throat, Derek grinned, "I've got a woman that loves me, that tried to get me to not love her so that I could be happy. I have a woman that, regardless of all of this, I am still a top priority to her. I got to marry my best friend and I got to marry a woman I admire. I don't see myself as unlucky because she had cancer, that isn't even a factor. She's always going to be Penelope and we're going to be laughing in years to come when she's back to being herself and we have a family."

"Still a dreamer," Ben commented as he led the Morgan gang into the room, everyone taking up seats around the room.

"Just letting people know that I am the luckiest guy alive to have Penelope," Derek said and then took in everyone's tired glances. "Well you all look worn out," He then watched as Marcus ended up the group, "Where are the others?"

"Got called away on a case," Fran told him and gave a sad smile. "Seems like a bad one."

Derek knew what this could potentially spell for them and so he put his hands on his head, "We need to get this done by next week. She's going to need them after the check up." He then dropped his hands and grabbed his cell. He hated to do this, but he wanted to help the team the best, and without Penelope cases were doubly so he did the one thing he didn't want to do and called Kevin Lynch.

"What are you doing?" Matthias asked his best friend as he watched an inner battle begin.

"I'm ringing someone," Derek cut him off.

"Derek," Fran began, "Do you think this is wise?"

Without another word Derek rang Kevin's number and didn't offer any form of friendliness. "Lynch, I want you to keep your mouth shut and listen to me, do I make myself clear?" He waited second, "Good. Now I know our last meeting wasn't the best, but I know you love her still and would do anything for her regardless so I want you to go to Pen's office at work and be the team's tech." Derek listened to Kevin's stammered yes and then question why. "She's got her check up next week and I'm pretty sure I remember circling that on your calendar so you wouldn't forget, so do Penelope a favour and help get the team back before then. That's all I'm asking of you because believe it or not, I do think you're a brilliant TA." Derek's complimented him awkwardly and then felt ease as Kevin conceded. "Thank you," Derek breathed a second later. "You can see her if she wants to see you." Derek said and shut his phone and breathed out.

"Well that wasn't forced at all," Matthias laughed as he watched Derek.

"Let's just say, that if anyone who loves someone does what he does, then he doesn't deserve someone being nice. Especially when it's towards Penelope," Derek said sounding petty, but Kevin Lynch was still able to get him angry at the mere mention of his name. He just couldn't forget the bruises that Penelope had on her arms.

"Derek, I know what he did was bad, but you need to forgive him someday," Fran told her son.

"Oh, I will, Ma," Derek looked to his mother, "When he redeems himself."

"Right, Morg, some of us were discussing some new plans," Matthias spoke up at that seeing that his friend was still angry at whatever this Kevin had done.

"What's that?" Derek asked them all.

"Some of us were thinking about sticking around a little while longer," Carl commented, he knew he wasn't ready to leave his sister now.

Dean nodded his agreement, "I mean I'm self employed, so I hope you don't mind me coming back a few days after I leave once I've sorted things?"

"I don't mind any of you staying around, but if it's going to compromise your jobs then I won't allow it." Derek then looked to them all. "Just I think these next few weeks are going to get a little worse."

"Then if we can, we stay," Samuel stood and looked around at everyone.

It seemed that both the Morgan and Garcia brood was here to stay if they could.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope cast her gaze up to her brother as he laid with her on her bed. She never thought she would have them this close ever again and she was pretty certain that if she ever did have them this close it was to have them yelling at her and blaming her for the death of their parents.

"Do you think this is my punishment?" Penelope asked weakly and saw her brother's loving, warm look morph into confusion.

"For?" Marcus questioned her slowly.

"Mom and dad," Penelope answered him honestly. "For getting them killed that night. Do you think this is God's way of punishing me for disobeying them again that night?" She asked and felt her eyes water, "Do you think I deserve all of this for what happened?"

"I think you paid when you went through years of being alone, looking for a family, Penny," Marcus told her caringly and smiled. "You don't deserve this, you deserve the chance to love Derek how you so want to. This isn't some sort of divine punishment."

Penelope pushed herself up, settling into her pillows more comfortably, "I just feel like when I was shot I was being punished for something, but because that didn't work, I got given a second round."

"Why are you trying to look for punishment in all of this, Pen?" He asked her simply and saw how much blame she had carried since she had run from California. She was still running after all of the hurt that had flooded her with in the weeks after their death. He wanted that to stop.

"I killed them didn't I?" Penelope asked him mournfully, her eyes watering enough to allow a few tears to fall. "That makes it my fault."

"You were a kid, you were a rebel, we all did it," Marcus started to tell her, sitting up so that he could move to be in front of her, instead of looking down at her. "I did it, Sean did it, Carl certainly did it, and hell, Adam sure as hell did it. It's a part of growing up, especially when you had the parents we did. That night," He paused, shaking his head, "That night was bad timing. They were doing exactly what they had done for us four boys' years before, but unfortunately fate intervened. I'm sorry we made it your fault, but Penelope, you are not deserving of any form of punishment."

"I just feel like I do," Penelope told him and then sighed, "I know this is irrational. I do, but it's just been building in me."

Marcus bent down, "You know what you should be letting build up in you?" He asked her rhetorically. "Happy, because hey, you're a newlywed, I think we need to still celebrate that," Marcus told her happily and he smiled even more when Penelope's face brightened at knowing that little fact.

"Plus," Penelope started as she pushed herself up a little more, "Everything happens for a reason right?" Penelope asked him as she felt herself rationalise over this.

Marcus' face lit up at that saying, "Yeah," he said choked, amazed that his sister still stuck by the say, "It does really does, Nelly," He said using an old nickname for her. "Now, downstairs for food and company?" He asked her and she nodded.

"Marc?" Penelope asked he climbed off of the bed ready to help her up to go downstairs. "I'm going to miss you when you leave," Penelope told her brother sincerely and then sniffled, "You're leaving right after I find out if this is it."

"It won't be it," Marcus vowed to his little sister, "I'm on standby at work, if I want to, I call the shots and stay here. I won't even let you argue with me here, Penelope," Marcus fought her, knowing she would argue him. "I am your brother, and I have so much making up to do and I promise you I will be here every step of the way until we beat this."

Penelope cocked a brow, "I don't get an option do I?"

"Nope," He said with back, glee in his voice at having her step down, "You feeling any better by the way?" Marcus asked her a few moments later. "Derek wants to get some food in you."

"I'm just tired," Penelope admitted with a small smile, "Today's a better day."

"I think you got it all out of your system yesterday, Kiddo," Marcus joked with his sister. "Do you know the bathroom floor isn't that comfortable?" He watched her nod at him, "Then why did you live there most of last night?"

"I don't get options," Penelope laughed at him, "You just go with whatever. I've slept on that floor too much in the last few months and believe me, sometimes it is perfect."

"You need to make friends with more people," He quipped as he helped her stand.

Penelope laughed as she gathered her bearings a little more, "I make friends with plenty of people I'll have you know."

Taking her hand in his, Marcus led his sister towards the group gathered, "We started the party without you, even after the surprise turned up."

"Surprise?" Penelope questioned, feeling queasy again at what was laying in wait.

"You'll see," Marcus told her as he kept her close to him.

What Penelope found downstairs shocked her to say the least.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	20. Keeping The Love Alive

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Update time! Hope you like what's to come of this chapter guys! Thanks as always!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope blinked a few times. Sure that the man in front of her was all an illusion of sorts. "K-Kevin?" She asked confused and shook her head, regretting it immediately as she felt the head rush. She was just thankful for Marcus being by her side, keeping her standing.

"C'mon," Marcus said and guided her to the arm chair immediately. He helped her settle and thanked Fran as she passed a blanket over to help get Penelope comfortable.

Taking the blanket from him, stopping Marcus' moves, Penelope looked to Derek as he stood with Kevin by her side. "What is going on here?"

"Kevin came in before heading to work," Derek started to tell Penelope, "Differences aside, whatever he's done forgotten," He looked at the man beside him and gave him a stern look, "Unless he acts up." He watched Kevin gulp and admit defeat and so turned back to Penelope, "Kevin's taking up your work load seeing as we all decided that it was a bad idea for you to go back, even for a minimal amount of hours."

"So he's the team's TA?" Penelope asked and didn't look away from Derek. No one else in the room would be able to answer this for her apart from him or Kevin himself. Derek nodded at her and Penelope tried to digest this new alliance. "Okay, but under one stipulation."

Kevin watched as her eyes narrow on him, "For me?" He exclaimed quickly.

"Yes for you," Penelope answered him, her tone matter of fact and she shifted a little to work out some of the aches that were building in her body again.

He knew he would do anything for her, ill or not, so he knew had to accept whatever she asked of him. "Wh-what?" Kevin stammered at her, worried about what she was about to ask of him.

"Do not, and I mean this, do not mess up my office like you have done before," Penelope told him serious, "You know what I'm capable of and even the BAUs finest wouldn't be able to pin a piece of evidence on me." As she ended it she smiled sweetly, as if butter would melt.

"That's my girl," Derek spoke proudly and watched as Penelope broke into a mini fit of giggles.

Kevin watched Penelope and he knew he had lost out, but the way in which she looked and spoke to Derek was different now, it was more intimate, much more in tune with him. She might look even gaunter, even paler than ever before, but her eyes were so full with passion and happiness that it didn't allow the cancer to take over completely. She really was no victim.

Noticing his gaze set upon her, Penelope's giggles faded, "You still don't look at me like I'm Penelope," Penelope spoke out sadly to a man she had once loved to some degree. She watched him jump from his trance to stare at her wide eyed and terrified by that comment. "You haven't looked at me like someone you loved since the day I told you about the cancer." She felt her eyes water and she needed to get out of that room.

"I'm sorry," He responded immediately, like it was the only knee jerk reaction he had. "I just didn't cope, how do you cope? You got so ill so quickly and wanted so much support and I guess I didn't see how people coped with it all."

Penelope sighed, "Derek coped."

"That's because he's Derek!" Kevin exclaimed and pointed to him. "I'm not Derek, I'm just Kevin. I'm not some big bad agent, I'm not some cool dude; I'm just normal, boring Kevin. I like computers and getting away from reality because I don't cope with it. I thought you were like me, Penny, I really did, but you're not. You're more like Derek than you ever gave yourself credit."

"I'm not," Penelope scoffed. She liked being different from Derek, it gave her a sense that opposites do attract.

"If you were more like me, Pen, you wouldn't be keeping so strong during this, believe me. You would have caved a long time ago." He shrugged, "You're a fighter, and that's why you fit so well on Agent Hotchner's team. You're destined to win this," Seeing her tear up, Kevin decided to cut this short. "I better get to work," Kevin quickly ended the moment and readied to leave imminently. He felt awful for how he made Penelope feel, especially when it was unintentional.

"I'll see you out," Derek told him and followed him out, taking a quick glance at Penelope as he went. Time for the second surprise he thought to himself.

Carl, as he sat on the arm of the chair, leant down to his sister's level to whisper in her ear, "He will come about one day and stop being so scared of you. Just he seems foolish to me," He saw her smirk, "Not all of us are instant learners and good at seeing what's at the centre of the situation."

"I'm just glad he's the only one that gives me that look. Anymore and I might crack up," Penelope commented and smiled sadly once again.

"You cracked up decades ago," He teased and sat up as Derek came back into the room. He was just happy to see that the sad smile quickly shattered and was replaced by a genuine one.

Penelope watched as Derek came back in, a tiny bundle in his arms, a smile on his lips, one that was growing as he got closer and closer to her. She eyed the small mass and saw it move, she was well aware of the switching of attention between her and Derek and she knew everyone knew. "I've been planning this for a while, but could never find a little one that Clooney actually liked."

Allowing her eyebrows to knit together, Penelope went to question what the hell he was going out about, but a tiny little head popped out from the mass of blankets and Penelope saw a little golden Labrador staring at her, his tiny tongue sticking out as he panted. "Reid and Rossi have been looking after him, getting him house trained and broken in," Derek commented as he passed the golden puppy down.

"You got me a dog," Penelope observed simply and obviously.

Smirking, Derek looked down at the puppy, "I got you a puppy, yes."

"Apparently dogs are good with aiding recovery from illnesses of any kind," Reid started to prattle on suddenly. "Animals, like cats and dogs, lower the levels of cortisol and instead aid the production of serotonin. Not only that, did you know that one of the side effects of chemotherapy is the sudden development of depression? Pets actually help aid and reduce cases of depression from hitting quite so hard or lasting quite so long."

"How does he do that?" Matthias asked, his tone split between being impressed and being terrified at the speed in which Reid just rambled.

Desiree laughed at her brother's friends, "You do not want to know," She said as she cast her gaze back to Reid as he stood staring at her and she winked at him, making him instantly blushed. "Shouldn't you be on the case as well, Spence?"

"He was bringing me the case files so I can be on the end of the phone," Derek said and looked to Penelope as she lapped up this new attention from the puppy.

"Is there any reason why you got me a puppy, Handsome?" Penelope asked and giggled as the little dog licked her chin to get her attention. "Or did boy genius wrap it up?"

"I thought she'd be a nice addition to the family," Derek commented and then shrugged, "Plus, dogs are good aids with any form of recovery and good for exercise."

"I get enough exercise and comfort with this little boy here," Penelope commented as Clooney came into the room, swimming between the people to reach Penelope. Except when he got there, he ignored her and started to clean the puppy. "Oh, I've been replaced," Penelope played hurt and Clooney looked up at her and barked. "That's better!" She then gave him a keep pet before looking to the new baby of the family, "Does this little girl have a name?"

Derek shook his head.

Inspecting the puppy as it now stared up at her, "Spots?" She questioned and got no response. "Hmm, Lucky?" She picked a normal dog name and still got no response. She ran off other names, everyone joining and Penelope tried one last try before giving up for a little bit. "Bambi?" She asked, hoping this would be the one, and the puppy yelped in a big woof to alert her of the new name. "I think we have us a Bambi Morgan."

"Wow, and I didn't think you were crazy enough," Penelope's brother Carl teased her over her name choice and she hit him as he remained sitting next to her on the arm of the chair.

Penelope looked at him, "You don't ever hate on a Morgan."

"You were a Garcia first," Carl pointed out sarcastically.

"Well then, you should be really, really scared," Penelope pointed out to aid everyone's amusement. She watched her brother slowly fall from shock to laughter. Even though she could feel what little energy she had brought together, Penelope was starting to feel it disappear, but she wanted to keep the laughter going because it was like her tonic. Much like Derek's love was.

"I reckon we should move this party outside," Dylan spoke up and then shot a wayward look to Penelope, "If you're up for it."

"Oh, Stud, I'm more than up for it if you're going to carry me," She teased and winked at him, watching him react immediately.

"Baby, stop being a tease," Derek warned her, seeing exactly how Penelope was getting his friend. For once, since they had gotten this serious with their relationship, Penelope had made Derek feel jealous, even if just moderately, he was still feeling envious of how Dylan was reacting.

Penelope looked to Derek, and shot him a tender smirk, her eyes, although heavy with exhaustion were completely full of tease. "You know I can't just stop, Handsome. That's why you fell in love with me years ago." She then smirked harder, "And that's why you'll keep doing so for the next seventy years."

He chuckled and felt his envy disappear instantly, he bypassed everyone, "Right, everyone outside. Let's get my Baby Girl some fresh air." He got everyone moving so he could help his wife.

"Gonna carry me?" Penelope teasingly asked as he helped her up, taking the blanket and slinging it over his shoulder to as to help Penelope. Penelope then decided to drag Derek out as everyone left.

As he followed her through the kitchen after everyone had left, he watched her freeze by the freezer. "What are you after?"

"Ice lolly," Penelope told him as he stopped her. "My mouth's sore," Penelope admitted as she had felt more of the mouth ulcers appear overnight and wanted something to soothe it.

"I'll bring you out one in a moment, but I want you resting first," Derek told her as he took her hand and pulled her outside. He let her sit down on one of the massive sun loungers he had around the pool in the garden and then tossed the blanket out to cover her. Whilst doing so, his phone rang and he paused to check, but after looking her ignored it and finished putting the blanket over Penelope. "There you go, Baby. I'll get you an ice lolly in a moment."

"Who is it?" Penelope asked as he walked away. "Derek! Don't ignore me."

"It's Strauss," Derek replied and finally answered, "Ma'am, what can I do for you?"

Penelope sighed and ran a hand over her head as she felt her headache coming back immediately. When she was met with everyone looking at her questioningly she knew she had to answer, "She's the ice queen of the BAU. Well when it suits. She's probably getting Derek to go to work."

"She won't get him to leave you now," Fran soothed Penelope's worries, but she knew that Penelope was not going to stop anytime soon with her concerns for Derek's future.

Penelope looked up at him as he came back, his face laced with absolute aggression and she knew Strauss hadn't said anything good. "You should listen to her and go and help," Penelope assumed Strauss had given him an ultimatum to get back to work. She knew Derek wouldn't listen regardless, but Penelope still worried about Derek's potential future.

"I'm not going," Derek said as he lay down with her on the sun lounger outside, taking the package off of the ice lolly. "She can fight all she likes, you can fight all you like, but it's my choice and all I want is to be here," Derek shared with Penelope with so much certainty she would be a fool to not listen to him. "She okayed to give me leave from work after the director heard about your health and there is no way she is taking it back now."

For once, Penelope didn't argue, she just snuggled up against him, and enjoyed the icy goodness of the lolly once he had passed it over, and decided to finally give up on worrying about Derek's career when he was happy just being here with her.

Happy didn't even cut it. Derek was in heaven being here with her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You're mighty chirpy today, Baby Girl," Derek commented as he watched her eating away on her fourth cookie. He knew why, he was just waiting for her to clock on why exactly.

Penelope swallowed her mouthful, and she held the rest of the cookie in pieces in her palm, "I love when you cook things, but when you add a dose of Mamma Morgan baking to the mix it's pure perfection."

"I take it it's good?" He asked as he continued into the room and kissed the top of her head and felt her nod. "You're looking better."

"Apparently all I needed was sugar," Penelope told him simply and took the corner off her cookie and ate it before getting up off of her stool, "We need to get ready, Sugar Cookie!"

Derek cocked a brow, "Are you talking to me or the cookie?" Derek joking asked her, his face not withholding on his amusement, but followed her nonetheless as she left the room.

"You of course, Silly!" She told him and literally bounded up the stairs. It wasn't as if she was amazingly energetic, because she was still slower than usual, but compared to how she had been getting, Penelope was a lot more full of life than she had been recently.

Getting into their room, Derek sat on the edge of their bed as Penelope went to the wardrobe, "Ready to go exploring our new house, Baby? I want to get people in to start renovating whilst I'm here with you," Derek stated as he watched her looking for clothes indecisively.

"I am, but I feel way too alive to be cooped up in another house!" She exclaimed to him, she seemed to be unable to stop smiling in that instance. She wanted to go to the beach, or on a road trip, something that made her feel free and alive.

"It's good to see you so bouncy," Derek commented, "I remember the last time you ate my baked goods and wer-" He stopped as he watched her. He laughed as she finally clocked on.

Penelope's eyes widened some, "You drugged the cookies!" She exclaimed and saw Derek's cheeky glance at her. Thinking about how amazing she felt last time, Penelope decided to roll with it. "Good boy."

Pushing him down to the mattress top, Penelope showed Derek exactly what she wanted to do to him on their wedding night when she had been too tired. Now she had the energy, she was going to use it to make them both feel alive and free.

They never did make it out of the house.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	21. Affording Life

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Even though it's been loner than I wanted, I have been ill, but I do have three updates ready for you guys as a result... Silver lining maybe? So, for now, take my thanks and smiles and enjoy!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_Today was gruelling._ Penelope was tested on and examined, scanned and discussed. She felt like an animal all over again, one to form speculation and one to await her fate. All Penelope knew was that she had to put her trust in everyone that was running the tests and evaluating her new prognosis.

Then she had to put her trust in everyone being okay with whatever was to come out of this. That was the worst part; going home to everyone to tell them the news. Each and every one of them expecting it to be good regardless of the bad. However, Penelope was not optimistic; she hadn't been since she heard the doctors talking in the hospital when she was admitted months ago. She knew she had to be, she had to take everyone's positive vibes and channel them. The entire wedding party were still around for her and even though most were going home in a few days time, she still had an enlarged army to stick by her.

To top it all, she had a headache that was only increasing and she felt the need to nap, or sleep for days. Regardless of today, she was still run down from chemo and the excitement in the house and today would either end that or prolong that.

Either way, she didn't care. She couldn't care if she was promised a long life at the end of it all.

Penelope watched her oncologist, much like she had when she was first diagnosed. He hadn't changed much in the past handful of months. He still looked identically the same. She watched as he read over her notes, much like he had done the first time and like before, he put his hands, clasped together, on her file and looked at her with that same look.

Swallowing hard, she braced herself.

"The results we got back from the tests offer us both good and bad news, Penelope," The doctor began and offered her a small smile. "On the good side, the chemo made some marginal change to the tumour, enough to pull the majority of it away from your spinal cord, but not enough to have shrunk it as much as we would've hoped."

"So what does that mean?" Penelope asked, testing her own fate.

"We will schedule you in for surgery. We need to get as much of the tumour out while we can and we need to make it soon. Now it's no longer compromised by its position to cause any damage to you, we can simply remove it. Then we can discuss your options, unless you're happy to try our newest treatment and we'll set that up right away for after the surgery, Penelope."

Penelope was seemingly frozen at the influx of news.

Derek knew to question the new treatment, but he was more concerned with the surgery that would come first. "This surgery," Derek began, he had question after question for this professional, "It will be successful right?"

The doctor nodded, "Of course, not only will the surgery help us remove as much of the tumour as possible, but it will also enable us to see just how much the cancer has metastasised with the surrounding bones and tissues. There's no way to determine what type of bone erosion there will be." Ne saw Derek try to make heads or tails of that, "Basically, the surgery will help us see how much damage the cancer has done to the surrounding areas. In these cancer cases, we usually see repairs to bones necessary, but at the moment, from the scans, it is looking like a simple procedure."

Looking to Penelope, he knew she was taking this in, even though she was trying to distance herself from it all, but she needed to face reality or make it harder for herself.

"You commented on your back pain getting worse, Penelope," The doctor spoke up to snap Penelope out of her shock. "That would make us think that the tumour has attached to bone, but that is something we won't know the extent of until the surgery." He saw her fear ignite and even though he knew he had to be cruel to be kind, he still hated that look, "On a positive note, the cancer hasn't in fact spread anywhere. You are all clear of any cancer cells developing anywhere else in your body."

"If it has joined the bone, what will that mean for me?" Penelope asked simply, "What treatment does that require?"

The doctor gave her a reassuring smile, "That will be for your surgeon to decide. That isn't my call jus tyet, but I have already alerted the best neurosurgeon we have in the country. I promise you now, Penelope, she will do her best to make sure you come out of this as cancer free as possible." He continued with optimism, "Her work is award winning and I am saying this to make you more confident in your prognosis." He tried to calm the moment and then cleared his throat, "Now we need to think about the course of action afterwards. From your scans we know you will need some treatment and I want to discuss a new treatment that has high success rates." He picked up a readymade file and looked up from it, "I'm confident that with the two combined I can predict a heavy prognosis."

Derek took the file and looked at it, putting it between he and Penelope, he looked at the first several pages and then up at the doctor, "And this will work? This will cure Penelope?"

The doctor nodded, "Although, it comes with worse side effects, I won't lie and it will be much more gruelling than the chemo you have had, the results are far more successful. For us to do this treatment you won't be able to leave the hospital and it will be intense. Much more than what you previously experienced. With that and the surgery combined, I see no other prognosis than a complete cure. Normal chemo might not be our option any longer seeing as it hasn't made much different."

Taking the file, Penelope just read the front page and shook her head. "I've heard of this," Penelope commented, "We can't afford this." Penelope felt the tears bubbling up as she looked to Derek. She had done her research long ago, the night of her original diagnosis and she knew all about what it did to a person. Her findings had been extremely thorough and consistent.

"We'll find a way," Derek soothed instantly. He wasn't going to lose faith now.

"I'll leave you for a few moments," The doctor cut in momentarily, "We will schedule the surgery for this week, we need to work fast with this now we have an opportunity and then we will discuss our next stage of action. Whether you want to progress with the chemo we have been using with additional radiotherapy or whether you want to move onto to the newer treatment." He saw her nod at him, "I'll go and start those arrangements now for the surgery, whilst you two discuss this between you."

Having heard him left, Penelope sat in silence for a moment trying to comprehend what was ahead of them now. She looked to Derek again and felt her tears getting closer to breaking free. "I'm going to die," Penelope whispered painfully to him. "Without that treatment that's it, Derek, I'm done for. The chemo hasn't been working as it is, why would it after the surgery?"

"We'll find something. We'll find the money," Derek said calculating multiple get rich quick options in his head. "Even if we do the surgery now, and pick up this treatment in a few weeks time. I will make sure you get this treatment, Baby Girl."

Trying to calm herself, Penelope was panicking double time over this, "What if we can't make the money up, Derek?" She asked him, "My health insurance won't cover this at all. It's too expensive and it's not what they call conventional chemotherapy. I checked, I tried everything when I was first diagnosed and this, this is too much."

"Will you let me worry about this?" Derek asked her, it seemed to be his only request of her right now. "I want you to focus on getting better, and let me focus on this side of it all. Can you do that?" He watched her nod and pulled her close to him so he could hold her and plant a kiss on her head, "This won't beat us."

When the doctor came back in, Penelope tried to put on a brave face and ignore her fighting spirit.

Penelope left that hospital only feeling like the surgery was something that was going to prolong her life. She wasn't going to get the words remission spoken to her; she wasn't going to be just Penelope again.

Her death was all she could see now.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

She had lost hope entirely.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"So with the surgery," Marcus started, wanting to know what exactly happened at the hospital, "How long does that mean you'll be in hospital for?"

Penelope shrugged, "There's no time limit on it. It depends on how bad the tumour is, how much bone erosion there is, stuff like that. It's going to be a long process once it's started."

"Well you have us all," Marcus reminded her and she nodded, didn't speak, just issued a small smile and tried to think positive.

"What's up, Penny?" Matthias asked his friend's wife with growing concern. This was the quietest he had seen her, even the side effects never rendered her quiet for long.

"I'm just worried about the surgery," She admitted and remained quiet, even as they lavished her with support. "That's all."

Everyone watched Penelope, this was lowest she had ever been.

Reid, having watched Penelope, brought Bambi in and placed her on the floor so she could run to Penelope, only using Clooney as a means for jumping up onto Penelope. He, out of everyone, knew that chemotherapy induced depression so easily and so he was using the dogs as a mean to help cheer her up and he realised that it had worked for a moment as Penelope smiled.

"So once the surgeries done, you'll be cancer free?" Her brother, Adam, pressed for details.

She nodded and then needed an escape, "I need some air," Penelope promptly said and needed to get out of the room as everyone seemed so consumed with the surgery. She placed the puppy on the floor and pushed Clooney to leave before she fled the room entirely.

Everyone exchanged looks as Derek got up and followed her immediately. "Baby," Derek spoke as he left the house, leaving the door open so he could get her back inside.

Penelope stopped him, "I just need a few minutes, Handsome."

"Talk to me," Derek tried to make her talk, he had his assumptions, but didn't want to start guessing and making her more upset. He wanted her to talk it out. "What is bugging you?"

She went back in and went for her bag; she pulled the booklet on the new treatment and flashed it at him. "This, this is what is bugging me!" She said low and heated, her eyes bubbling with tears, "The entire idea of the surgery and what's to come is what's bugging me, and I'm scared, Derek." She told him honestly, and didn't need to tell him that the monetary side was bugging her as well.

"I said we would find the money," Derek tried to calm the moment, knowing that everyone could hear, but even he knew everyone needed to hear this now, they needed to know how bad her prognosis really was.

"Derek, we can't afford the cost of this! We can't afford it now, and we won't be able to afford it in a couple of weeks," Penelope shouted at him and slammed the booklet down. Her true emotion coming out now, "And you heard the doctor!" She continued, her voice not withholding the fear from her voice. "Without that treatment I practically kill my chances of surviving this so guess what, Derek? We aren't going to get that future and I've done exactly what I didn't want to! I get to make you a widow!" She let the tears fall freely then, her sobs weakening her more and more, "This has finally beaten me."

"No, it hasn't," Derek fought back, "I get that you're angry and you're sad and you're worried, but you seem to forget that we still have your apartment to sell, and this house so that we can move into _our_ house. There are ways," Derek soothed her confidently.

"By the time the money comes in though, Derek?" Penelope questioned him, "He said this would work if we did the surgery and the treatment together. I don't want to wait to keep fighting this," Penelope admitted and just broke down, feeling Derek take her into his arms she went completely weak and let him hold her tight.

"Why wouldn't they tell us?" Adam asked as he listened to his sister's outburst.

Fran was trying to keep strong, "Knowing Penelope, she was trying to keep a brave front up for all of us."

"She know to let us in," Carl admitted solemnly as he felt the silence taking over every as shock fell heavily.

Rossi cut in and smiled positively. He was glad the case was closed in time to be here. He realised that maybe Kevin deserved some sort of reward of gratitude. "She'll let you in soon, but Penelope has the right to digest the news first." He looked at them all, "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Dave?" Hotch asked suspiciously.

"Nowhere far," He told his friend and stood up and left the group. He went out of the front of the house and took to pacing the driveway. He grabbed his phone and rang the doctor. He wasn't ashamed that he had taken it down Penelope's oncologist number, but he knew that he would help with her treatment one day.

He didn't care that he had bought them a house and was now buying Penelope's treatment because he couldn't think of anything better to put his money on than towards Penelope's health. His pseudo-daughter for intent and purposes wasn't going to be lost in the face of death. Rossi was going to keep helping however he could until Penelope was given the future she was praying for.

Going back into the house, he feigned he needed air and time to think which was why he had left, but that he was okay now. He then went for the kitchen.

"I know it's hard, Penelope," He broke the moment, seeing Derek holding Penelope as she cried out, "But you need to let us all in with the truth now. No more hiding to stop from hurting our feelings."

Penelope wiped her face as she pulled away from Derek's chest, "I don't want to hurt any of you."

Putting his hand out to her, he shot her a look, "I don't care, you gotta keep us on board, Kitten." He then pulled her into the living room, Derek behind them and got her sitting down comfortably again. "Now talk," He commanded her and everyone showed them commitment and support.

The more she told them, the more she calmed. Once she had it all out in the open, she was able to settle down and rest. Penelope always thought that keeping the worse between her and Derek would be the best form of attack, but really letting everyone in was that. She now felt like she could deal with this and take it day to day instead of all at once. She just had to put her trust in everyone and not just herself.

It wasn't even two hours later when the phone rang for Penelope, alerting her that her surgery and new treatment would all be starting in two days time.

With an anonymous donation, getting her cancer free was a top priority.

Rossi wasn't going to tell her until after she was past the point of refusing to tell her he was the donor.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	22. Ticking Time Bomb

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Another chapter to up the angst a bit more... Just a smidge... Although, most of you did what I wanted – Fell in love with Rossi ;)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Matthias was the first to go over to Penelope; he had allowed the game to go on without him and allowed the women to continue entertaining the children by the shore. As a surprise to Penelope, the team had turned up that morning and as an even bigger surprise they kidnapped her and brought her to the beach for a fun day before Penelope was trapped in a hospital for a bit more of her life.

She had sat on the sidelines watching everyone enjoy this downtime, but now Matthias had decided to go over to Penelope and get to know her a bit more. He was a lot like Derek which was probably why they got a long like a house on fire, but he wanted to really get to know her because he had a feeling he was going to be coming back here more often after this.

He laughed as he saw Derek take a face dive onto the sand as he went for the volleyball and then turned back, ready to collapse and grab a beer out of the cooler and laugh with Penelope over her husband's newest fall.

"Hey Penelope," Matthias said as he approached, massaging a stitch in his side. He looked to the game again, but then looked back when she didn't give him some quick witted response, "Penelope?" He asked as he picked up his pace. "Penelope," He dropped down by her side, still calling her name, he shook her and she didn't move at all, "Guys!" He called out loudly, "I need a little help over here!"

Derek didn't need calling twice as he noticed Matthias panicking he ran over. He felt the fear gathering him; a fear that was far worse than what the next day held. "Pen, c'mon," Derek begged Penelope as she remained unresponsive. "Someone grab me a bottle of water," he commanded and tried to remain calm as everyone tried to do the same.

"We need an ambulance," Fran commented, her tone high with panic as she watched.

Getting a bottle of water, Derek pour some over Penelope's head, taking her scarf off of her head as he went and then he put it to her lips as she started to rouse a little. "That's it, P, drink up," He soothed gently as she took the drink and pushed herself a little, feeling Derek's arm around her back supporting her. "Give her some room, she's just dehydrated."

Pushing the bottle away, Penelope tried to ignore the pounding in her head and looked around, "What happened?" She croaked as she took in their expressions and caved to the pain in her hair. "Ow, Handsome, my head is killing me."

"I think you've had too much sun for today, Baby," Derek told her and helped her sit up, he held onto her, stabling her. "I do think we need to let EMT's check you over."

Shaking her head, Penelope felt pathetically weak for a moment, "No hospitals. I'm going to get sick of them." She whispered tiredly, "I just got too dehydrated in the sun obviously, and now I'm fine." She put her hand to her mouth as nausea swept through her, "Urgh!" She bent forward and put her head to Derek's chest as the nausea came over her in waves.

Derek ran a hand over her back soothingly, he wasn't going to force her to do anything that made her completely unhappy, because after today she was having all rights stolen from her and would be dependent on professionals and her family or a while.

Not moving until she heard that the ambulance was here, Penelope finally sat up and felt the wash of guilt run through her as she saw everyone's worried glances, but she felt too ill to apologise to them. She was scared she would just break down and cry at working them all up like this. She'd scared the kids for Christ sake! And JJ looked shaken up too as did Fran! Even the men looked visibly worked up. How was she not to feel guilty over that?

The EMTs came over, bags in tow and they knew immediately who need them, another reason Penelope hated being ill. "What have we got?"

"No going to the hospital that's what," Penelope told the paramedic the moment he came over to ask what they were dealing with. She was adamant that she wasn't going to the hospital any time soon. "Dehydration from the sun, I'm fine now. I don't need a hospital," She relented in answering his question.

"Let me just check your breathing and your vitals and we'll see if you'll be needing that trip to the hospital or not," The EMT told Penelope calmly. "You might just need a bit of attention and additional fluids."

"I'll take that," Penelope commented to them.

Derek was calming his chuckle from Penelope's adamant behaviour, "You're just too hard headed you know that?" He asked and she looked up at him with a small smile, "You get us all worried, Mamma Morgan rings for an ambulance and you still tell the medics just what they're going to do for you."

"No hospitals, Derek," Penelope said as she allowed the EMT to do his job. She was desperate to not go near a hospital before tomorrow. She was striving for freedom still. She didn't care that there was large amount of people around, worried for her health, plus EMTs, Penelope was just focused on Derek and how he would help her.

"Okay," He soothed her, "No hospitals."

Allowing her head to fall to his chest again, she tried to relax as she began to feel a tiny bit better, "Thank you," She whispered to him.

Convinced she would be just fine, the EMT stilled and watched the pair as he spoke, "Because you seem so against hospitals and they would probably keep you in for fluids and rest, I'm going to tell you to go home and drink to rehydrate yourself and keep an eye for any nausea or sickness, headaches, certain aches, anything that doesn't feel right."

"I've got cancer, it's hard to tell the difference," Penelope quipped as she thought over his words.

The EMT laughed, "Believe me, you'll know if these are different signs." He told the pair and then tidied up his equipment, "I just want you to get out of the sun for today, and rest up. That's it."

"Goodie," Penelope exclaimed tiresomely as she watched the EMT tidy up. "That is like music to my ears right now." Yet she remained on the blanket as they left, retelling their advice to everyone. It was then she slowly allowed Derek to get her up from her seat on the floor.

"Let's just get you home for some rest," Derek said and when he felt her lack the energy to master the sand as it swallowed her feet with each knew step, he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her playfully.

He wasn't stealing her independence; he was making her enjoy being treated like this.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was the middle of the night when Penelope woke up in a cold sweat, her breathing racing, her back killing her and her mind completely elsewhere. She felt sick and she couldn't stop the shakes in her hands for love nor money. She was just feeling terrified all of a sudden. Getting up, she looked to see Derek still asleep, a little restless, but still asleep, with Bambi asleep by his side, Clooney at their feet. She needed a drink and some fresh air because right at that moment, she was losing her cool.

Regardless of hotels and their own houses, everyone had decided to crash here for the night. Everyone wanting to remain close by for Penelope and she granted them that – for now. Creeping passed the majority of them; she grabbed herself a glass of water and then went into the back yard.

"You should be sleeping," Came the voice of Matthias, no more than two minutes later.

Looking up at him, she smiled, "Couldn't sleep." She shrugged at him, "Thought I'd get a bit of air rather than wake Derek up with my tossing and turning."

Going to stand next to her, he noticed the light coming on in the kitchen and knew the cavalry were up. "You know, you don't have to do this alone, Pen?" He asked her casually, "We're all here to help."

"I know," She said and then watched as her brothers came out, followed by Derek's friend Sam, "Seriously, go back inside will you?" She asked them, but none of them did a thing, especially when Fran came out. "We're not having some midnight outing here."

"Then why are you two out here?" Carl asked his sister casually.

Penelope didn't answer, she just groaned as Derek came out too.

Derek came out, having woken to the voices outside of the bedroom window, "You okay?" He asked, his attention on Penelope.

"I'm fine," She said as she turned around on the decking, her glass in her hands. "Totally fine," She admitted and felt herself falter. She tried to calm herself, but just seemed to make it worse and worse. Her calming effect was having an adverse effect on her. It was as the glass flew from her hand without her really knowing, and shattering around her feet, that Penelope gave up. Her game was up for sure now. "I'm going back to bed," Penelope pushed them away and ran inside, ignoring them and the broken glass.

Yet it seemed that they were not ignoring her and her new behaviour as they followed her inside, questioning and pushing for answering. No one taking into account that Penelope's head felt like it was going to explode, they just continued to push on and on with their concerns. All the while, Penelope was reaching boiling point and was going to break any moment soon.

As she went up the stairs it was like she had one massive shadow – everyone followed her! Since her fainting escapade earlier that day they hadn't left her alone for a moment's peace. It was like she was fragile and going to snap and break because she passed out.

"Can you not just leave me alone?" She screamed at them, feeling suffocated by their attention on her. She wasn't built to handle this enormity of attention anymore. When she had woken up, she knew her breaking point was nearing, but now it was there, dangling in front of her.

She knew the only place she could find solace was the bathroom, and she near enough ran for it as her breathing became a heave of panic.

She lost it then. The moment the door was shut, and consequently locked, she hit the mirror and broke down, immediately crying out in anguish and anger. Near enough screaming out months of pent up emotions as she tried to keep a form of control over how she was going to deal with everything. She was through with this cancer now, she was through with the treatment and she was through with trying to deny the worry in the pit of her stomach from bubbling away so it reached the surface.

She was completely spent now.

Hours away from her surgery and she was done for. She had no faith collected in her and all she could do was sink to the floor in despair and give up. She didn't want to be the weak one, but for months she had been strong and watched as one of her friends died, as her boyfriend cheated on her and then labelled her a burden and now she was dealing with surgery and a treatment that would make her worse before she would get better. How was she supposed to feel optimistic?

Even the idea of having Derek as her husband, or having her family here wasn't doing a thing to mask the negative demons that were taking over in her mind.

"Baby!" Derek called through the door, his tone heavy with worry, "Gonna let me in?" He asked her. He knew it would be futile, but after hearing her literally lose her shit in the confines of their bathroom he knew he needed access. Yet all he heard was crying. "C'mon, Baby."

She couldn't form an answer. She couldn't move to let him in, nor could she form a response to just tell him to literally _fuck off_ and leave her alone. So all she continued to do was suffer alone in the bathroom, whilst worrying the hell out of everyone as they stood in wait just on the other side of the panel of wood.

Going out of his mind with crazed worry, Derek broke into the room and found her on the floor. He was going to let her work this out, but he knew exactly why she was being like this – tomorrow was D-Day for her and as much as he wanted to leave her, she needed to work it out of her system. Derek went in, leaving everyone standing in the bedroom watching in with ever growing concern.

He got down on the floor with her, "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked her worriedly. "If it's the operation, you're going to be okay. In a few hours you'll be awake and this will nearly be over."

Shaking her head, she continued to cry, "I'm so tired," She whispered to him, "So tired of fighting this and losing everything that makes me who I am. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm losing this." She put her hands on her head and cried, "There's so many people now wanting me to get better, but what happens if this doesn't work, Derek? What happens if-"

"Pump your brakes," He hushed her mid sentence. "You're my fighter," Derek told her honestly as she calmed enough to look up at him, "Always have been. You are so brave that I know once you get over this little blip, you're going to see this recovery through with a smile and everyone else will just have to wait on you." He wiped her face clear of tears, all whilst remaining calm for her, "You know I'm right, Pen. You know I'm always right."

He watched her smile at him as he said that.

"Now who's right?" Derek questioned her.

Penelope pushed him playfully, "You, as per normal," She chided and sniffed. "I'm just really scared." She admitted softly, "Like really, really scared."

"You have every right to be, but you have all of us with you for every single moment of this," Derek told her and smiled, "You are not alone for any of this. You get scared; you have us to help with that."

"I know," Penelope said a little half-heartedly.

"Hey," Marcus, having stepped into the room, came to be at his sister side, "Who's the girl, that in the face of her brothers and a bunch of people she had only just met, decided that telling them all she had cancer and had been shot?" He asked her and she looked at him, bleary eyed and all and he offered her a smile, "It was you that, ironically, shot us all down, and teased away thereafter. Pen, you're strong, and right now the thought of tomorrow is overpowering you too much to think rationally."

"Why did you have to know me too well as well?" Penelope asked exasperated as her brother nailed her right with that description.

"I'm your brother, and you, _Penny Pot_, just don't change," He teased her and she smiled a little, using a childhood nickname on purpose. "I think you need to go to bed now."

Matthias decided to be overpowering now, "If not, I think none of us mind staying up with you if need be, Pen."

"I think I am actually tired again," Penelope commented gratefully as Derek and Marcus helped Penelope off of the floor. "Like really tired," She looked at them all apologetically, "I'm sorry for being so much hassle."

"I don't want to hear that talk, Penelope," Fran scolded motherly and put her hand out, taking Penelope towards hers and Derek's bed. "We've got a big day tomorrow and you are more than a little entitled to have a breakdown," She told her daughter-in-law as she helped her sit back down. "I've got to be honest; I've seen you control your emotions beautifully for the last couple of months, Penelope. So much so you were becoming a ticking time bomb, and I'd rather you pitched a fit now, than in a few days time."

Penelope nodded and smiled, "Tomorrow's going to be fine," She admitted and although it was a little solemnly, she had to believe in those words. "It's gotta be," She continued and looked up at Derek, "Who else is going to keep _him_ in line?"

"Hey!" Derek said, mocking his hurt, "That isn't nice, Baby."

Raising an eyebrow at him, she smirked, "I thought you'd been blown up whilst telling me how much I meant to you, Handsome. I've seen a church blow up with you in it; I thought you got blown up in a SUV-"

"I thought you'd been blown up in a SUV that night as well," He fought back at her claim and he could see she wasn't done.

"You got taken by an UBSUB and beaten and then bit my head off and I still forgave you, Derek, who else is going to do that?" Penelope questioned him and watched everyone look at Derek quizzically. "Oh, yeah, just because he's been here with me, doesn't mean he dreams about me," Penelope teased and yawn, "I'm pretty sure he's dreaming about kicking in doors and tackling whatever mad man."

"You are like a real life action man," Desiree exclaimed proudly of her brother, "But I'm not appreciating the whole stress you put on, Pen, Der!" She chided him warmly.

Derek looked shock for a moment, "You think it's not one sided?"

"Don't hate on the sick, Handsome," Penelope stopped him dead in his tracks, "It's not a good look."

"Fine," He admitted defeat, pouting a little, "I think it's time we get you into bed, Baby. Tomorrow is a big day, and when you don't get your beauty sleep, you get cranky," He saw her nod at him and admit complete defeat to sleeping and letting the morning enter completely. It was then he watched her say goodnight to everyone and she allowed him to put her into bed and then reclaim his spot with her.

Clearly all she needed was a small army to regain her faith in her beating this.

Going back to bed, she realised that she would make it through because she had too many people fight for.

She couldn't be a disappointment now.

That wasn't how Penelope Garcia did things.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	23. Working The Worry

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**** So it's been angsty the last few chapters, B-U-T (Big but there), there's a little relief coming your way =) Enjoy for now, and remember, you're all MEGAstars for reading, reviewing, favouriting and even alerting...**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You're looking rather hot in that gown, Baby," Derek teased Penelope as she lay in the hospital bed, awaiting her surgeon to come round to see her and tell her when they were taking her down. He could see she was beyond nervous now, and after being hooked up to multiple IVs and having her bloods taken for a final check, she was now reaching the point where she wanted to run.

She really was in the flight or fight mode.

She smiled half heartedly and put hand to her head as she tried to gather her nerves. She only let her nerves drop as Derek sat on the edge of the tiny bed in the surgical patient's waiting room. She looked at him and saw a sense of calm take her over. She knew the next time she would see him would be back in this room as she recovered from the surgery.

"Gotta try and steal your breath away somehow, Handsome," Penelope said and she could feel the mild sedative they had given her earlier in order to calm her down was starting to work. "I just want this over with now."

"I know you do, and I bet in a couple of hours time we'll see the tables turned," He told her with a sarcastic tone. "I'll be worried about you and you'll be the one trying to get me to relax."

Penelope huffed on a laugh, "You know I will be." Her laughter died completely as her surgeon came into view and she knew her time was running fairly thin on her now.

"Hi Penelope," She commented friendly as she came to stand at the end of the bed. "I'm Dr. Neilson," She introduced herself, "But feel free to call me Claire; we're not all about professionalism here."

"Oh, Pen knows all about that, ehh, Baby Girl?" Derek commented jokingly, ending his comment as he aimed it at Penelope who laughed.

Picking up on her patient's nerves, she applied a small smile before continuing, "I understand your nerves, Penelope, but believe me, I intend to take extremely good care of you whilst you're in the hospital. I will see your case until the end of your treatment."

"Okay," Penelope nodded trying to put her utmost trust into the surgeon.

"Right, I don't intend to keep you here talking and working your worry," She spoke understandingly. "We expect to take no more than a couple of hours with this, so you'll literally be in and out, Penelope," Her surgeon said with a calm, collected smile. "So I guess I'll see you in there, but you don't worry about a thing. Leave the hard work to me," She said and exchanged a smile with Derek and left the room.

"I just need you to sign the consent form," The nurse mentioned as she handed over the clipboard and pen to Penelope. "Someone will be over to take you down soon and we'll get underway," She commented as Penelope felt like she was signing her life away.

It was like when one of the nurses on the staff left, another turned up and everything seemed to be taking on much harsher momentum than she had ever thought possible. Reaching for Derek's hand, she held it tightly, praying to never have to put it down and leave him. She wanted him with her all the way.

She looked over her shoulder as the young male nurse set to his own devices, "Wh-what are you doing?" She asked him, as he injected her IV line with clear fluid.

"We're just going to administer a stronger sedative to relax you entirely before we take you down, Penelope," The anaesthetist said as he move to the IV drip. "Once this hits your system we'll wheel you down to the OR."

"It's happening now?" Penelope asked, her tone constricted fear as the moment dawned officially. "You're doing it here?" She asked, referring to the sedative, she thought it was all done once she was parted from those she loved.

"It's just a stronger sedative to calm you, then we'll administer the anaesthesia once you're down the corridor," The man calmed her. "You won't feel a thing."

"How do you know I won't wake up during it?" She asked as her fear came out in rambled questions. "What if I don't wake up at all? What if-"

"Penelope, you need to take a few calming breaths. I wouldn't be doing my job right if I couldn't make these judgements appropriately. Plus, Dr. Neilson is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. You're in the safest hands possible."

"Those are just facts. Facts don't always mean guarantees," Penelope began to panic and it was only when Derek grabbed her that she snapped back to reality and realised he was standing opposite her now, not to her side. He had moved from her side on the bed without her even being aware of it.

Derek, having watched her fall into her own worse case scenarios, knew that the nurse was not going to be able to help her now; it was all down to him. He slowly moved back to her. "You're coming back to me," Derek vowed to her as he calmed her. "You're going to fight all the way through and by tonight you'll be trying to get me to go home." He told her, but could read the doubt toppling in her eyes, "I have so much faith in this working, Baby Girl, that I need you to share it with me."

"I'm scared," She admitted like she had hours ago, but this time her entire body and voice couldn't stop shaking on her. She was just a mess now and she couldn't do this. "I can't go through with it, Derek. Don't make me. _Please_, don't."

"As much as you say you can't, Pen, you know that if you walk away from this you will never be able to do this," He told her simply, "You will only hate yourself later for it." Derek could see he was breaking through to her, "You will do this and you will come through it strong and be so proud of yourself, Baby."

All Penelope could do was nod.

"I'm sorry, but we've got to get going," The nurse cut in as he looked at the time.

"Give us a damn moment," Derek near enough growled at the nurse, "You've just listened to her break down and now you're rushing her. Seriously, Man?"

"We're on a time limit here, I'm sorry," He apologised to them.

"Fine," Derek said and put his attention back onto Penelope. "You, Sweetness, are going to be amazing, and we're going to laugh over the ridiculous of your behaviour in a couple of days time."

Penelope couldn't see that happening as Derek put his arms around her and kissed the side of her head. "I love you," She sobbed into Derek's arms, holding onto him as tightly as she possibly could even though she was weakening under the will of sedatives flooding her system.

"I love you too," Derek told her back as he pulled back, aware of the growing impatience of the now waiting orderlies to take Penelope. "C'mon, let's get you comfortable, P." Laying her down, he bent down and kissed her as passionately as she possibly could. "I love you so much," He said again as he slowly withdrew unwillingly and then had to break contact with her entirely as he stepped back.

Derek watched as they took her, and it wasn't until she was fully gone that he decided to go to the waiting room and tell everyone that the waiting game was now taking over completely.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It didn't take long for everyone to retract into their own little worlds. Each and every one of them consumed with worry over Penelope's wellbeing and each, watching in growing concern, as Derek slowly lost a bit more of his cool as each minute bypassed.

They were lucky that there were not many other people in the room, because for one person, her support system was huge and unmoving! No one was going anywhere until they could rest knowing that Penelope had made it through her surgery. They wouldn't go until they were satisfied, so they all sat around in the silence of the moment and tried their hardest to keep their attention from the clock on the wall.

"I remember when she was shot, I was saved all of this by just being in church," Derek said and put his hands to his head as his system was flooded. He literally had been in the waiting room all of two minutes before the surgeon come out to tell them she was alive. Now he had been here an hour, and he was restless. More restless than he had been from the moment he had gotten out into the waiting room with everyone else.

"Yeah, you were pretty hard to get a hold of that night, Morgan," Prentiss chide, her anger full of playfulness. "I gotta admit, you've kept your cool longer than you did back then."

"I remember you literally attacking that wall after we had been allowed into her room," JJ commented, reminiscing how Penelope asked them not to treat her like a victim. "Angry agent right there," She teased and Emily laughed a little, trying to calm the moment a little.

"That's because some bastard shot her!" Derek near enough roared, showing that his cool had just broken on him.

The Garcia brothers exchanged looked, all wanting to know more, but knew not to question at that precise moment and they even noted that Matthias and Sam looked quizzical at the idea that Penelope had ever taken a bullet. Yet they seemed to understand that was a story for another a day.

"Out," Rossi said as he took a stand. "We're going for a drink. If anyone needs to follow do so, but we gotta wait this out as calmly as possible," Rossi told them and then near enough dragged Derek out of the waiting room and subsequently out of the hospital and into the nearest bar.

When Derek came back with Rossi, he saw them all sitting there, each tiring with worrying. "It's been nearly six hours, it shouldn't be taking them this long," Derek began to panic; he was now losing his mind. "She said a couple of hours, six hours is not a couple."

"You need to calm down," Rossi calmed him as he came to his side again. He had just listened to Derek pour his woes out at the thought of losing Penelope for near enough four hours as they sat with a glass of whisky and even though Derek didn't drink his, it worked as an outlet. "The doctor needs to do their job."

Derek tried to rationalise, he tried to remain calm, but he couldn't stop clock watching and he couldn't stop thinking that because the time was getting later and later, it meant that something terrible had happened.

Derek couldn't stop himself from being consumed by negativity – now he knew how Penelope had felt in the early hours of that morning.

"Penelope Morgan?" They suddenly heard and they were all on their feet approaching the female doctor as she stood with a pleased, yet tired expression.

"How is she?" Derek spoke up, taking over precedence of everyone. "Is Penelope okay?"

"She's in recovery now," She started off, giving them the good news. "We caught some complications, but it was actually more successful than I expected it would be after reviewing Penelope's scan results originally," Dr. Neilson told the group slowly. They needed to hear everything even if it was to ignite their worry. "Removing the tumour was not a difficulty at all," She told them honestly, "The chemotherapy she had beforehand, had actually drastically changed the tumour and extracting it was really quite simple. There were only a few pieces that were still too close to her spinal cord for us to remove which would have caused too much damage had we attempted removal, but the new treatment should effectively destroy those."

Everyone stood worried, but they knew she was okay, and the doctor had no sign of concern or negativity on her. She wasn't looking solemn or morbid, she looked pleased and confident and that was all they needed to see.

"There was a lot of bone erosion that had occurred, which is what pushed us back with the time. Her right hip bone especially and two of her lower spinal discs and the surrounding cartilage were the worse, as well as some muscle damage but we were able to repair all damage and I don't see why with a little therapy she won't be perfectly fine."

Exhaling with appreciated relief, Derek looked at the doctor, "What about the new treatment? When can we expect her to start that?"

"I would say that in a couple of days when she's got her strength up, but she's going to be weak. For now, we're going to keep her comfortable and let her rest up after the surgery. I'm optimistic that Penelope is going to recover perfectly fine after all of this." She watched them all revel in the good news. "We can let two or three of you go down to her," The surgeon said, her attention turning over Derek. "She's awake and asking for _you_ especially."

That was all he had to be told to settle.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Walking into the recovery room, his mom by his side, Marcus on the other, Derek was nervous. He was fast in his pace, taking charge to just get to his wife. He almost would have stopped had it not been for his mom and Marcus because the moment he saw her was a moment of clarity. There she was, laying peacefully, a stark difference to the mess he had left her in. She had an oxygen canula on, her body hooked up to a heart monitor and other tubes that weren't there when Derek had put her life in the doctor's hands hours before.

"Pen," Derek spoke softly, taking her hand in his, they were told she was awake and he wanted to see for himself that she was. He wanted her to look at him and tell him how everything was going to work out just fine.

She opened her eyes a little, unable to open them wide because of the amount of drugs floating in her system, but she looked at them and offered them a smile. She exhaled at them, "_Mmm_, it's nice here," Penelope murmured softly.

"That's the drugs talking," Marcus joked and they all relaxed even more as Penelope laughed at him sleepily.

Gripping Derek's hands a little, Penelope tried to open her eyes a little more than she had managed. "I've been thinking," Penelope said and smiled tightly as she felt a piece of pain get through the morphine to be momentarily smothered and forgotten by the narcotics.

"When did you have time to think eh, Baby Girl?" Derek chuckled at her.

Slowing raising her hand, she tapped her nose only to let it drop down heavily with exhaustion. She looked to him again, trying to wake up a little more in this losing battle. "You really are beautiful, Handsome," Penelope murmured as the sleep began to take over, "I'm the luckiest girl alive to have you."

Fran looked at her son as he continued to look at Penelope, his face masked even tough Fran could tell he was close to breaking a little. In Penelope's slurred whisper there was so much conviction that she couldn't even doubt that she was affected by it. Looking to Marcus, she could see he was too.

"Real lucky," She managed as she inhaled deeply and they knew she was sound asleep once again.

Fran and Marcus knew to leave, but both witnessed Derek's hesitancy. "We'll meet you outside in a minute, Derek," Fran told her son and guided Marcus away from his sister so they could everyone a personal update rather than a doctor given on.

When Derek came out he was refreshed, but was still not ready to leave the hospital grounds.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek stood in the doorway to Penelope's hospital room and looked in as the artificial light shrouded her as she rested. He stepped in and his presence woke her up from her light slumber. The moment her eyes met his she broke into a gentle smile.

"Hey you," He said as he approached her completely. "I was going to go home, but I didn't see a point."

"Bad Boy," She scolded weakly at him, and her smile turned into a grimace quickly.

Derek took her hand in hope that his touch might make her think of something other than the pain for a moment or two. "How you doing, Baby Girl?"

"I love morphine," She joked with him lightly, her voice not very loud. She felt a shot of pain and closed her eyes against it knowing her morphine high was slowing waiting for a top up, "For the most part anyway."

He breathed a laugh, almost in relief and calmed a little more, "I think you need to get some more sleep." He noted as her eyes began to close against her fighting will. He could see she was trying to stay awake to spend more time with him right now, but he was now confident that they would have all the time in the world to do just that.

She felt him take her hand, "I really wished you could stay here with me tonight, Handsome."

"They wanted you to get some proper rest in before you have too many visitors," Derek told her honestly. "You're too fragile right now to be overcrowded."

"Never!" Penelope breathed out teasingly.

He laughed at her, knowing that all of the emotional commotion was all for nothing as Penelope was back to herself entirely.

"Hey!" A nurse said as she entered the room, "I've told you already visiting hours are over for tonight and you needed to go home and get some rest."

Penelope couldn't withhold the laughter for a moment, "You better go and behave." Penelope watched how he didn't want to go, but she really had no energy to keep herself awake for much longer.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Baby Girl," Derek said as the nurse tapped her foot impatiently. "I love you."

"Love you too," Penelope murmured softly to him, a light smile on her lips.

Derek went to go and once the nurse was out of the room he swung back around and approached the bed again, "I'll be back first thing, Baby Girl."

The moment he was there he kissed Penelope, completely aware of her aching body, aware of the pain she would be in. However, he realised Penelope needed the moment of passion as much as he did when she responded.

"_Now_!" She berated softly as she remained by the doorway. This time she broke the kiss.

Penelope laughed as Derek was frog marched out of the door.

She could sleep easier knowing that she was going to have the best good morning to wake up to.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	24. Never Going To Change

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I'm trying to keep up with this story! Trying, and maybe failing a little, but perseverance is everything! Hope you're still enjoying!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek's excitement died the moment they entered the room and Penelope was seemingly sleep the following morning. "Oh, she's asleep," He commented quietly and they all fell silent so not wake her up. He did, however, feel better by the difference in her appearance – no oxygen tubes, no blood pressure cuff around her arm, just a heart monitor still bleeping away and her still peaceful expression.

"No I'm not," Penelope said dryly, opening her eyes slowly and smiled as Derek stood closest with her small army behind him. She was calm and starkly different to how she was the day before. "You might want to sit down," She told them softly, "You're making _my_ back hurt."

Everyone laughed their concern off and began to unfreeze from watching her.

Finally bending down for a kiss, Derek lingered in the kiss for a moment, after missing it all night he was so pleased to have her close again. "They said you had a good night, Baby Girl," Derek commented as he remained close, his hand in hers still.

"Their definition of having a good night isn't my definition of a good night," Penelope groaned as she tried to pushed herself up a little with one hand, but found she was too weak to move much and so gave up before she was really started.

"Didn't you sleep well?" Fran asked as she placed flowers onto Penelope's table as everyone scatted to get chairs. She had had a fitful night, wondering if Penelope was okay in the hospital all alone as it was.

Penelope shook her head, "I couldn't get comfortable when I woke up in the middle of the night and they couldn't do anything just then to help with it until I was due my next round of meds."

"Well you look pretty damn comfortable now," Matthias commented as he dumped his body down into the rock hard chair.

Penelope mused sleepily as she looked to him, "It is really comfortable on here." She did it more as a reason to tease him, "_Real_ comfortable." She then locked eyes with him, "Plus, I just had a healthy dose of morphine for breakfast." She moved her hand out to take Derek's hand in hers and he reached up to take it, moving his seat as close as possible to the side of her bed. "That nurse didn't kill you then?"

Chuckling, Derek shook his head, "Nah, I sweet talked my way to freedom."

"Handsome," Penelope asked Derek gently and he looked at her, "Take the tape off of my rings please, it's irritating me." She watched him as he grabbed a hold of the already pulled out tape, "I was too weak to get it all the way off."

"Course, Baby Girl" He said as he pulled the tape off of her finger gently to reveal the shine of her rings. He looked up and saw her drifting off, "Boring you already are we?"

Smiling sleepily, "Should've told the doctor not to give me anything," She slurred out as she sleep took her over and her arm went limp in an instance.

Watching her for a moment, Derek felt a shot of irony pass through him. The first time she looked comfortable was hours after major surgery when her system was flooded with multiple narcotics. He wished it didn't need to take this for her to get peace of months and months of battling.

"I'm guessing this is a good thing," Sarah commented as she looked to her sister-in-law. "The doctor did say she needed to rest and if she's awake, all she's going to be doing is teasing you notoriously."

Relaxing back, Penelope's hand not leaving his, Derek smirked, "That would tell me her spirit's not been killed and she's well on the road to recovery though."

"To be quite honest, even surgery hasn't killed her. We shouldn't have thought she would be anything, but this really," Marcus commented as he watched Penelope sleep. He had been a wreck, not anyone would know, because he had kept it hidden. He knew deep down she would be okay, but he just couldn't stop doubt from killing him slightly.

"This is my baby girl, she's never down for long," Derek told them all confidently.

There were some things in life you just never doubted.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

A couple of hours later, Penelope woke up, the haze she had been in was nowhere near as bad as it had been. However, she had no idea how to describe how she was feeling and she knew full well someone – most probably Derek – was going to be asking her.

"Someone's up," Carl commented as he looked over at his sister for a moment.

"How you feeling, Sleepy head?" Derek asked and she shrugged at him as blinked to clear her vision slightly, "You need anything?"

"Drink, please," She exhaled, "And glasses. Definitely glasses."

Derek grabbed her glasses first, and stood to put them on, whilst Fran filled the plastic container.

As her vision cleared and she accepted Derek's help for a drink, she realised that the group had almost halved, "You've lost members of your platoon," Penelope commented with a clear voice and allowed Derek to place the cup to her lips again and she lifted up and took it herself. Yet she felt a familiar wave of nausea cast over her and she just tried to breathe through it, praying it would pass.

"You okay?" Derek asked as he remained standing.

"Just a little icky," Penelope admitted and then pushed herself up to finish the cool water. "It keeps coming in waves."

"I'll go," Desiree decided, everyone look at one another as if asking what they should do. When she came back in after grabbing a nurse, only to be told they were coming to check on Penelope anyway so they'd deal with the nausea once she had been given a once over. They all looked as the door was blocked by a petite brunette nurse.

"Someone really does have a small army in here," A nurse said as she appeared at the door, "I thought the others were joking, Penelope."

Penelope laughed a little, "This isn't all of them either."

Crossing the room, the nurse set about her job, Penelope's brother Marcus and Carl pulling back out of the way for her to get in and do her job efficiently. "How you feeling now?" Naomi asked Penelope with a small smile, as she placed the cuff around her arm, ready to check her blood pressure. "You still feeling sick?"

"Yeah," Penelope admitted to the nurse, Naomi, that had been dealing with since the early hours, "But apparently that's the chemo and the anaesthetics and whatever billions of drugs are making friends in my bloodstream."

"We'll keep an eye on it though, Penelope," Naomi told Penelope regardless as she watched the machine do its job and she readied to write the digits down. "We want to kill the nausea off."

"Honey, it's like a best friend nowadays," Penelope commented as the nurse removed the blood pressure cuff and quickly filled in Penelope's chart.

She laughed as she wrote, "Still doesn't mean I don't want to kick its behind." Naomi laughed with Penelope, she already enjoyed the friendship that had sparked between the pair of them. "Your blood pressures a little high," The nurse commented, "Which won't be helping the nausea, but I'm going to get some tablets and then you are _resting_."

Once Naomi was gone, Penelope looked around at the gang in the room with her, everyone bar the entire team were here just now, but for now she was content with after three of her brothers and two of Derek's friends and his mom and sisters.

"Please don't look so worried," Penelope spoke exasperated. "I was sick earlier, but apparently with the chemo and everything I was ticking sick machine," She said and scrunched her face up at her own analogy and saw their expressions not even so much as waver. "C'mon! It's bad enough I'm stuck in here and as high as a kite, I don't need to worry about you, worrying about me. I'm fine!"

"She's got a point," Naomi said as she came into the room. "She's doing more than fine." She then looked Penelope, "Dr. Neilson's going to be coming down in a bit to check on you and I have a feeling she won't be holding back with getting you up and about. She wants to get mobile and then resting again. So you're likely to get sick of that word before long," Naomi told Penelope causally, "You need to pack in as much rest possible though. I think once all of the anaesthetic's out of your system then you will start feeling much better." She left with smile to everyone and goodbye.

"So what do we do whilst we wait?" Derek asked and looked to his wife. "I know you won't rest, Baby Girl, so any ideas?"

"Entertain me how you usually do, Handsome," Penelope said and cast Derek a rather seductive look that erupted shock in him, but when he laughed Penelope knew she had his nerves in check, just like he had had hers the day before.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You look good," JJ commented as she sat with Penelope, waiting on Rossi and Derek to bring some form of edible food up and decent coffee.

Penelope smirked, "You don't have to lie to me, Jayje, I know I look as bad as I feel."

"Garcie, you had surgery no more than twenty-four hours ago no one expects you to be on top of being okay," JJ admitted softly and smiled comfortingly, "Plus, only that long after a massive operation and they've had you out of bed and walking around."

"They obviously know I'm an impatient patient," Penelope quipped with a playful smirk. "I do have a limp mind you," She added and JJ gave her a look, "Apparently therapy will correct that completely, but it's really painful to walk for the moment."

"Have they mentioned the therapy, like when it's going to happen?" JJ questioned, wanting to know what the process was looking like on a whole.

"Apparently, I'm going to have one small session before they start the treatment tomorrow afternoon." She saw JJ's face, knowing that she had been there when the doctor had stressed rest before anything – Derek had told her so, "I'm doing better than the doc thought, so the process is a lot faster than she had intended," She shrugged then, "Expect me to be unsociable and sick this time tomorrow."

JJ nodded and smiled, "But just think, you get Mr. Morgan looking after you which I bet is a perk."

"Oh yeah," Penelope began to smile, "He really is amazing."

"I heard you called him beautiful after the op," JJ teased and felt better when Penelope laughed at that comment, "Beautiful? Really, Garcie?"

"I was under the influence," Penelope quipped and couldn't withhold the giggle. "There are so many _other_ names I could call him."

JJ snorted a laugh at that and completely lost her worry. Penelope was just as she always was regardless of the predicament with her health and JJ could be more pleased.

"Good to see you up, Kitten," Rossi broke in as he entered the room with a smirk. "I wouldn't have chosen beautiful for him either."

"Why, Mr. Rossi, are you trying to seduce my husband right out from under nose?" Penelope retorted teasingly and noticed Rossi grin at her playfulness coming back.

"I hope not! I have eyes for only one person in this world," Derek commented as he entered the room, his arms full.

"Is my handsome husband behind all those roses by any chance?" Penelope asked and saw him peer around them, "What's this for?" Penelope asked as she inspected the bouquet of roses.

"It's for the patient down the corridor," Derek replied, "Me and Dave thought her room was a bit dull." He laughed as he saw Penelope shoot him a look of sarcasm. Derek smirked then, glad that he could come back to see Penelope like this, "They're for you – Each and every one of them. We know this room is going to be your home and so I wanted to bring you something everyday that's going to make you enjoy it."

Penelope's eyes watered as she took that in, "Really?" She asked choked a little, she was trying to keep a lid on her emotions, trying her hardest to not break down.

Placing the, what had to four dozens of roses onto her table, Derek went over to her and bent down to give her a kiss, "You and me are going to make this room perfect for you to get better in."

"Starting with this," Rossi said as he pulled her favourite blanket out of a bag he had carried in with him.

Penelope placed her hand on the edge of the blanket as Rossi lay it across it, feeling comforted from a little piece of home being brought here. She knew however hard the treatment hit; she would have her family around to make sure she was able to see it through. It was the simple things in life that really made this battle worth it.

"Thank you," Penelope murmured and looked up. "This is just what I needed."

"You deserve it, Bella, and well, between that and the flowers, that's why we're here so late."

"I'm not complaining," JJ quickly commented joyfully, "I got a good few hours with my Garcie without any other company," She winked at Derek, she always teased him that he spent more time with Penelope than anyone else now.

Yawning, Penelope pushed herself up to try and wake up. She hated how exhausted she was, and she knew she should be used to it, but there was nothing nice about being in the middle of a conversation and to just start falling asleep. "I still want to find out who donated the money by the way," Penelope said out loud, her tone quietened with her exhaustion, but she shifted to wake herself up a bit. "I owe them so much."

"I think we'll deal with that when you're more awake and better," JJ commented as she thought it wasn't much of a concern right about now.

Rossi, wanting to cover his tracks used Penelope's tiredness to his advantage, "I think you need to get some rest." He then stood up and approached. "I'll see you later, Bella," Rossi said as he dipped down and kissed her cheek. "Sleep well."

JJ stepped in as Rossi took a spot next to Derek at the end of the bed, "Love you, Garcie," JJ said as she followed Rossi's gesture and gave her a slight hug and a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Take him to get food," Penelope pointed out at Derek.

"I'll get food without struggle, Baby, but you promise me you'll rest?" Derek said and looked to Rossi and JJ, "I'll follow you out in a moment, guys." He watched them leave and turned back to Penelope. "You going to be behave?"

"What trouble can I really get into from here?" Penelope asked him.

"You'll find some, believe me."

Penelope smirked and huffed a tired laugh, "I'm too tired to even move right now, Handsome."

"Well then, just sleep and get some energy to be trouble," He said and kissed her forehead before leaving her alone to sleep. He knew he wouldn't be long, he didn't want to be.

JJ stopped Rossi in the corridor, just beyond Penelope's door and looked at him, "I know it was you."

"What was me?"

She laughed at his playful innocence, "That donated all that money for Penelope to get the treatment she needs." She watched him go to argue and knew she had to stop him, "You are my hero, Dave," She told him in a low tone, "What you did for Penelope, with paying for her treatment, it was truly selfless and shows how loving you are and how dedicated to your family you are. I know now there is more to love about you than I can ever think possible." She gazed at him for a moment, "Thank you for saving her like that," JJ finalised, her eyes now glazed with tears, both of love and gratitude. "Will you ever tell her?"

"When's she better," Dave told JJ truthfully. "Now let's go and pick Henry up and head home."

Smiling, JJ took her new hero's hand and allowed him to take her home.

Derek stood for a moment, shocked by what he had heart and then slunk away from the door and decided that a drink could wait. He had to find a way to thank David Rossi for doing this for Penelope – and for him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	25. Strength of Love

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_So my muse is making up so many ideas for this... You're just going to have to hold to something and enjoy the good and the bad ;) Hope you like!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek always thought the process of whatever treatment Penelope would receive would be horrendous, vile, almost degrading, but as he looked up from the IV in Penelope's chest to the tube to the clear packet, he found it to be weak and basic and almost normal. If it wasn't for the sticky label on it he could almost believe that it was another dose of fluids trickling into Penelope's body – like he had seen done multiple times before.

Thinking about it tactically and in a familiar way, Derek could just assume that cancer were an UNSUB, one that was going to be beaten by Penelope with a vengeance. That made him see this as beatable – just by seeing it as an UNSUB – and it made it become just that simple too. Derek had grown up to be tough and strong and see every challenge as beatable and he wasn't going to change that now.

It was hours into the first dose and he looked at her as she slept. She had been awake when they had started the new, stronger dose of medication and since then she had fallen back to sleep. Trying to get comfortable, Derek soon fell asleep with her only waking up when a nurse came in to check on Penelope.

It was a few hours later, Penelope was disconnected from the second IV drip and was left alone yet again. She was being kept monitored to see if she reacted to the new drug, but for now she looked tired even though all she had done was sleep. Derek guessed he shouldn't be surprised by her exhaustion anymore.

"How you feeling?" Derek asked as he leaned in and took her hand into his again.

She stretched a little, stalling when her fresh wound on her back caused her pain. "Rough," She said with a joking tone, she relaxed and smiled at him, even when in pain. "I can't complain really." She said as Derek took her hands, "I'm free at long last."

"Well not entirely," He reminded her softly, "Later you'll be free to get up and about as you see fit."

Penelope scrunched her face up a little at the thought of the catheter still in and then decided to forget about it the best she could. "You must have been bored during that, Hot Stuff."

"Nah, I slept like a baby," He told her and she giggled at him. "If I can't beat you, I might as well join you," Derek told her with absolute tease, "Considering you just got off a new session, you're looking bright."

"I know a good poker face when I can use one," Penelope quipped at him and smiled tired. "We need a DVD player in here," Penelope commented as she looked to the TV as it remained talking away to itself, "That would be perfect right about now. A movie, popcorn and a cuddle."

Derek got up and went to inspect the TV that sat up on the wall. He wasn't surprised to see that the TV was perfectly compatible with any external console that could be connected. With the cost of the room, its technology had better be state of the art! He turned back; thankful he could make Penelope have some more sense of home brought here. He turned back with a smile. "I think I can make it all happen later, but for now, I can offer you the cuddle if you want?" He asked her wary, if he had it his way, he would on that bed just to touch her more, but he had wanted her to have her space to begin her recuperation after surgery.

"I would say hop on and believe me I want nothing more, but I'm just too spaced out and exhausted to move," She said and she felt a disappointed that she couldn't take the one thing she was longing form. As he made his next move, Penelope went quiet and wished she could have a cuddle from Derek.

Going to sit on the side of the bed, Derek put a hand over her body so he was leaning down on her and he wanted for her gaze to raise and look at him, "You're looking a little thoughtful too, Baby," Derek pointed out and caught Penelope just staring.

Turning to look at him better, Penelope smiled a little, "I just can't stop thinking about everything that has happened since I found out about the tumour and I can't help but think one thing," Penelope smiled wistfully and looked at Derek, "Everything really does happen for a reason."

Derek smiled and leaned in, taking her hand. Remaining silent with deep thought.

"I thought you wouldn't want me before I found out about the cancer and then I knew you never would after. You deserve a real happy future, Handsome with the wife and kids. You'd be such an amazing dad and I don't know if I can give you that now and I feel selfish for still wanting you. For being jealous of a woman that doesn't even have you yet." She then looked at their hands as they sat entwined with one another's, "But you don't care do you?" Penelope asked him simply, "You just love me enough to have whatever life we have after this."

"I'm glad you see it and I don't have to argue with you to see that, _wife_," He told her and smiled at her.

"Well you could try," Penelope replied with a teasing smirk and shrugged a little.

"You want to me put across a little argument, eh?" He asked her, his tone readying for the challenge and when he saw her nod a little, he had to let out a chuckle. "When I used to let Kevin take you home after chemo, I used to lay awake at night jealous that he got to look after you. I used to want so bad to be the one to make you feel better, Pen. It's crazy to hear, but it's the truth. I wanted to help you more than you praised me for, I wanted to be there 24/7. I wanted to care for you how you deserved, not how you thought you did. Not how Kevin did. How I wanted to because Penelope you deserve everything and I knew one day I would get to give you that." His tone was dripping with emotions now, he was losing control of his reserve, "So when you kissed me like I asked and told me Kevin was cheating a part of me was so happy to hear that, and then when you dumped him, I knew I was never letting you out of sights again. I could finally look after you and love you all at once. No other man was getting you, Baby. No one, but me, and I know I might get a little insane whilst we tackle this last hurdle, but just remember I do it because-"

"You love me," Penelope answered softly, finishing his sentence for him and he nodded, "I love knowing a man will get completely bonkers over me and my health." She laughed a little as he did.

"I'll do it for the rest of our lives, Penelope, believe that," He told her and lifted her hand to kiss it. "Marrying you, Sweetness, was like beyond even my wildest dream and I love to tell people that I have a wife. One who surprises me daily, and makes me love more than I ever thought, one that makes me darn proud to wake up to every day. I don't care about anyone else, but you, Penelope."

"I think you're crazy in love, Sugar," Penelope told him.

"Good," Was his response to her. He was more than happy for Penelope see the rawest parts of him.

"You know what's strange?" Penelope asked an watched him look at her questioningly, "I never even got sad over him cheating," Penelope huffed sarcastically, "He cheats on me in the middle of my cancer treatment and I just didn't care because I saw what was happening between us and I wanted it more than anything." She smiled at him, "Even now, everything is changing and I know you're a constant, but I love how you fight for me when I doubt you and I promise you, Derek, I will make miracles happen and have your child. That's all I want, is a family with you and to never lose how happy you make me."

"You make me happy just by being here with me," Derek smirked at her. "Everything's okay as long as your keep talking to me and you keep smiling." He watched her, her eyes still watering, her bottom lip being bitten down on, "You're my inspiration, P, because no bad day really doesn't come between us. You're strong and a fighter and I know I didn't expect anything less, but I love to see it."

"I'm only strong because of you, Derek. I really am. I can take on the world because I know whatever you'll be the fighting force pushing me," She admitted to him softly.

"Well that's how I plan to keep it going," Derek promised with certainty.

Yawning suddenly as the exhaustion got even more heavier over her body, "I better start up some more challenges for you then, Big Boy."

Derek chuckled as he bent down, dropped her a kiss before getting off of the bed, "I'll take them head on as and when you deliver them, Baby."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

When Penelope had woken up, she saw Matthias and Marcus by her side, Derek still where he was. She saw Fran and Derek's sisters and was immediately told that the team were on a new case and her brothers were coming by later. The one thing that wanted to avoid was overcrowding her room.

"Just be quiet a moment," Penelope suddenly said as she broke their conversation mid pace. She breathed heavily, trying to calm the pounding in her head. It felt as though there was someone smacking a hammer – _or a truck_ – into the back of her head repetitively. She let her hand drop as they all quietened and she closed her eyes.

"Pen," Derek spoke softly, reacting quickly to the fact that her face was scrunched up with pain. He told someone to get a nurse the moment he saw a tear escape Penelope's eyes and she whimpered in pain a little.

Seeing Naomi quickly come in, Derek felt a little sense of ease because he knew that Penelope was going to get some aid to help her out. "Hey, Pen," Naomi spoke softly to Penelope as she tended to her, "On a scale of one to ten how bad is your head hurting you?" She knew the drill, and she was more than prepared to get Penelope back to her old self as soon as possible.

"Ten doesn't even cover it," Penelope groaned as she refused to open her eyes for a moment. She was scared that the moment the light penetrated her head would be the moment her headache would just explode.

Naomi looked up, "Derek, can you turn the light on above her head and point it up the ceiling?" She asked and Derek complied and so she looked behind, "Can someone turn off the main light please?" She asked and the moment the light was off she looked at Penelope, "I'm going to get you something to kill the pain, but I'm pretty sure this is the stronger chemo." She watched Penelope slowly ease her eyes open, "We'll keep the lights down, but you need anything you just ring for me," She commented as she placed the control for the nurses into Penelope's hands. "I'm going to go and get something to take the edge off of the headache, okay?"

"Only the edge?" Penelope quipped sarcastically painfully, "Whatever happened to taking it away, Naomi?" She whispered, the same pain level controlling her.

Naomi couldn't resist the grin, "I'll go and get you some pain relief and you tell me in a couple of hours how non-existent the pain is." She watched Penelope nod and she left the room quickly and swiftly, returning no more than two minutes later. She injected Penelope's central IV in her neck and then rested, knowing the full effect would be instant, "Apart from your head, you doing okay?"

"Just tired," Penelope admitted, not knowing if that was the treatment or the new influx of narcotics.

Looking to Derek, Naomi commented to him, "I can go on my break knowing you'll make her rest right?" She asked and watched him nod, "The doctor okayed a higher dose than I was going to give so you won't have to work her into submission hard."

"Hard head there will fight it, believe me," Derek quipped knowingly.

"Too right," Penelope murmured as her tone loosened and she relaxed. "Make my dreams come true?" Penelope asked Derek as he remained unmoved.

"I thought I had already," Derek replied playing hurt, he knew the drugs were taking hold now.

"Get me out of this gown, Handsome," Penelope quipped with a sleepy smile, her eyes struggling to look at him. "I'm done rocking sexy, and want to rock comfortable," Penelope joked with him and she laughed as he did, "Please?"

"You sleep, and I'll go and do some sweet talking on your behalf," Derek replied and watched her give in and he kissed her before dropping into his seat and seeing everyone staring at him. "What?"

"You're going soft," Matthias told his best friend.

Derek, looking to Penelope, he smirked hard, "She's worth it."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"We just need to be able to get to her the two IVs in her chest," Naomi pointed out as she watched Derek help Penelope get to the edge of her bed. "That and we have to be able to get to her back easily to clean the incision."

"I think we've ticked the boxes, Baby," Derek quipped at Penelope and she nodded as she looked at her awaiting pyjamas.

Naomi smiled, she knew she was all professionalism, but she needed to be to make sure Penelope was going to do just fine. "You sure you're okay to be up?"

Looking to the young nurse, Penelope smiled at her, "I love your worry, but Naomi, you really need to just relax a little."

"You're my favourite patient, Penelope, I only have your best interests at heart," Naomi told Penelope truthfully and she watched as Penelope moved slower than usual. "You sure you're okay?"

Penelope nodded, "I'm just really exhausted, and my joints are all sore and stiff," Penelope wavered the concern with a tame tone. "It's to be expected right?" She shrugged, "Side effects suck, but I'm won't let things bring me down for long." Penelope then persisted to pout a little bit as her head felt light. Without giving up, Penelope allowed herself to push up into Derek's arms and allowed him to support her, "I'm tube free," She quipped, her mood switching again, and he chuckled.

"Well that you are, but now you're going to be needing to use the bathroom yourself, Princess. Getting the reigns of life too soon," Derek commented as Naomi helped Penelope step into pyjama bottoms before pulling them up in a way that only screamed she had done that multiple times.

"It's not a bad thing," Naomi commented as she fit the bottoms around Penelope's hips comfortably and smiled. "I mean, you started your new treatment two days after surgery when Dr. Neilson was aiming for four to seven days and you're without a catheter four days after surgery when Dr. Neilson wanted to keep that in so you could rest more."

"But they're all Dr. Neilson's demands right?" Penelope asked as she steadied herself in Derek's arms and watched Naomi as she confirmed it, "Well then, Dr. Neilson must know how impatient I am and how hard headed I am."

"Pen, you might as well have it as a sign above you head it that's obvious," Derek joked and watched her laugh as she gently swatted his chest and allowed for Derek to help put her top on whilst Naomi helped out.

"I think I saw it written in your medical records actually," Naomi quipped and looked up with a smile as Penelope stood giggling. "I want you laying back down so I can check your blood pressure, but for now I think I'll send in the platoon," Naomi commented and swiftly left the pair to it for a moment.

Still standing, Penelope reached up a little and hugged onto Derek. She might be weak, and feeling less dandy than she wanted, but standing around receiving hugs from her husband made her feel like she was making some progress.

"This is perfect," Penelope murmured as she lay her head on his chest and took a few moments to just absorbed this. "And before you get ideas I meant the PJs," Penelope quipped teasingly, "Not the hug, Handsome."

"You're evil," He told her, but persisted to kiss her, "But God, I love you for it." He told her and she giggled softly again and he loved how up she was compared at the moment. He didn't know how long it would last, but he was going to lavish himself in it. He kissed the top of her head, "Let's get you back in bed," He commented, "Want a scarf on?"

She nodded, "But I want a kiss first."

"Granted," He told her and then kissed her softly on the lips, the intensity magnifying instantly and he heard her moan as she gave into the seduction in the kiss.

"Put her down, Bro!" Matthias exclaimed as he came into the room and laughed as the two separated.

"Leave them alone," Fran scolded Matthias and hit him around the back of the head.

Naomi followed the small group in and smiled as Penelope stood in Derek's arms still. "Right, if you're not getting into that bed as quickly as I hoped, how's the walking, Penelope?" Naomi asked as she watched Derek hold Penelope still.

"Limpy," Penelope commented with a scrunched up nose and then walked four, painfully awkward steps away from Derek and then back to him. "And painful."

"Well considering what you had done, it's to be expected, but you're doing amazingly," Naomi said with proud, but her expression darkened with worry, "Now bed so I can check your back over and then check your blood pressure."

"C'mon, Baby," Derek said and helped Penelope sit on the bed before helping her to lay down before letting Naomi do whatever she needed to in order to make sure Penelope was healing well.

Looking over the nurse's shoulder, Matthias had to look at what beneath the plaster just so he could tease her over it, "Eww, it looks like some mutant made home on your back, Pen," Matthias teased Penelope and although she laughed, all Penelope could do was fling a stuffed toy at him as Naomi did her job.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	26. Taking A Trip

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I'm sorry I left this so long guys! Thank you guys as always, more for you now to hopefully enjoy =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"I'm betting she tosses her cookies before the clock even reaches two," Marcus commented as he, Derek and Fran sat in on this session of Penelope's treatment.

"I think I've got a handle on this," Penelope told him back, shooting him a smirk, but gave him the evils. "Give me some credit and give me until three at least."

Marcus put his hand up, a coffee in one hand, magazine in the other, "Okay, you'll have tossed your cookies by three-_oh-one_."

Penelope laughed tirelessly and accepted the challenge. She was barricaded by pillows, and Derek was holding her as she relaxed through this session, making sure she was comfortable and chilled. She had a slight headache and the familiarity of body aches, but it wasn't anything she couldn't deal with and with Derek here with her, it made everything so much better.

She knew she was speaking too soon when she said she felt fine because sure enough, Penelope felt her stomach bottom all of a sudden and within moments of a near miss, Derek held the plastic tub they had been given when Penelope was hooked up to her newest session of treatment in front of her and she threw up continually for a few minutes.

Derek was so used to these side effects that he knew when Penelope was going to throw up, when her head was hurting her, when her body was too tired to move. He also noticed it didn't take a rocket scientist to notice that when your wife shot up quicker than a bolt of lightning it meant she was going to throw up.

Sitting up better, Penelope just hugged the plastic container and continued throwing up until her stomach told her it was okay to relax. She felt her stomach lurch a couple of times with the threat, but soon she was just left with the aching stomach and the exhaustion. She knew she wasn't done with this just yet, but for now she could relax a little.

"Here," Marcus said as he passed a cup of water over. He hadn't meant to jinx her like that; he was trying to make her laugh.

"I hate you," Penelope muttered under her breath at him, no sarcasm being lost.

Laughing, he stood holding the glass until Penelope was ready to reach for it herself. He watched her rinse her mouth out, all the while Derek carried on running his hand over her back. "It's good to prove me right sometimes," He replied, and even he couldn't hide the self righteous tone, "It's a rarity, I'll take today as my day to be it."

"Good choice, bro," She quipped and found the water not doing any good to help her fresh her taste buds. "Got any gum?" She asked as she cranked her neck around to look at Derek. All she wanted to do was get rid of the bad taste in her mouth. "My mouth tastes disgusting," She carried on and Derek moved a little to get the packet from his pocket. With one hand, Penelope watched him unwrap a stick of gum and pop it in her mouth before doing it with a couple of more sticks. It seemed futile as a few moments later she threw up again, the gum wasted.

"She needs something to settle her stomach," Derek commented and looked at his mom. "It's never been this bad."

"I'll go," Fran said and hurried out of the room. She hated to see Penelope like this and she knew that sitting and just watching was not only heart breaking, but it was cruel on Penelope.

"You worry too much," Penelope said between heaves and tried to settle herself without any form of medicinal intervention. "I think I'm better now," She said, more to appease herself and trick her stomach than anything else.

"I don't care, Baby, I think that Marc will agree that you're exhausted anyway and this is just making you lose even more energy," Derek retorted back, he could feel her energy dropping with each new wave of nausea and he knew she needed to rest. He wanted her to rest and he needed to see her rest to know that she was doing okay.

"You're not even halfway through, what happened to stamina, Pen?" Naomi commented as she came in with a clean tub ready to take the dirty one.

"Stamina's gone, Honey," Penelope quipped as she rested her head back against Derek's chest and tried to breathe slowly. Her eyes closing as she felt sleep kidnapping her violently now. "That means for you too," She whispered as she turned her head more into his chest, not moving for anything else than solace.

"Got forever and a day to make it up to your main man," Derek quipped and felt her give into a short laugh as she felt the tiredness take her over, consuming her heavily. Her moment of ease didn't last long as she resulted in throwing up again and Derek looked to Naomi, "Please tell me there is something you can give her?"

"I'll be right back," She told them and disappeared before coming back with a tray no more than five minutes later. "I've spoken to your oncologist, he said it's normal, but advised me to give you something stronger than usual, Penelope. It will work instantly and you'll sleep your way through the rest of this session."

"It's really going to work?" She asked pathetically as she took the cup from Marcus as he hovered with a fresh cup of water.

Naomi gave her a sweet smile, "I promise you that when you wake up again, Pen, you will be feeling better. Now would I lie to you?" She watched Penelope shake her head and immediately regret it and she proceeded to help Penelope by injecting the new medication to the IV. "I'll let you decide when you're feeling less nauseous to lay back down, but you do what you need to, got it?"

"Got it," Penelope commented and remained how she was as Naomi tidied up the little bit of mess she had made and left the room. Ironically, Penelope felt the nausea subside almost instantly and relaxed into Derek's arm. The sleep still hung on heavily and she didn't even realise she was half asleep and settled until Derek moved slowly back down to the mattress and she clung onto him so not to leave her alone.

Derek smirked at the small gesture and as he dotted a kiss to her flushed and heated features, he whispered; "I'm not going anywhere, Baby Girl." He received no reply except Penelope cuddling in closer, ignorant of her IV to her chest and just slept soundly against his body.

No one said anything, Fran moved the blanket up and over Penelope and Marcus moved tub off of the bed completely. It was all silent motions, but when they settled back down, the calm and tranquillity really relaxed each one of their worries.

"I so cannot wait for this to be over," Derek broke the silence first and for once he felt weak under all of this pressure. He kept strong for Penelope, when all along he wanted to give her the world and he couldn't because if he could, she wouldn't be ill.

Penelope moved suddenly, snuggling in more, "It will be over soon." She managed in an exhale, but didn't move far, "We have forever to plan, Hot Stuff."

Although it was an exhausted slur of words, it eased Derek immediately, "You're supposed to be sleeping, Missy."

"Hmm," Was all she managed as she became heavy against his chest.

Marcus smirked, "And she strikes again."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Gonna smile, Boss Man?" Penelope asked the following evening. She had woken up to find her team around her, but all bar Hotch and Rossi had dragged Derek out to find food. They had left Penelope to sleep and when she woke up she found Rossi head in a book and Hotch looking at his clasped hands as they sat in front of him. Watching him look up, she offered him as bright a smile as she could master, "You need to quit with the pensive look."

"I tried to tell him that, but he ignored me," Rossi commented to Penelope as he looked at Hotch.

"You're not doing a good enough job for me, my favourite Italian," Penelope quipped as she pushed herself up weakly and found Hotch already by her side helping her. "Thanks, Sir."

"Penelope," Hotch spoke with a warning tone.

Looking up innocently and shrugged, "I like bringing work matters home," She retorted sarcastically as she settled back down against her pillows. "So how are my two boss men? Behaving with their women I hope."

They both laughed and Penelope enjoyed that sound. She knew she wasn't losing her touch if it meant they were laughing.

Penelope was just glad that the only thing she was feeling right now was exhaustion. If she had a headache or was in pain, or God forbid it, was on the verge of throwing up with every turn of her stomach Penelope would have known she was screwed.

"You're being way too quiet," Penelope said as she looked to Hotch.

"Having a stand in tech does this to me," Hotch told her and smiled a little. "The sooner you get better the faster we get you back."

"You do realise that's still not for months after right?" Penelope asked wearily, "I mean, I gotta build up strength."

Sinking to his seat, Hotch nodded, "Just knowing you're home would tell me you were closer to being back at work."

"You'll be wanting to get me drug tested before you know it, Charlie Brown," Penelope joked and saw him relax.

"Erin," Rossi's voice broke into the moment between Hotch and Penelope, "What are you doing here?"

"I just came by to see Penelope," Strauss commented as she watched Penelope shift slowly in the bed, turning carefully to look at her. She couldn't believe that every time she saw this woman there was some dramatic change – never for the better. "How are you feeling today, Penelope?"

"Like I could use some new hardware," Penelope quipped jokingly, but realised this was Strauss, this woman didn't get her sense of humour. "Okay, I guess," Penelope relented with saying as she clarified her sarcasm.

"It's good to hear," Strauss verified, not allowing her empathy to exceed that level. "I'm here to discuss something work related actually. The director and I have been reviewing the tech pool and when we came across your file, it took us a little while longer to decide what we wanted to do with you, Penelope."

"Right," Penelope coerced her to speak on, worried with what fate she was going to be dealt. She tried to calm her shaking, but she didn't know if this was the side effects or her own fear. Her head shot down to look as Rossi grabbed her hand in his.

"Between myself and George, we decided to review all of your activity for the last decade of service and we noticed that you have never done anything but go above and beyond for your team and any other team you have been on loan to." She could see that Penelope was feeling fearful over this, "I don't intend to send you to another state like I had spoken about months ago and I don't intend to move you from your team. Penelope, the time and effort you have given to the FBI is outstanding and needs to be acknowledged with commendation."

Penelope lay trying to make sense of where this was going. She knew it was the lasting effects of the treatment from earlier – it always left her groggy – but she was feeling so much disbelief it was unreal.

"Granted you recover with enough strength to resume your position then we will make sure your job is there for you to take. Your office, your position on the team, it will all be yours again. As will your right to leave if you see fit to do so. You have full control of your job, your life, everything, Penelope."

"Erm, thank you," Penelope responded to her, still not sure if this was a dream or not.

"Also, given recent events with your health, when Agent Morgan is at work he is more than capable to work above average to prove his worth with his current absences. Looking back at when you were shot we noticed how your team didn't let that affect their ability to work and any other event where one of your team is in danger. Granted it goes again frat rules and my own personal boundaries, but your team is granted the relationships developing. Just keep up the outstanding work." She smiled at Penelope genuinely, "I hope you get better soon, Penelope and we'll see you back at the bureau soon. I'll leave you three to it."

"Erin?" Rossi called out as Strauss went to leave the door.

"Yes?" She asked as she came back into the room slightly.

He picked up the tin, removed its lid and held it out to her, shaking its contents slightly, "It's the least we could do right now."

"Oh," She looked down and saw the brownies inside, "Thank you."

He watched her take one and let her leave, sitting down with a smug look on his face, not looking at Penelope or Hotch on purpose.

"Ehh, Dave," Penelope began nervously, "They have weed in them."

Rossi looked at Penelope with a small all knowing grin and shrugged, "She needs to learn to chill out." He winked at her and didn't speak any other word on the matter.

"I just saw Strauss walk passed me eating a brownie," Derek said as he entered the room looking amused. "They're for Pen."

"Well, apparently someone needed a trip," Penelope replied, still highly amused at Rossi's newest show of rebellion. "And I didn't mean about coming from her office to here either."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	27. The Change Up

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N: **_So... serious chapter coming up. Did a little background reading into this, but you'll see why... Thank you for the amazing amount of reviews for the last chapter! I hope you like what's to come..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Thank you for making this happen," Penelope told Derek as they sat together outside. Here she was, with even more sessions done and dusted with and as a surprise, Derek had fought, with the help of her brother Marcus and Matthias, to break her free for a few hours from the hospital.

"Any day, Baby," Derek said and kissed into her neck. "I'm sorry that everyone had to go back."

"I've been spoilt by them all," Penelope sighed contently, "Plus I still have those two."

"And us lot," He said and felt her nod. "You okay?" Derek asked Penelope as he sat with her on the bank of the lake. He could feel her keep inhaling deeply as if she was trying to catch her breath properly.

Penelope nodded, "My chest is just uncomfortable." She whispered at him, it wasn't a lie.

Not hearing a word from him, Penelope relaxed. So what if she was in the middle of a park, in front of a lake, her family running around to their left, behind them, to their right, on the water's edge and had a tight chest? She might have the IVs all in place, the hospital tag still on her wrist and the feeling of not having had a perfect bath in what felt forever, but Penelope felt, ironically, a million dollars.

"I feel like you've brought me the world," Penelope admitted softly as she admired all of this. "Breaking me out of my sterile prison, bringing me here, letting me just spend some time with you whilst everyone else plays around. It almost feels normal."

"In a few weeks you'll be lapping this up in a normal sense," Derek promised and kissed the nape of her neck. "You'll see," He told her, but heard her breathing hitch. "I'm bringing your breathing up when we get back."

"I knew you would," Penelope sighed and decided to keep conversation moving onwards. "Now did you kidnap me illegally, sweet talk or just get the doctor's permission this morning, Hot Stuff?"

Laughing a little, Derek joked, "I contemplated the first two, but went with the last, I'm afraid."

"Boring!" She exclaimed at him playfully. "I was expecting SSA Morgan to strike again and turn me on."

"Oh I need to be SSA Morgan to be a turn on now, ehh?" Derek quipped at her and she laughed lightly at him and persisted to play along with it.

Penelope nodded, "My libido's gotten lost, help me find it." She bit her lip as she looked up at him, "Or ignite it as you seem to do so well."

"Oh believe me, I would take you now if you had the energy and we didn't run the risk of getting arrested for indecent exposure," Derek retorted with a chuckle. "Just think, if you don't get it now, think of all the lost times we have to make up for, Baby."

"Mm," Penelope breathed as she closed her eyes and imagined it, "You know, I think we might need a whole year or so for that to work out, Handsome. Even then, that's not taking into account sleeping."

Chuckling again, Derek tightened his arms around her as she at between his legs wrapped in her blanket and kissed her cheek, "I'm sure we can find some energy reserves alone the way."

"Brownies," Penelope mused, her tone dripping with sleep as it crashed in and out over her.

It didn't take Derek long to realise Penelope had fallen asleep, the warmth of the sun grazing her skin, acting as a natural heater. He stayed that way for a little while until Marcus came over and they all decided to make their way back to the hospital. Derek picked Penelope up, who sleepily wrapped her arms around his neck. By the time they got to the hospital, Penelope was still asleep and he just laid her down whilst Fran brought the quilts over her to tuck her in and then they all claimed their seats.

When she woke up she was curled up in the hospital room, everyone sleeping around. She felt rough, _real rough_, but she knew she could sleep the majority of this off.

With a small smile, she joined them.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Having survived the first week of her treatment, which meant she had just endured her fifth treatment several hours earlier, meant she was now resting up more than she had ever done before. With similar side effects that mirrored chemo, Penelope was able to cope – not as bad as she expected, but it seemed the leaflet they were given hadn't lied when it said it was only a matter of time before they took a hold of her body.

Now Penelope knew they were catching up on her with a vengeance.

She couldn't stop herself. She had begged herself not to cry over this, that she had to take the suffering to get better, but she was getting worse and worse with each new hour. The pain she had experienced for months didn't even amount to this when all was put together. Her entire body was just alive with pain and she didn't know what else to do but cry.

Laying curled up on her side, Penelope had never felt so swamped by the bed. Given the amount of money her secret donator gave, she was in the private wing – best doctors, best nurses, best equipment, best bed, best everything! State of the art, up to date, best of the best and she had taken it all for granted. However, tonight she felt swamped by the overpriced treatment.

Sliding her hand out, Penelope weakly grabbed the control and hit the button so that a nurse would come in. She knew it wouldn't be Naomi, it was too early for her shift, but Penelope didn't care. She just needed someone.

"Penelope," Kat, the alternative nurse Penelope always seemed to get, came in. "What can I do for you, Sweetie?" It didn't take her long to realise that Penelope was feeling the worse she had ever felt.

"Pain," Penelope managed in a shudder, and she cried again.

Kat thinking fast, sprung to action quickly. "I'm going to go and get you something." She reassured and disappeared.

As she lay awake, trying to self soothe, Penelope had to push herself up so she could fall closer to the side of the bed and threw up. She couldn't stop herself, and she didn't have time to reach the bowl on her table. Now she felt like a victim to the cancer and she felt like invalid. Here she was in the middle of the night, alone, and scared at the sickening turn of side effects to the new treatment.

Naomi had literally only just got in for her night shift and she couldn't believe the chaos that was starting up around Penelope. As quickly as she could she rushed into Penelope's room in a panic. She said nothing, but rushed to Penelope's side and took her hand, helping her back to the middle of the bed. She could see that Penelope's sickness had escalated, and that she had deteriorated in the days since she was last in.

"I need Derek," Penelope cried to Naomi unashamedly as she heaved with the aftermath of her sickness. If anything, Penelope felt delirious and completely away from reality. She didn't feel like she had a grip on anything and the only thing she could think of was having Derek here.

"Why isn't he here?" Naomi asked, and watched Penelope bend even more. "Talk to me, Penelope. Let's talk about anything that isn't this. Now, why is that gorgeous man not here?"

Penelope sucked in a deep breath, "I hate him with stubble."

"That means he will be coming back?" Naomi asked with a soft smile.

Nodding, Penelope's breathing became even rougher and she put a hand to her chest as though to help loosen it. "That was hours ago," Flashing her gaze up, Penelope felt desperate. "I need him now."

"I'll ring him for you," She replied, but she couldn't stop frowning as she listened to Penelope begin to become even more breathless. "I'm not happy with your breathing, Pen," Naomi told Penelope, her concern making it into her voice, passed all of her barriers. She hit the button on the wall and unhooked the oxygen mask that was fixed to the wall. She placed it onto Penelope's face and started the oxygen as one of her colleagues came in. "I need you to page Dr. Bartley to get down here. I'm not happy with Penelope being left until morning."

Kat smiled warily, "I'll page him down now, but here's the pain relief I went to get."

Naomi, having taken Penelope's hand, tried to keep her calm, Naomi managed to inject Penelope's IV, "I'm going to ring Derek and then I'll be right back, but you need anything in the meantime, I'll be right here."

"I just need Derek," Penelope answered and almost wanted to cry again.

Naomi said nothing else but left to ring Derek.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek had rushed to the hospital like a mad man. He hadn't woken his mother or Marcus and Matthias; he had just left a note and ran like hell to get to the hospital. Having Naomi ring him after he had fallen asleep on the couch was no his idea of a perfect wakeup call. Not when it resulted with his heart ending up in his throat.

Once he had gathered momentum he couldn't stop and even ran through the hospital to be by his wife's side. Now he was, he didn't want to leave. He had come in to see Penelope weakly curled up, oxygen mask on, her body shaking with aches and pains and the shivers that came with the treatment.

"Baby," Derek said the moment he got close. He knew he should have pressed more with the problem with Penelope's chest than he had done, but he was assured she was okay and Penelope had pushed him to go home and get rid of his stubble.

Penelope looked up and smiled, finally feeling the slightest bit better at having her main strength back, "Derek."

"I'm here, Baby," He soothed her. "You're going to have to put up with my stubble, because I am not leaving here for love nor money. In this together, Pen and that's how it's going to remain." Seeing the doctor come in, Derek stepped back as he checked her over and he watched and waited. "What is wrong with my wife?" Derek asked as he stood at the foot of Penelope's bed, his arms crossed angrily over his chest. "I want to know what the hell has her getting worse instead of better!"

"The new treatment is attacking her system," Dr. Bartley commented professionally. "It's an effect of this treatment. Not every patient will suffer it, but some do. I'm going to arrange for a full body scan, I want to see what the cancer is doing and I'm hoping that it's only going to be good news that we'll find, but until the scan we can only make Penelope comfortable."

"Doctor," Naomi spoke up catching their attention. "Penelope, what's wrong?"

"I've got a bad pain," Penelope winced and put her hand to the side of her back, he hand hovering over her kidney and she reached up to take the oxygen mask off. The pain was cutting in, making her breathing even worse than before.

Stepping in, Dr. Bartley lifted Penelope's top and began to press around the pain and the moment Penelope screamed out in agony, he knew what was wrong with her. He looked at Naomi, "I want bloods rushed to the labs, an abdominal CT and MRI arranged and I need morphine now." He went to let her go, but stopped her, "I want you to up the dose from earlier."

Naomi rushed from the room, she was going to get the morphine first and then fix the scans out.

"What is it?" Derek stepped in, suddenly finding his voice. "What's wrong with Penelope?"

"I think she's developed kidney stones. With the pain she's experiencing and the position of the pain I'm sure of it those."

"Kidney stones?" Derek asked, still trying to apprehend everything that was happening. "How the hell-" He shook his head trying to form his own logic.

Dr. Bartley turned to Derek, "The treatment, like all forms of chemotherapy, has caused kidney stones. It's a possible side effect, but it seems these are quite big just from physical examination. After a scan and blood results, we'll look at starting Penelope on antibiotics to disperse them, but if not we'll remove them surgically."

"More surgery?" Derek asked and looked at Penelope. Was she well enough to be able to sustain a surgery. "What about the treatment? Are you going to slow that so she can at least get better?"

"We can't slow on the treatment, Derek," Penelope's doctor told solemnly, "This is the drug working and I know you don't want to admit that to yourself. I warned it was much harsher than what she had experienced. All I can say is that we'll keep her on high alert, but this is her body responding to the treatment."

"I thought she had only had a few small pieces of the tumour left," Derek tried to seek out a reasoning. "Surely it shouldn't be this intense."

"Just because they were small, doesn't mean they weren't a stronger strain of the cancer. It would explain why they remained on the spinal cord and didn't break away," Dr. Bartley continued and looked at Derek with confidence. "Kidney stones can occur with any stage of chemotherapy. It's not unheard off and it's definitely easily treatable."

Running a hand over his forehead, Derek tried to process this new turn, "So what do we do now?" He asked as he could see Penelope losing lucidity as her fever began to spike. He had seen her through chemo; he knew what she looked like when she was suffering a high temperature.

"We keep her comfortable, and work on each of her symptoms one by one," Dr. Bartley told Derek with ease and looked back at Penelope before looking to Derek. "I'm going to rush the scans now."

Derek was left to resume his post by Penelope's side.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek had stood and paced and stood and paced again waiting on news of Penelope once she was taken for the scans. In that time he had rang around and was more than grateful for his mom and Marcus and Matthias rushing back here. He was saddened that the team were away on a case again, but refused to worry them with this until he knew what they were dealing with.

"Derek," He heard his name. He knew he should have been in Penelope's room, but he had allowed himself the room of the waiting room to pace.

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked as he stopped his pace to approach the doctor.

Nodding, Dr. Bartley looked down at Penelope's chart momentarily. "The scans were even better than I expected them to be," The doctor began to tell them confidently. "Although, Penelope has developed kidney stones as suspected, the cancer is near enough completely gone. I'm confident that after a few more sessions we will be looking at complete remission." He saw the immense relief wash through the three people in the room. "However, we found out something that changes everything mind you. What we found is extremely rare, but it is outstanding," Dr. Bartley spoke with seriousness and everyone in the room looked at him awaiting for the new influx of news. "Penelope is pregnant."

Derek couldn't comprehend this. _One thing at a fucking time, please!_ He stood staring, taking stock. His wife was getting sicker, she was cancer free and now she was pregnant. Derek's conscience couldn't stop screaming at him. The evil devil on his shoulder kept stabbing him with reality. _But she's getting sicker, Derek! She's getting sicker by the hour! She's getting sicker and you can't do a thing about it!_

He couldn't do anything but sink into a seat and try to analyse what to do next. What was he supposed to do? Call the team? Call the rest of the family? Did he wake Penelope and tell her that her biggest dream was coming true? Did he tell her that she beat the cancer and given him a family all at once?

For once, Derek couldn't profile a situation.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	28. My Priority

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_So with the good comes the bad, but it's all going in one direction ;) Thanks for the reviews. I hope you enjoy what's to come..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was only a couple of days later that Penelope's health took yet another nose dive and she wasn't improving much that Derek began to worry. He had watched her body get pushed to its limit with the new session of treatment and with the new doses of antibiotics for the kidney stones, and all was done without her even knowing she was pregnant.

Derek wanted to scream it at her, wanted to rejoice with her over the news, but she was barely awake enough to take notice of him, let alone take the news of a pregnancy. He pained him to wait, but he wanted her to be well enough to be happy and celebrate.

Looking to his wife, he knew he had made the right decision as Penelope was left almost lifeless as a result from this new treatment. The only life she seemed to have was when the side effects kicked in wholly and she was a victim of each and every one of them. She had no control over them anymore; she just let them ravish her body.

Running a hand over his face, Derek could literally feel how tired and uncared for his skin was becoming. He had dare leave the hospital in the past five days and the only sight he had was of Penelope hooked up to a heart monitor again with an oxygen cannula placed back under nose. She lay on her right side as usual, the pressure off of her tender back, her eyes continually closed as all she did was sleep.

"D-Derek," Penelope croaked at him suddenly, her eyes dulled with the lack of emotion and life and she pushed her hand across the top of the bed for him to take. She had next to no energy to finish the move and even though her mind was telling her to carry on, her hand didn't move farther than it was.

He hadn't even noticed she was awake until she spoke. "Hey, Gorgeous," He commented and immediately moved back in towards her, capturing her hand and hoping it would give her a dose of his energy.

"Mmm, you need a shave," She joked with him teasingly. Even though she was making comments at him, her tone was exhausted and quiet. "Your clean shaven beard is turning almost caveman," She laughed and coughed hoarsely.

_This was promising!_ _Bar the coughing and weakness of course! _Derek chuckled at her, "Beard stays for now, Baby. You're my priority."

Breathing heavily, Penelope watched him and smiled, her eyes drooping again, "Fine, bring home here so you can keep on top of it." She smiled briefly as she fell back asleep just like that.

Taking his hand, he ran it up her cheek, lavishing just the mere touch across her flushed and heated skin. How could he bring home here? He wished he could just take her home completely.

Just like that Derek had an idea.

Marching out to the nurses' station, Derek noticed Naomi working on paperwork and just slammed his hands down onto the counter top. "I need clearance to bring my dog here," Derek said and saw the nurse begin to argue back. "I know it sounds crazy, but Penelope, she does so much better when Bambi, our dog, is with her. She's not improving, the doc said so and I just want one chance to find something that might benefit her."

The eldest nurse, who never gave them her first name, gave him a perplexed look, "This is a hospital, Mr. Morgan, not a farm."

"Lesley, we hear about animal therapy all the time," Naomi stepped in, breaking the older lady's dark tone. "I think we need to try anything to give Penelope a little lift. What's the harm it could cause?"

"We are not running veterinary practice here," Lesley huffed unimpressed.

Derek was feeling desperate, "I have sat and watched my wife become lifeless and sicker by the hour for days. I want to give her something that will bring a smile to her face. I just want a moment to see some glimmer of hope that she can overcome this."

"And a dog is going to do this?"

"It'll be bringing in a piece of home to her," Derek continued to try as only a desperate man would.

Lesley rose her eyebrow at him, her arms crossing upon her chest, "She has pillows, blankets, photos, teddies and flowers everywhere in her room. How much more do you want to bring? She has a room like no other patient. Aren't you over stepping the mark now?"

"Lesley," Naomi groaned and rolled her eyes. "You weren't caring for Penelope when she first arrived here. She was so expressive and happy and she took everything in her stride. She was happy and confident and so I think it's time we try anything to bring her back out of herself."

"We know she'll be like that once her treatment is over," Lesley continued to show her disapproval.

Placing a hand on Lesley's shoulder, Naomi spoke, "That's over a week away. Just give her this. Penelope and her family don't bother us for anything. They cause no chaos, no noise, no disruption at all. Even Penelope, as ill as she is getting, tries not to bother us for anything. Give her this one thing."

Realising that Naomi was right, and Penelope was the quietest patient possible, Lesley dropped her arms and her shoulders, "Fine."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Derek rejoiced quickly and gave her a wink. "I owe you, Lesley, big time!" He then ran towards Penelope's room, grabbing his phone. He remained outside as he rang his home number, hoping that Marcus hadn't left with his mom quite yet.

"Derek, is everything okay? I'm practically just running out of the door," Marcus' voice came, "Hey Fran, hold back a moment. Your son's just rang."

"Marc, I need you to grab Bambi before you come to the hospital," Derek quickly told his brother-in-law. "I'll explain why, but I have a plan. I just need you to bring her with you."

"Okay, going to grab her now," Marcus told him in response. "We'll bring her basket too, we know she's too small to get out of that quite yet so we can keep her detained when we need to."

"Good plan," Derek agreed quickly.

"How is Pen this morning?" Marcus quickly asked as he picked up the sleepy puppy that had just left the kitchen.

Derek sighed, "She's up and down. Exhausted as usual, but she's still not ready to lose her humour."

"And she won't do," Marcus retorted proudly. "Fran, can you grab her basket. Your son obviously managed to sweet talk the hospital to allowing us to bringing in a dog."

Listening, Derek wished his mom was here. She was so in control where Penelope was concerned. She was just able to respond calmly and efficiently when Derek was railroaded with worry over clear thinking. It seemed that his mother had mastered the fine art of not panicking over Penelope's declining health. Unlike in the early days, now she was the master of control.

"We'll be there within the next half an hour and then we can get your new plan, whatever the hell it is," Marcus mused down the line with a short chuckle.

"Thanks, just hurry," Derek told them, wanting to get them here and try and see some life take over Penelope again. He ended the call and slipped back into the room, giving Naomi a thumbs up before doing so. Sinking back into his chair, Derek pulled it closer, minding not to make a noise and took Penelope's hand in his.

He would await the surprise arrival and just look over his wife for the meantime.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope felt a lick to the tip of her nose and quickly she tiredly reached up and wiped it clean. Settling back down, she thought it was a dream, but when it came again she voiced her eyes to open and was met with the doe eyes of the new Morgan puppy.

"Bambi?" She whispered weakly as the dog let out a little bark, as though happy to see her. Falling back a little, Penelope felt the world wash together as vertigo hit her, but she couldn't withhold the short burst of laughter as Bambi pushed her nose to her jaw line. "Who brought you here, eh?" She managed to choke.

"We did," Fran commented as Derek remained unmoved, as did Marcus as he stood at the end of Penelope's bed. Fran, sitting on the other side of Penelope on the bed, leaned in and ran a flannel over Penelope's brow and down the side of her face, "Your fevers back," She commented motherly and watched Penelope look up to her. "How's the pains?"

"Worse," Penelope admitted, her tone dripped with the pain she was suffering. Shifting her gaze to Derek, she saw him sitting, watching her with eyes so sad with concern and fear that Penelope felt her heart clench. The pain from her heart eclipsing the pains riddling her body, but she knew she could minimise it, "Handsome?"

"Mm?" He sounded as he snapped from his little trance. "What's up, Sweetness?"

"Can you come to bed?" Penelope asked him, wanting to just snuggle down into him than just bedding. She watched him go to shake his head, finding an excuse – she was in pain, she was too ill, she needed to just rest. "You used to do it," She stated, her voice quaking a little. "Now you don't."

"You're really ill, Pen," Derek starting, not knowing what to do. He wanted to jump on bed and hold her like he used to, but her health was so deteriorated now he was scared to compromise it further.

"I was ill before," She retorted at him, not letting him get out of this. "It's just a cuddle and we know we can both do with it. It's not a lap dance I'm after, just a hug."

"Let me grab Bambi and we can settle down," Marcus said as he cut in and grabbed the small puppy.

"Where's Matthias?" With the absence of the puppy, Penelope was now aware that Matthias was in the room like he usually was. Even as Derek finally got onto the bed, sliding in next to her she was trying to make guesses.

As Derek pulled her into his arms helping her move as his mom loosened the sheets to aid a little, he gave her a reassured smile. Moving the tubes and wiring on her, he lay down before speaking, "He had to go home and fix some stuff with his job. He said he would only be gone a week tops, so he should be back in like three days."

Penelope's face scrunched together, "How did I not notice?"

"You've hardly been in the land of the living, little sister," Marcus told her with a wink as he went and put the puppy in its basket.

"Baby, you've hardly seen much of the last five days," Derek commented as his mom took her seat on the bed, and brought the wet flannel back to Penelope's heated skin. Looking down, he watched Penelope lavish the coolness, her eyes closing to complete the blackened circles that had complimented the grey tone to her face.

Trying to let that sink in, she knew she had to find out one thing - "I'm guessing everyone knows how sick I am," Penelope groaned, pushing her head into Derek's head to help ease the pain that was cascading from the back of her head forward.

"They're all coming back," Derek confirmed that statement, knowing that everyone, and he meant everyone, was rallying around to get back to Penelope as soon as they could.

"I don't want them to see me like this," Penelope pleaded, feeling the urge to cry at them seeing her like this. "I don't want them to see me this weak and pathetic. It's bad enough you lot seeing me like this, but not all of them. Please, Derek, I won't cope with it." Penelope couldn't stop; she was just crumbling apart in his arms at imagining their pitiful looks, their worried silences, their fear at going near her.

She knew that would kill her.

Feeling her agitation work hell on her already laboured breathing, Derek kissed the top of her head and began to soothe her. "Okay, okay," Derek quickly broke into her triad, looking to his mom and Marcus, "You let them see you when you're ready for them to see you."

And there he was again, her hero.

All it took was Derek using a few words to calm her enough so that saw sense and was able to calm down enough.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Hey Kitten," Rossi spoke softly as he sat in the chair usually occupied by Derek.

"Hey," Penelope managed through chattering teeth as the shivers took over her body. "Where did Derek go?"

"Food," Rossi commented coolly, "We don't need you worrying about him." Rossi watched Penelope grace him with a small appreciative smile. "How you doing, Kitten?"

"Perfectly," Penelope lied and closed her eyes as a bolt of pain lanced through her, and her shivering began to subside once again like it had for the fifth time that hour.

Rossi chuckled, "You should know not to lie to a profiler."

"I was just making sure that you aren't losing your best qualities whilst off the job," She quipped. Even with the pain, she felt decidedly better, even if she knew it wasn't going to last long, she was going to lap it up. Watching him smile, she looked around for the small puppy, "Where's Bambi?"

"Asleep in her basket," Rossi looked over his shoulder at the tiny puppy and then looked back to see Penelope trying to keep herself awake. "You don't need to keep awake for me, Bella. I want you to rest up."

"I've only just woken up," Penelope tried to fight him and her exhaustion.

"Go to sleep, Penelope," Rossi said and watched her give in suddenly. He didn't take his eyes off of her, he just watched as she slept and wished that the money he had spent to get her this treatment and getting her this standard of healthcare would also buy her the cure and make her entirely better.

JJ came into the room and took charge, she went around to Penelope's side, grabbed the flannel she had run off to grab, dampened it and then sat against Penelope's back, mindful of the incision mark on her back, and reached over to place the flannel on Penelope's forehead. It wasn't the first time she had tried this and it wasn't the first time she sat and prayed it would bring her friend's temperature down. She had seen her man watching Penelope and she hadn't said a word at all as she entered.

"She's asleep again," Rossi stated with a soft sigh.

Trying to keep her worries at bay, JJ flicked her vision to meet with Rossi's. "You can't keep that bullet wound a secret," JJ pointed out with a smirk. It was two days ago she had watched Rossi take a flesh wound to the leg after an UNSUB decided to send out a multitude of wild fired bullets.

"I can, and will," Rossi replied to his girlfriend, "And you're going to help me."

Resting her hand on Penelope's arm, she just watched her for a moment, "It won't end well."

"I know, but for now, Penelope doesn't need work related stress. My favourite kitten needs to just get better."

"You shouldn't keep things from me," Penelope whispered, her eyes opening slightly. "When I have energy, my Italian Stallion, you won't hear the end of it."

Even at her sickest, Penelope was never anything but Penelope.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	29. Truths Out

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_Sorry for being beyond MIA!__I'm so sorry for taking FOREVER with an update... Here's one now, I hope you enjoy and thanks for the reviews! =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"What are you thinking about?" Penelope asked as she looked to Derek as he stood leaning against the windowsill. She had been awake a while, but Derek was more than a little trapped in his own world.

"How thankful I am you're starting to pick back up," He responded and looked at her with a genuine smile. "It's one of the best sights possible."

Penelope stretched a little, "I wouldn't say picking back up was happening, but I feel more alive."

"That's enough for me," Derek stated confidently. "Baby, we need to discuss a couple things," Derek commented as he made his way over to Penelope's bed. "The other day, when you had all the scans done, the doctor found some things."

Trying to evaluate what his expression was for, Penelope couldn't tear apart his emotions. "What is it?" She asked, the worst case scenario jumping into her head. "What's wrong? Is the cancer not going?"

"No, nothing like that," Derek defended and took her hand, "The doc seems to think that after tomorrow's session you'll be declared in remission, Baby Girl. Apparently the new treatment was working effectively and you only had a few areas affected by the cancer left. You're in the clear almost."

Not able to be completely happy at the news, Penelope was worried about the other news, "What else is it?"

"We did it," Derek managed to say, scared of her reaction to hearing she was pregnant.

"We did what?" Penelope wondered if he was going on about beating the cancer. It was after all their battle to him.

"You're pregnant, Penelope. You're pregnant with my baby," He couldn't stop the smile growing on his face as he admitted that. The best news ever had just been set free for Penelope to enjoy.

"I'm what now?" She asked, her body jerking back with shock. She shook her head, regardless of her constant headache and denied that truth. "That can't happen. Not now, not for me. We discussed this, Derek. What type of sick joke is this?"

"It's not a joke, Pen!" Derek jumped in, trying to make her see passed her denial. "You got pregnant and the doctor seems to think everything is going to be okay with the baby as well. You've been too ill for them to mess you around with an ultrasound and I didn't want you to know until you were a little bit better. I wanted you to enjoy this moment, not run from it. Baby Girl, I'd never lie to you over something that made you cry so much. I would never be that mean to you."

Only seeing the truths, Penelope swallowed hard, "We're pregnant?" She watched him nod, his smile magnifying before her eyes. "Like really, really pregnant?"

"Like really, really we made a baby pregnant," Derek confirmed and saw her disbelief begin to chip away. "The last time you had brownies, and you gave me our wedding night. It must have been then because the doctor said you're not that far along from an examination."

As the worlds nursed their way into her conscious sense, Penelope just dissolved in tears, each and everyone wracking her weak frame. The one thing she thought would be of a disappointment to Derek had happened. She could now give him everything she always wanted to.

"We're pregnant," She whispered into his chest just after he wrapped his arms around her. "This is one of the best things to happen right now."

"Our life is only going to be filled with the best things, Baby Girl," Derek vowed.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"She has been awake," Derek told everyone as they entered the room. He had since shut the curtains and allowed Penelope to get more rest, but he couldn't mistake that in the darkened room there was a different air about them.

"How is she feeling today?" Fran asked her son.

"More alive," Derek commented as he looked back to Penelope and smiled, "Her words not mine." He smiled at them, "She knows."

"About the baby?" Marcus asked as he took a seat on the opposite side of the bed and watched Derek nod, "How did she take it?"

"She was in denial to begin with, but I think once it settled in she believed me," Derek told them and relaxed back into his seat and looked at Penelope sleeping. "This is the start of only good things. I can feel it."

He looked to Penelope as her hand moved to her head and he heard her suddenly groan like she did when a headache hit. Watching her, he noticed Penelope took a few moments to open her eyes and when she did they slammed right back shut again.

"Penelope," Fran's voice broke in and Penelope wedged her eyes opened a little, "You feeling okay?"

Nodding, Penelope tried again to ease her headache and just open her eyes. With success she didn't move, but could see her husband still seated beside her and her brother hovering in the room behind. "I'll feel so much better once I'm home," Penelope sighed. She missed her bed, her pets, her husband and she was getting fed up with this hospital room becoming familiar to her. Closing her eyes as nausea swept through her, Penelope wished it would pass and leave her in one piece.

"Baby Girl, if you're feeling sick maybe you should drink some water," Derek told his wife as he grabbed the cup from the table. "You've not been drinking half as much as you should be." He watched her eyes open and look at him as he brought the plastic cup to her lips and helped her. "Plus, home is just a stone's throw away."

"Stone's throw is too far," She whispered weakly and breathed again to disperse the nauseous feeling within her.

"We'll deal with that once tomorrow's over and done with, how does that sound?" Derek asked her and he kept his confident tone intact and ready to fight her back. They had a life to work towards now and he knew that with her feeling so rough she was would just be stuck in this one spot and unable to see past it. So she needed someone who would give her the reminder that life started tomorrow.

Penelope nodded. She just had to survive tomorrow making her worse and then she would open her heart and mind to every opportunity that would be back to being hers after that.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Flexing back in her bed, Penelope tried to self soothe the migraine that was pounding away. She knew it wouldn't work, but it was always worth a try. Having let Derek leave for a moment to get a cold compress for her head, she had no one to help her out or distract her from the pain.

That was until the icy coldness of a flannel hit her forehead and she groaned as it soothed her head immediately. Opening her eyes, she could see Derek just below the edge of it and she couldn't withhold the smile that spread across her face.

"Always so on top of everything," She mumbled weakly as the final session really ripped her energy out of her body. "I can't wait until I can just look after myself."

"Well when we have you better we have so much to do that looking after yourself will be the last thing on your mind," Derek began to tell to take her mind off of the pains ebbing in and out of her body. "We've got to sort a nursery out and we have to take that honeymoon and make sure you're back to strength because we know any child of yours will be a handful."

Penelope laughed weakly, "You forgot about a child with both mine and your DNA. Handsome, you're just as mischievous as me."

"Well then it's a good thing we have each other," Derek quipped at her. After all, he was unable to imagine a life with anyone but Penelope nowadays.

She nodded, her face turning solemn pulling the flannel off of her face so she could see him better, "I'm sorry I've not been much of a wife for you, Derek. That this has been the worse couple of months ever and the last few weeks, you've been so supportive and I can't help but think that you don't deserve any of this that I've given you." Tears began to fall down her face, "You need someone so much able to give you an easier life."

"I am never divorcing you and in vows we said through sickness and in health, and I will be here until you are better so leave it alone," Derek told her sternly, not allowing her to win this.

"Derek," Penelope gulped and shifted a little to look at him better. "You don't deserve any of this life like this though."

"And you do?" Derek asked and refused to let her negativity hit him hard because he knew she was being irrational right now. "Baby, we've had this chat and I know it's how you're feeling right now that's making you feel like this, but you, Sweetness, are coming home soon and we have the rest of our lives sitting in wait at our feet."

"You're not going to ever let me go are you?" She asked and she knew the answer before it even left his lips.

"Never. I love you too much for that," He said and kissed her forehead, feeling her heated skin beneath his touch. "Now get some sleep, Goddess, you've got a good few hours left before this last round is over," He tucked her in more, kissed her to show he wasn't leaving her and reapplied the flannel to her forehead to help bring down her temperature and soothe the headache that was sitting in her eyes so prominently.

Watching her close her eyes, Derek sat watching her for a moment, remaining unmoved. Even though he had to admit the last few months were horrible, he couldn't deny that every single moment just made him love Penelope all the more. He would change it for a moment.

Derek slowly slipped off of the bed and decided to help the team from afar and grabbed the files they had brought him that morning. Getting lost in work felt like the best course of action for him at that moment.

"Here, I thought you might want this," Fran said as she entered the room with some coffee. "It's from Starbucks so it's the good stuff."

"Thanks," He said taking the coffee off his mom and decided to give up working over the file. He stretched a little, rolling his head and shoulders to work out the muscle tension. "Where's Marcus and Matt?"

"They're coming later," Fran said and stood by Penelope's bedside, motherly tending to pulling the blanket up and making sure everything appeared okay. "How's she doing today?"

"I want to say better, but she's getting the side effects quicker," Derek said and sighed. In the presence of his mother Derek leaned forward, his legs apart, his hands clasped together as his elbows rested on his knees. Just like that he broke down, his first meltdown in months. "I don't know what to do for her anymore, Mom," He choked on a sob and immediately his mother was by his side. "I want to take her away from all this and I just can't. I can't make her better and I can't give her any energy to just sit up and hold a long conversation. I miss her mom; I miss her being the life of us all."

Dropping down by her son's side, Fran rested her hand on Derek's, "This is only temporary. Baby you have a family now. You have it all waiting to start and once Penelope's better you'll both get to enjoy it all. You'll get to have the perfect marriage you want with her. You just need to see it through the dark time."

"I'm trying, but I feel like I'm failing her in some way," Derek loathed feeling weak, but he knew he had to break to recoup and find his strength and endurance again.

"You're doing everything," Penelope's voice came weakly and she watched Derek look at her. "You're my everything and you've done everything you can. We just need to get through this. In sickness and in health," She used his own saying on him and watched it hit him hard.

Derek just got up and then laid with his wife, holding her tightly and holding her as if she wasn't going to break. He held her like he used to and just cared for her by being the body of strength she needed.

Spending the rest of the session like that, she felt power begin to rise in her. She just needed Derek to break down in order for them both to get a new outlook on this entire situation.

It was a she lay watching Naomi disconnect the last session of treatment from her arm, Derek peacefully sound asleep for once, Penelope realised she might just get off this carousel some day soon.


	30. Hit With Reality

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_God, it's been forever! I'm so sorry guys! I feel so awful! My MG muse, hell my CM muse ran from me with a vengeance and I have been striving to get this done! I don't know when the next update will be, but for now enjoy this and THANK YOU!_

_**BEWARE**__ of mistakes! I'm really ill right now so proof reading isn't a priority... however, please enjoy!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Sh-she's pregnant?" Carl near enough shouted as Derek told him the new news.

Derek just nodded.

"This isn't going to turn into something out of Breaking Dawn," Matthias murmured completely shocked as he saw Penelope's now weakened form curled up in the hospital bed. He had only been gone three weeks and now she was pregnant and beyond lifeless to look at.

Penelope laughed, but then ended up coughing. Feeling Derek run his hand along her back to calm her, she felt her cough subside into a gentle heave before phasing out altogether. Slowly she pushed her hand to her mouth and pushed up ready to grab something to throw up into. Again her husband was there to help her out and as she calmed he eased her back.

"I really hate this part," Penelope groaned feebly as she felt even more pathetic than ever.

"I know, Baby," Derek spoke to her, his tone soft. "No more sessions. This is the last time you'll get this bad," He promised her solemnly. "We just need to pull through this."

"I'm getting real tired of it," She moaned a little as her stomach settled. "Really sick of being sick."

Matthias got up onto the bed, grabbing the cup of cold water and passed it to Derek, "Well, soon you're gonna get morning sickness and I'm pretty sure you won't get sick of that, little lady."

Penelope smiled, "I so won't."

"Let's get some fluids in your, Sweetness and then let's get you resting," Derek said as he passed her the drink and he wasn't ready to move from the bed until she was sound asleep and resting completely.

Matthias watched Penelope shakily drink a little before giving up and he knew he wanted to take her mind off of what she was feeling, "So is it a boy or a girl?"

"I'm a couple of weeks so there is no way you're going to possibly know if it's a boy or a girl," Penelope managed to say as she looked to Matthias with a smirk. "What?"

"Nothing," Matthias replied and sat back on the bed a little.

"No, what?" Penelope asked him again, this time a little pushier.

Matthias smirked and then shook his head, "It's going to sound weird, but I've known you a couple of months and I feel like I've known you the same amount of time as I have Derek."

"I'm everyone's friend me," Penelope joked with him making him chuckle a little. "You're a lot like Morgan so it was bound to happen that we set it off." She went to laugh but resulted in yawning, feeling the brunt force of the last round of treatment and saw was back to coughing again.

"Baby, get some rest," Derek eased her, soothing her coughing again. He felt her curl up, her body facing him as she gave into the exhaustion clinging to her.

Matthias waited a few moments before speaking up, "How did you two fall in love? I mean, I can tell it's not because of the cancer so what the hell took you so long?" Matthias asked intrigued, "I have the right mind to hit you for making her wait so long.

Derek smiled in agreement with that comment, "So much went down before we got together, Matt that it's hard to tell you when I fell in love with her." Derek knew he was being honest; all he ever was when it came to Penelope was that. "She got shot and I knew then it was solidified within me, but how did I tell her and make it not look like it was a reaction to the shooting? I mean, I was terrified, I got to that hospital and no one could tell me anything and the doctor came out to tell us she made it and I just wanted to go to her. After that I stayed with her, but she met someone else and I didn't stop it. I allowed her to do what she needed to because if she hadn't trusted her gut and got in a relationship with Kevin; I don't think she would have ever trusted her heart to anyone. I lost my chance that way."

"I don't think I've seen you this hung up on a girl before, Morgan," Matthias commented, impressed with how much thought Derek had to give on the stance of his relationship with Penelope. "I think she's the right girl for you though, Bro."

Looking to Penelope he had to smile, "I tell you the truth when I tell you that I plan to get old with her one day."

"God, she's turned you into a romantic," Desiree remarked as she came into the room and she smirked, "Just like Penelope deserves."

"Definitely, just like Penelope deserves," Derek agreed and took Penelope's hand as she continued to sleep.

This afternoon would change everything and he's better judgement would be that he was getting the key to his future – the one where he and Penelope grew old together.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"It's nearly been an hour," Derek paced the room. He was losing his mind at just seeing her bed empty after seeing Penelope barely able to move for the past few weeks. "I'm hoping something hasn't happened."

"She's having tests done, Derek, calm it," Fran tried to calm her son.

"An hour long?" Derek asked, "It should take this long. Where the hell is she?" He rhetorically asked and began pacing.

"I think your husband's been missing you," Naomi joked as she wheeled Penelope back into the room after just hearing the end of that comment.

"Hot Stuff, come and help me," Penelope groaned as Naomi brought her back in.

"She's got a headache again and so we're going to shut the blinds and just wait out the doctor coming up with the results," Naomi commented as she watched Derek step in and help Penelope stand from the wheelchair and he quickly scooped her up and laid her down as Fran readied the sheet to be pulled up and over her tiny frame.

"You've lost more weight, Mrs. Morgan," Derek commented worriedly, he didn't know if it was possible for Penelope to get any lighter.

"We did weigh her and she has lost another five pounds so we might need to look at upping the supplement just so we can get some weight gain back," Naomi commented as she stepped in to check Penelope's blood pressure again. "That baby needs you to get fat."

Penelope smirked, "I want my curves back." She looked to Derek, "I heard my husband always liked them."

"He loves his wife in general first," Derek commented and sat down with his wife, waiting her just smile tiredly at him. "Anything you fancy to eat?"

"Want a shock?" Penelope asked, not resisting the smile from growing upon her lips.

"With?" He asked her, looking at her with a curious gaze as he wondered what she was going to say.

"I could murder a pizza," Penelope mentioned and saw Derek's face morph and she laughed. "A really cheesy pizza too."

"Oh, my baby has an appetite!" Derek exclaimed excitedly and heard Penelope giggle at his reaction. "This is amazing news, Pen!" He couldn't take his eyes off her as she just smiled at him, "This better not be a fluke."

Everyone in the room laughed then, but it was Desiree and Marcus who stepped forward and agreed to go and grab lunch for everyone. After all, Fran and Derek were the important one that Penelope needed to stick around in case the results came back faster than anticipated.

"You can get that whilst we wait on the results," Naomi commented and smiled at how positive it felt to see Penelope asking for food for once. "You might feel better if we get some food in you." She saw the agreement, but Naomi knew today was a serious one and she couldn't let them forget the protocol of the day. She excused herself quickly and came back in moments later to confused expressions, "I thought I'd arrange for the sonogram to be done in here and you can see how well your baby's doing. Plus, I don't want you completely exhausted by transporting you down to that department in the hospital," Naomi smirked as she pushed the machine into the room. "I mean you've got time to empty the room before the doctor arrives to do the scan."

"I say it's Penelope's decision," Derek remarked as he remained sat on the bed by his wife's side.

"I want them here," Penelope murmured exhaustedly. "I want everyone to be here to see our little miracle, Handsome."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"You're looking to be around the six week mark," The doctor spoke confidently almost ten minutes later as he watched the sonogram screen, the whooshing of a healthy heartbeat sounding out. "So you're early in your first trimester. The baby has a good development so far and a strong heart beat, but I say with constant monitoring I see no reason that you won't have a perfectly healthy baby." He could almost feel the relief wash around the room and he had to smile, "I'll print you some copies of this and let you get some rest."

Derek looked to Penelope and wiped her tears away as she tore her gaze from the computer screen and to her husband and all she could do was smile at him. Even as the doctor left them alone, Penelope was just so grateful for Derek and what he had given her.

After all, long before their wedding or even their engagement, Derek was her saviour. He was the one that made her battle his and he was the one that willingly looked after her when she was feeling God awful. He never let her do a thing alone. Now she was able to share the news of having his baby and she couldn't be more thankful.

"I can't believe we did it," Penelope mused as her finger traced over the small blip in the middle of the photo she had.

"Not interrupting am I?" Penelope's Oncologist's voice broke the happiness in the room. "I know it seems to be a busy day, but we've had a lot of tests to run." He smiled and saw Penelope watching him. "I have your results here," He said and waved the file in the air for a moment.

Penelope reached for Derek's hand and wrapped hers around his quickly, her heart was pounding hard. She didn't want people to see her break, but she was nearing her breaking point and if she was told she needed yet more treatment she might well finally see her defamation. Something she didn't want to see.

"We've reviewed it as a team and I can say we know exactly what we need to do next," The doctor began his tone professional to the extent. He looked to Penelope, noticing quickly that she looked ready to put out of her misery and so he broke into a smile. "We caught it all," The doctor said immediately and saw the tension disperse in the room. "There are no abnormal cells around the original area or anywhere else in your body. The latest load of treatment really did what we wanted and if I may say, quicker than we had anticipated."

Derek didn't realise he had been holding his breath until he exhaled, "So what, is Penelope in remission?"

The doctor smile, "Penelope is remission," He repeated Derek's words so they had the right effect. "It's still a slow recovery what with the operation and repairs needed during the original surgery. You'll need to go to physiotherapy to build up your strength again and with the pregnancy; I can see that you will require rest a lot more. Most cancer patients need a few months after to get back to how they were, but I can see this slightly more lengthened."

"Anything to make sure she gets better," Derek said as he reached for Penelope's hand. "When can we take her home?"

"I'd say we can let you go home when you've gained a little strength back, Penelope and you're more mobile because right now the treatment has really taken it out of you." He breathed easily as he watched everyone near enough melt into relaxation, "We'll be running daily bloods and tests to monitor how you're doing, but I can say we can look at drawing up discharge papers ready."

Penelope couldn't deny the tonic in those words – her leaving this place was becoming a reality.


	31. Planning Our Life

**Disclaimer:**** Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!**

**A/N:**_I know this is REAL short, or well too short for my liking, but call it a filler chapter =) And I got it done reasonably quick this time ;) Enjoy and thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking with me and my unfaithful muse! _

_Excuuuse my mistakes – I accept them all as my fault and due to my sleepiness right now! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope sat in hers and Derek's living room and pondered on how life had dramatically changed in the past few weeks since she had gone into remission. She was no longer hooked up to oxygen, or getting intravenous drugs. She was no longer hauled up in a hospital room with the blinds down to help lessen her headache. She was no longer given a home away from home.

Life had actually resumed peace and normalcy.

Even though Fran was around and Marcus and Matthias seemed to be setting roots in this place, everyone else had gone back to life and Derek was still the loved up man she had married. That alone proved that their life together was more than about the cancer. It was about them and the love they shared.

She remembered how Derek was with her. He was always there, ready to support, ready to keep her going, ready to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way if need be. He dealt with her still ever falling energy levels and the lasting effects of the treatment her body had been poured with and every single day he showed her why he loved her and made show she kept on smiling.

Today's reason – She was ten weeks into her pregnancy today. A month after her remission news she was now well enough and strong enough to be home, like she had for the last two weeks and now was able to regain life. That meant as a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister and soon to be a mother.

She lifted her top up and stared down at her stomach, her hands rolled over her tiny stomach. She just stared – for two reasons – She never thought she would be this skinny and she had to admit, she hated it. She missed her curves and how Derek used to run his hands over them.

Secondly, she couldn't believe she had a healthily developing baby in her stomach. The amount of awe that induced was beyond anything she could have imagined. How had she, a cancer patient heavily dosed with chemotherapy and every other drug under the sun, be pregnant? She was told to not expect to conceive naturally ever again after the chemotherapy, but she had. She well and truly had and Penelope couldn't resist the urge to smile.

"It's not going to grow by staring at it," Derek called out to her from the kitchen doorway after watching her for a few moments.

Penelope grinned and looked up at her husband, not bothering to cover up quite yet. "It amazes me," She commented and watched him approach her. "We're pregnant." It was all she could say to him, "This is all I ever wanted, Derek." She watched him sit down next to her and she shifted to look at him, "That's all I wanted for you."

"I know," Derek responded, "I knew you would work magic one day just to make me happy."

"I needed to try," Penelope replied innocently and almost meekly. "You will never know how truly, truly grateful I am for the support I was given," Penelope spoke, her tone wavering. She watched his argument begin to form even before he spoke. "Before you say it, I know you would have done it regardless, but you went above the call of any other man. You spent sleepless nights with me, and even stuck with me when I got grouchy or when I didn't want to speak. You rushed to my bedside regardless of the time. You have literally given up life for me and I will be forever grateful for that Derek."

"What else would a man in love do?" Derek asked Penelope and he watched her blush. "From the moment you told me all I wanted to do was be the one that was there for you but I respected Lynch's position until he let you down. When he started to neglect you I had to take over. I couldn't let him do that to you and you do it alone. That isn't how it works. No way. He had one fucking job to do and he fucked up good and proper."

"Oh he did," Penelope agreed and leaned in for a kiss. "Now don't get heated like that. Look how it all worked out, Handsome. You have me for life."

"Exactly how it should be, Gorgeous," Derek admitted and pulled her close to him. "I can't wait to just get you back to a hundred percent and we get to live this life to fullest. I mean we are going to leave every day like it's the last."

"I'd rather not," Penelope scrunched her face, "I've done that for so long. I want to make long term unhealthy plans and imagine you and I old. Our baby," She rubbed her stomach, "Bringing our grandbabies around and us flirting like it's illegal until our last breath."

"Well that, Princess, was a given," He told her and wanted her grin at him.

"Totally," She smiled at him, really able to take in this lease of life she had with her newest prognosis. "I need your help," Penelope suddenly commented. Her new train of thought was leading this conversation now.

"What with?" Derek asked, his brow stiffening with questions.

Penelope smiled, "Thanking Rossi."

"You knew?" Derek gasped at her. "How?"

"An anonymous donation just happened to allow us to go ahead with both surgery and treatment and it happened just after our argument?" Penelope asked, raising an eyebrow at him, "He has the money, he bought us a house. I just feel like I really owe him. He is like the dad I lost out on having. I need to appreciate that."

"Well we can do that when the team gets down time," Derek told her, knowing that was going to take Penelope a while to feel like she had given enough gratitude.

Penelope nodded and couldn't stop the ever growing smile, "Ooh, we do need to start picking out the nursery colours, and clothes and baby stuff," Penelope started to rally off. In between thanking Rossi she wanted to do just about everything she could.

"I say we just look to the future," Derek remarked with a bright smile. Oh, how their future looked now! "The rest will happen."

"On step at a time right?" Penelope asked him as she curled up into his side, her legs bending so they sat against his lap. "I'm excited for our life to begin, Derek."

"It began when you accidently let slip that you love me," Derek replied back and kissed her, pulling back yet keeping their lips near as he continued. "Hell, I'd go as far as to say that our life began when I got your name wrong."

For the first time in what felt like forever, Penelope felt aroused by the memories and without thinking she pulled him toward her, kissing him heatedly and passionately. As they parted, Penelope was breathless, but she looked to him and smiled brightly. "Call me Gomez like you mean it," She teased him quickly, hanging the memory in front of her.

Derek shook his head, "I'll call you Morgan like I mean it."

He watched her giggle, "Deal."

"Mmm, Morgan," Derek said and pushed her flush against couch.

Penelope had definitely discovered her libido again.


End file.
